Wow, I didn't realize that it had been so long since the last time I posted. Work has been so incredibly busy for the past 3 weeks. I hardly have time to stop and think.
Things have been okay. H has been a little quiet lately. He's tired of his job. Nothing new on his court/dui situation yet. He goes back to court on Nov. 18th. A few changes that we're looking at making can't be decided until after his court date. I wonder how he likes sitting in limbo?? Probably not much.
H's dad has to go back in for surgery on an enlarged artery. He'll go in soon. The area that is an issue is too close to his kidney to just do a non-invasive procedure. They have to open him up. My BIL works for an express shipping company and can't take any time off in November. H talked about going down himself and taking a week off to help his dad after he gets out of the hospital. And, on the 31st of October was the 4 year anniversary of H's mom's death.
H has been drinking a little more lately, but has been staying home. He did get his license back. He's been talking more about buying a house, talking with D4 about getting a dog and doing more work to make our current place more inhabitable. He got a new cell phone and it's locked. Why? Likely because he knows that Sue snoops and it often makes me wonder if he still tries to contact her. I had a hard time late last week. I panicked a little. H works at 10:00 am on Fridays. He called me after dropping D4 off at 8:30 and told me that he was heading into work early and just chatted with me. I tried to call him at 9:15, 9:30... No answer. I got a hold of him at 11:00. He said that traffic had been bad and that they had a meeting right away when he got to work so he hadn't seen my calls. He hadn't called me back right away because he knew I was at D4's Halloween party. I've had a few panic attacks like that.
D4 is wonderful. She had a great time for Halloween. My parents came to town. My dad had a check up at the Mayo Clinic so they spent the weekend with us. It was fun. I gave my dad tickets to the MN Gopher football game on Sat. and he was in heaven. H went to dinner with us on Friday night and cooked for us on Sat. night and Sunday afternoon.
Just to back up a bit....the last weekend of Oct., H impressed me. We just hung out on Sat. (H worked), but on Sunday, H went to church with us (D4's class sang), took us to breakfast AND went to a kid's Halloween party at our community center with D4 and I. I thanked him a couple of times. On Monday, I emailed again saying thank you.
I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to move on to another forum or not. I feel like I should move or at least poke my head around to see what others are doing to keep things moving in the right direction.
I haven't had a ton of time to do a lot for me lately. Oh wait, yes I did. Not FOR me, but it made me feel good. I volunteered at a food packaging event for Kids Against Hunger. It was fun. Other than that, not much for me. Have to get back to that. Don't get me wrong, I haven't reverted back to doing all for others and nothing for me. I'm still the stronger, changed person I became through all of this.
Well, I really need to run. Busy, Busy, Busy.
Take care- SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
On the cel...be careful. I would be curious if it was locked too.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Well, I'm wondering if things are starting to slip again or if it will just take time to get through it all.
My cell has been on the fritz so guess what. I had to ask H if I could use his. I asked about it being locked. He got an attitude. I played around with it after he unlocked it....to the point of playing the tune that is assigned to OW's #. Yep, it's still in there. He got mad. I pushed again asking when the last time was that they talked.....was it really over. He said that it had been a few weeks since they'd talked and yes it was really over. Then why the locked phone? Why the special ring tone? Why is her number even still in his phone? He was angry, but told me a couple of times that it was over. I guess my heart wants to believe that it really is, but my head says it's not. My head keeps asking the question.....if she called today and said she was ready, would he leave us again? I asked him what right he felt he had to get angry with ME that he still was contacting her? He said he wasn't mad. I told him that I'm trying and that I'm going to keep trying but that he needs to end things once and for all.
I see H doing things that show that he's ready to move forward for us. Finding information on buying a house. Making some plans for future things for us. The actions are there....in a way, but he's quiet and a little cold. I want to scream that I'm tired and that I don't want to be anyone's second choice anymore.
Still nothing on the DUI situation. Again, the next court date is 11/18. H's dad goes in for surgery on 11/17. Looks like H may be spending Thanksgiving with his dad. If that happens, D4 and I will head out to my parent's house. Otherwise, we'll probably stick around here and decorate for Christmas that weekend.
Well, it's still been really busy at work so I guess I'll stop by again when I can.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 11/12/0806:00 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I have never posted to you before but I have followed your sitch for a long time. I have seen you grow so strong (moving out on your own, standing up for you and D4 and becoming vocal with H). What you said about your heart and head make so much sense. My only comment to you is you been through this before - your H had an A years ago, he came back and he did not let you deal with it then, he seems to be doing the same thing again. Will you be able to handle a third one? Until you both deal with this all open and honestly will you always be waiting for the other shoe to drop? I hate how he is always turning it onto you - like this has been all your fault.
Be strong and sometime the head is way smarter than the heart!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I can't believe it's been a week since my last post. Not a lot of activity at home. H has still been quiet. We took D4 out for dinner and some fun on Saturday night. We all had a good time.
My FIL had surgery yesterday and seems to be doing well. H is planning on going to help him for about a week as soon as he's out of the hospital.
I'll likely take D4 to my parents for Thanksgiving. H works on Friday & Sat., so there's no use in us being here and not being able to spend time with him. It does bother me to leave him, especially since I know that he's talked to OW, but I have to do what I want to do, which is spend time with my family. If H wanted to, he could go out anyway if I were here.
Speaking of going out, H did go out last Friday night. He went to a concert with a co-worker. I wasn't happy about not being able to reach him, but everything pointed to him actually going with the co-worker and he was home at a decent time and wasn't drunk.
Strange thing happened last night. H's uncle called. He's always had our numbers mixed up and always calls my phone instead of H's. I let him know that H was working. I've always liked this uncle and have always felt very comfortable around him and talking to him. He brought up my BIL & SIL and their situation. I tried not to say a lot, but we eventually talked about my MIL (passed 4 yrs ago). She and I were never close. I always felt that she didn't care for me and that she felt like I took her son from her, as she saw my job as the reason we moved out of state. Little did she know that her son desperately wanted away. I came to understand more clearly last night that it wasn't my imagination. My MIL had a very dark side that came out, not only to me. The uncle asked how we were. He said, Sue, I talked to H one of the last times you two were here. He told me that H had told him that he just didn't feel comfortable letting certain things out to me. His uncle said...H, that's crazy, she's your wife, you've been together for 18 years. You can tell her anything. You've been through thick and thin together, through hell and back...you know she'd understand. He said, that H said, Uncle, there's just some things from when I was a kid that no one will ever understand. He made a similar comment to me months ago when he was drunk. So Sue's not crazy. There is something very wrong from the past. The uncle said, Sue, I don't know what happened, but something happened to him when he was young that tears him up and he doesn't think anyone will understand. He also told me that when anything happened with/to the boys, my MIL kept it well under wraps. She wanted no negative light on her family, despite how small it may have been. She would have put her image ahead of her kid's well being. My MIL also had A's behind my FIL's back. Apparently she drug her kids with to see this man & even had him over at their house while FIL was at work. How sick is that. My FIL once told me a story about when my BIL was a baby. He said that my MIL asked......FIL, if we were in a boat that started sinking and you could only save one of us, would it be me or the baby (BIL). My FIL said, the baby. His life has just begun....you've been able to live part of yours. FIL said that my MIL was very offended that he wouldn't save her.
D4 has Pink Eye. Fun, fun. She's an angel most of the time, but the devil sure comes out when she has to get the eye drops. We caught it right away, so it's not a bad case. I stayed home on Monday with her and took her to the doctor. She's back at school and happy as a clam!
In this horrible economy, H is actually wanting to apply for a new job. A friend he used to work with is with a company that has an open position. If it worked, it would put him closer to home. They have great benefits and his friend really likes it there. However, what scares me is that this friend went through a horrible D and is the one that H wanted to live with at one time. I am told though, that the friend would be known to encourage people to work on the M's. He wanted to save his.
Well, time to get a few last things done and then off to pick up D4.
Have a good evening.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Wow..did I miss something?Is she ok? Hopefully she and her family are having a great xmas!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
