I haven't posted here in a while, but sadly am now back. My H left early January, for 3rd time in 10 years (his pattern has been to jump ship every 4 or 5 years, eventually come home and pretend like nothing ever happened). He moved back home a month ago, then left again just this morning.
I'm afraid I pushed him away-- I had a hard time concealing my anger, mostly because he wasn't doing much to reassure me (still treating me like an afterthought, drinking like a fish, not sorry he hurt me, making me out to be the bad guy-- the usual). He refuses to go to MC.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore, not sure I'm still standing. I am emotionally and physically beat. I love him, but I also hate his guts.
I need to go dark, something I've had a hard time maintaining in the past (difficult, as we have an adult Austistic S still at home, also our finances are still joint).
Looking for tips and encouragement. 2X4s also welcome.
Hey Andabelle, I wondered what had happened to you, I used to follow your sitch. I'm really sorry that your H walked out again, how frustrating and horrible for you, after putting in the hard work to get him to reconcile. If he hasnt stopped drinking though, I guess you face an uphill struggle. Also, if he wont go to MC. I dont thikn you deserve any 2x4s and I'm not sure what advice to give...what reason did he give this time when he left and where has he gone to? Did he say IDLYA or just said he needs space?
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Though I've never posted to your thread, I've followed it closely, and am so sorry about the recent developments in your sitch. But I've admired you from afar. You really DBd your heart out.
My H left again because he believes, based on my behavior, that I will never forgive him (and to be fair, he may be right). For his part, he's not capable of giving the comfort and reassurance I need to get over it (not a new revelation, he's always been pretty self-centered and undemonstrative).
I believe he does love me in his own cracked way. I wish he would give me time and support to work through my grief and anger, but he thinks I should just get over it already. I know I was supposed to act AS IF, but that's a tough act to keep up. I admit I blew it.
Just wanted to say, 'I'm so sorry about your dog....I too had to put mine down this year and it broke my heart. I hadn't seen H cry as much in a long time too....'
God bless your doggie....Be strong.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Sorry you've gone through him coming home and leaving again. That must be rough.
You may be angry but remember he is also experiencing guilt and expecting you to be angry (on some level he feels he deserves it). In other words he is looking for you to be angry. Leaving again and blaming it on YOU and your anger may relieve his guilt to some degree. I've never heard anyone say piecing is easy.
Take some time for yourself and listen to your heart. I've had to ask myself whether I should move on or not. I'm still in love with my wife. She's the only one I want so I'll wait for her.
"The waiting is the hardest part" Tom Petty
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Andabelle, So sorry to hear that things are worse with your M now. And especially sorry about your dog. I'm a cat person myself, and I still grieve for the first cat I adopted as an adult, right after I got out of college, who died about six years ago. It is so hard to lose our beloved animals. Thinking of you and hoping you will get through it as well as can be expected. Love never dies, it just changes form.
Blessings and peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Thanks so much, Cinders, Sleeper and Dawn. Actually the dog is still with us-- H wanted me to give her a few more days to see if she might get better (even though vet insists there's absolutely no hope, and that she will only get worse). So I'm bombarding her with Transfer Factor plus some other supplement stuff, and so far she's maintaining and even improving a little, but I'm sure it's just a temporary reprieve. H is going out of town today and will be out of the country for a week, so I forsee having to make the hard decision for her while he's gone, then him being mad at me for it.
I see a lot of positives in you sitch lately, Sleeper.
I have often thought about how difficult it would be to zip the lips when a Ml'er returned.
Please don't be too hard on yourself, you are battling a very difficult situation.
Sooner or later the Ml'er has to take responsibility.
Yours is obviously still not in a good place.
Think about what you need right now to heal. He has to fend for himself since he left....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I'm a cat person myself, and I still grieve for the first cat I adopted as an adult, right after I got out of college, who died about six years ago. It is so hard to lose our beloved animals. Thinking of you and hoping you will get through it as well as can be expected. Love never dies, it just changes form.