There is no question that what matters (to her) is her interpretation! And that I can't change that. I know I could have done better. I've apologized a million times. I've apologized when I don't think there was anything to apologize for. (A mistake, I think.) It's never been enough. If she chooses to see things a certain way, at some point I can't do anything to change that. I think I've come to the conclusion that despite the fact I'm not perfect, or even close, it really isn't about me.
Amy, if you want to say something, and it could help, thow it out there!
(((((T))))) I'm looking forward to getting the book. It should be interesting, in any case.
W is angry and resentful. I really and truly can't think of anything that I did that was "that bad". She says I don't support her when she wants to do things, yet she has always had the time and money to do her hobbies, go to school, etc. I haven't always done the best I could with housework. But, still! She complains that she is the main disciplinarian with the kids. If feel like she took that on herself, and won't let go of it, anyway. She reminds me that before we got married she said she didn't want to become the stereotyped domestic housewife. She ways that is what she has become, but it sure doesn't seem that way to me. She has a resentment of men, it goes deep, and I don't know where it came from.
I'm gonna swing hard and fast here, OJ...
I want you to at least be honest with yourself if no one else.
Prior to coming here and learning new things were you generally lazy and submissive?
Yes.
That's not a new disclosure! You've said that already many times in many ways!
Amy, how you talk to Jeff and Frank, are you that way with your H? You have so much good advice but the delivery of the final product is so crude. I wonder if you take your frustrations with your own H out on these other guys. Blunt is great, but you go beyond bluntness. IMO.
Jeff, I'm not always a good cheerleader, you know that. You have made a lot of progess to step up and be the Man of the House. It can't and won't happen in a week or month or even a year when it's taken 20 years to revolve into the sitch it is. You're stretching the rubber band your W has put around your M and put it in her tidy bundle. That's great! But if you push too much at once that rubber band (your W) will snap!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I didn't think that was anything new. If anything, I am probably harsh on myself here. I try to do the same thing in C, and she usually points out that "crime" and "punishment" are out of balance. (Not her words, but you get the point.)
WCW, I know that this is going to take a long time. What I hope doesn't take too long is just getting an indication that there will be progress. I don't know how long I will wait. I don't know if I will wait long enough, or not. Or even too long. Who knows?
I didn't think that was anything new. If anything, I am probably harsh on myself here. I try to do the same thing in C, and she usually points out that "crime" and "punishment" are out of balance. (Not her words, but you get the point.)
WCW, I know that this is going to take a long time. What I hope doesn't take too long is just getting an indication that there will be progress. I don't know how long I will wait. I don't know if I will wait long enough, or not. Or even too long. Who knows?
It was new to me and I said as much when I stated that I was sure the other ladies would have called him on anything that was necessary since they are with him regularly.
You wanted another point of view of yourself, OJ. I was ready to throw you a hypothesis.
Amy: I'm sure Jeff appreciates your input and opinions and sincerely hope you will continue to check in on things. Your last reply sounds defensive and final....I hope that is not the case. Your posts have been very thoughtful and helpful to many of us across the boards.
Jeff: Time is supposedly on our side remember?
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Just checking in on you. I appreciate your hesitation to rock the boat so far your W jumps out--you know my situation and I STILL have a hard time taking the decisive action.
I agree with what you said about wondering if you have taken long enough, or if you have maybe even taken too long....I feel that myself in a lot of ways.
Thinking of you today, and by the way I LIKE those shoes from the picture, even if they do match your bed.......
Amy, I would really like to hear your thoughts. You are one of the people whose opinions I really like to hear. I know that I have a part in how we go here. I've tried to address it. If you have ideas, I want to hear them.
I answered with a "simple" yes because I thought anything else would quickly fall into defensive. Yes, but...... In W's perception, I think the answer is clearly yes.
Not all of the "harem" are always doing the warm fuzzie thing. There have been many pretty powerful challenges, and difficult questions.
Anyway, don't stay away! I won't be offended, and I value your input.
(((((BobbiJo))))) The shoe thing is funny! I guess I figure that when I wonder if I have waited long enough, and am not sure, I can wait a little longer. One day, maybe I'll be sure?
