Good afternoon! It's time for a new thread. My last one locked... after talking to B last night on the phone for half an hour. (details available on previous thread )
Essie, I know what you mean about wanting me to just have my own plans. the only thing is if I don't try to coodinate with him over dec/jan, who knows when I will be able to see him next? It would probably work against my overall goal of trying to have more frequent and meaningful contact. It's been four months already since I saw him in august. before I started posting here I actually tried just going to NYC in December 2007 on the pretext of visiting other friends *in case* I ran into him and then *of course he would want me* but nothing happened except I got really nervous whenever I went outside!!!
Thank you so much T for your post on my thread. So helpful to have that my thoughts reflected back to me. I really like what you said about the two choice dilema - you are spot on... Dont know what the solution is but I'm clearer about my dilema! Ha ha!
Darling I know so so sososososos hard with the long distance complication of reconciling a relationship. After reading your post above I think your original plan is good - you are still being 'in control' of yourself and not NEEDING to see him.
Just to throw it out there, how would you feel going to see him and making it clear to him that you are making the trip to see him. And then seducing him?!? Mwha ha ha (evil laugh)? I think you might step it up - maybe a comment like "You look so kissable right now" (cheesy?!?) and then leave it hanging - definitely you need to be tempting and a bit dangerous and flirty. I'm thinking you need to 'invite' him back to your room (not sure if that will be physically possible) - but something to show that you want more than just friends catching up???
If you didnt have the long distance thing, then you could play it cooler longer, but I think you have to be more flirtatious and wait for him to take the bait, given how long it will be until you next see him. Suggest that you could meet in an exotic location for a weekend together etc etc??
Feel free to ignore everything I say! You do really know what's best in your situation.
I was going to post on your last thread but it locked!! That last phone call sounded really good, I don't think the 'negatives' you posted were as negative as you thought (sorry not to validate here ) and also, doesn't it go to show, that even when you are not feeling tip top you can still call him and have a positive interaction where he stated that he would like to hear from you again soon. I would be encouraged by that.
I see no reason not to optimise your chances of seeing him by going when you know he will be around. I think that he feels more comfortable around you, more so than the summer as you have had such long, interesting and fun phone calls. I think at this stage he may be scared if he knows you are going specifically to see him as he may think there is a r talk on the way. However if you are casually going up there anyway and he happens to be around and then you have a super fun evening and a r talk naturally happens then that is no big deal. Ok, my ideal T scenario... I had in my head a snowy forest, lit with fairy lights scene where he declares he has been a fool and you are the best girl in the world. Are there many fairy lit, snowy forests in NY?? Maybe that is why he needs a beard? To keep his chin warm.
My DBing advice is to play it light and have no expectations. Plant some more seeds T...
How about a quick email saying something like
'Hi B, I am going to be in NY sometime in December or January. Dates have yet to be confirmed but I thought, as I am there, perhaps you would like to meet up (or maybe... wondered if you were doing any gigs around that time or something). T'
Something like that - reading back it is a bit rubbish but maybe it might give you some ideas?? I would do it sooner rather than later as it is already December - eeek, I really have to start my Christmas shopping soon!
Same here. I thought the phonecall was ace! You and him have so much in common, thats what strikes me about it, and that you really understand each other. I am sure as musicians, that is an important thing!
I think you may as well aim to be there when he is there, if thats your intention (to get another chance to see him). But as I have said before, you have come soooo far... now you are feeling easy and comfortable enough to phone each other, just for a chat. Thats a real testamount to your tenacity and patience and also, working on yourself to just be loving and open to it. I am excited that you two are still in touch!!
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I also wanted to post on the phonecall- it sounded fantastic and I'm so glad you guys are able to speak to easily and freely when you call each other. I think it's a really good idea to try and arrange to see B over Christmas when you're there. I really like Essie's suggestions for flirting it up a bit when you see him. I know it's scary when there's feelings involved, but he needs to know that you retain a saucy (as CEO would say) interest in him.....
I wanted to ask you a favour aswell, actually. I know you're really busy but I saw this post on the going dark thread and wondered if you might be able to offer some advice. You're so positive, and you've been so AWESOME at coming out of the dark, DBing and re-establishing contact with B.....
I hope you're having a super-wonderful day! I was thinking today that it would be so great to come to NY with you and do some fantastic lingerie shopping together!
It makes me SO happy to get your posts. Hooooorayyy!!!
I think I need some advice. Can you help? Should I wait for B to contact me about the NYC trip, or should I contact him first? Should I initiate a planning session, or should I just mention that I'll be in NYC? Should I do this by email or phone? Or text?
I was thinking... before I saw him in June we slowly eased into the planning process by mutually hinting over email that we wanted to see each other. And then we had that dinner when he asked me if I liked cheesecake and sang raunchy songs together and everything. IN CONTRAST, before I saw him in August, I procrastinated and then called him and put him on the spot, told him I'd be in NYC and that I'd love to see him while I was there, and asked if he'd be around. then we ended up having that really awkward lunch with the baby carriage, subway confusion, staring at the bike shop window, etcetera. I cannot tell if the "planning process" affected the actual "meeting experience"!!!
I am thinking maybe an email because it is less pressure? Something like, "Dear B, I am planning to be in NYC in mid-December. Are you going to be around? T"
