Good things... yesterday I went to yoga for the first time in like, 2 weeks and it felt SO good... my body was aching for it.
Then, today I got a new coat that I bought off of ebay and it is SO beautiful. After the Ugly Custom-made Chinese Dress Distaster, I was feeling mighty suspicious of ebay merchandise but... even though it looks really puffy in the pictures it is super flattering and SO pretty and unique and warm and it only cost $17 INCLUDING SHIPPING AND HANDLING!!!
I also found out that they can't fit all the cellos on the stage for the christmas concert this weekend so I don't have to do it!!! that is 14 hours of my life reclaimed!! I celebrated by going to the grocery store.
((Essie)) your post made me laugh so hard. I am not sure i have the balls to do what you suggest! It is scary for me even to use a flirty voice on the phone. Maybe I could just be super, super flirty in the way I'm already comfortable being flirty... light and fun... when I see him. MAYBE I COULD... put a hand on his knee!!! I am pretty sure I am going to be couchsurfing (or inflatable mattress surfing) at whichever friend's I end up staying with, so I will not really have my own room unless I warn her roommates in advance... DO NOT ENTER THE LIVING ROOM... seduction might be taking place! I totally know what you mean about trying something different and being ready to shake things up though... so scary though!!!
Julia, you are so encouraging and affirming!!!! I love the snowy forest scenario. He actually lives within walking distance of central park, which DOES have some potentially fairylit snowy forest areas. NYC is super cold, but he didn't need a man of the mountain beard when he lived in boston which was even colder...!! Thank you for the email idea too, it definitely got me thinking!!
((Lisa)), I would be SO excited if I could hang out with you in real life. There is actually an amazing lingerie boutique in new york called "intimacy"--I went to the branch in atlanta and it's where I discovered I was a 32d!! and it is within walking distance from central park so we could... put our new sexy bras on on TOP of our coats and run around laughing and pretending we were reindeer!!! I looked at the post you asked me to check out and I am really not sure what to say since the poster sounds like she doesn't know what she wants??? I am going to think over it a little bit before I post. I am happy to help I just really was uncertain what to post to her.
((BA)) it's so lovely to see you on my thread! I am eager to hear your thoughts.
Thanks for checking out the post- I think the same thing about not knowing what to post. It's a tricky one- don't worry if you can't think of anything though. I agree with your assessment of the situation!
I LOVE the idea of prancing around Central Park like reindeer with our bras outside our coats. That would be the funniest (and funnest thing ever!!!).
I like the idea of you sending B the e-mail. Do you think you'll be OK if he takes some time to respond? When would you need to know whether he'd like to meet to plan your trip? DEFINITELY put your hand on his knee when you see him- that's such an innocuous little thing, but it'll totally send a signal to his meat and two veg!
Wow Lisa.. I put my hand on ex's knee last time I saw him and we talked, but I dont think it sent any message to his brain! But then he was drunk and crying the first time, so that probably didnt help
Hmm...well, if you're going to email, as to a friend, about visiting, I think you might put a little more in the email than that? A how yu doing, fancy meeting up... tricky as I am sure you are concious you dont want to pursue and it may make him twitchy, but perhaps its better than phoning. Although, how did you leave it after the last call.. did he say he would ring you?
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I *think* I'll be OK if B takes a while to respond, and I"m pretty sure he will, because that is his normal MO with email. It's just a little frustrating because my trip is coming up so soon and I am trying to coordinate seeing 8 other friends between boston and NYC.
I should buy my plane ticket in a couple of days, but since I am flying into Boston, not NYC, if his availability is not when I am planning to be in NYC, I could just take the bus to NYC on a different day to adjust. The only thing that would be sad would be if he wasn't planning on being in town at all when I was there. Then I guess I could just go back up in January on the pretext of meeting some new cello teachers I might want to work with, which would be easier for me anyway (easier than trying to prepare to impress future mentors after not practicing for a few weeks b/c I was studying for finals, and then traveling and having to practice at other people's houses where they might be secretly annoyed).
What do you think of the actual text of the potential email itself? I am always up for brilliant OD edits!
I have never heard the term meat and two veg before and it totally made me laugh. maybe I should start... putting my hand on people's knees to work up my courage to put my hand on B's knee!!
(((((Ali)))))) It's so nice to see you on my thread! Maybe I could look through the emails I *actually* sent to my other friends I"m trying to see and try to cop the tone. They're all people I haven't talked to in a couple weeks because I totally sequestered myself with school stuff so it felt normal to be like, "how are you doing? I want to know all about it, and it would be so good to see you and catch up in person!!!" kind of thing. But B, I just talked to him on Monday, so ...? I dunno?? (visualize big question mark floating over my head)
When we got off the phone on Monday it was something like this:
B: I actually need to get going T [simulatenously with B]: Should I let you go? T: Ok, have a beautiful evening! B: Thanks, I'll call you soon T: Great, take care! B: Bye! T: Bye!
So he said he would "call me soon" but who knows what "soon" means. I think technically, in the universe I am currently inhabiting with B, it means within 45 days!! LOL!!!
I love the idea of you putting your hand on other people's knees to work up some courage. Maybe I should try it too! We can have a touching knees for fun quest!
I liked the e-mail, but would probably add a little something.....
"Dear B, I am planning to be in NYC in mid-December. It'd be great to see you if you're in town and get the benefit of your super-cello buying knowledge (or something similar)- let me know! T"
Just encourage him to be manly, and let him know you'd like to see him. Apparently men love a bit of female interest thrown their way, and you don't need to worry about pursuing- there's no chance on earth he'll see it that way!
Love
L. xx
PS. WOW to the coat- that looks so cosy and lovely!!!
Thanks so much for your feedback!!! Can you help me come up with something similar but maybe different?
I agree that maybe the email needs to be softened up a little bit, so it doesn't sound so pointed, but I am having trouble coming up with exactly the right thing to add on.
that is so sweet that you remembered that he would be an excellent cello shopping helper. but I am not *really* in the market to go cello shopping at the moment, so it would be something of a ruse?? also, if I said that it might mean that that would be the one thing that we ended up doing together (instead of something more relaxing), or that I expected to see him more than once, which might be "pressure"?
I am scrounging my brain trying to think of some other fun activity to suggest... there are plenty of fun things I'd like to do with him like visit central park in the snow, or visit the rainforest in the central park zoo, or st patrick's cathedral, or go ice skating or bowling, but would that seem too "datey"??
or maybe I could include a link to something beautiful I wanted to share with him...?? I dunno? I have a whole list of ones I could send?
do you see how I am totally overanalyzing this??
I am sorry I am so needy and helpless!!!!
thank you for helping me!
I'm really glad that you like the coat!! Hooray!!
Oh, I TOTALLY patted my cello teacher's knee today. She is a 60 year old woman but I had to start somewhere...
Are you serious that you think there's no way I can be pursuing? I feel like I am so pursuing!!
Oh, I TOTALLY patted my cello teacher's knee today. She is a 60 year old woman but I had to start somewhere...
ROTFLMAO!! I LOVE that you did that!!! I'm behind now- I'll have to touch someone's knee this afternoon. Unfortunately there are onyl two people in the office though- wierd girl (who's in a very bad mood today), and the gorgeous CEO (who's like my Mount Everest of knee-touching!). How did she react? I bet she was secretly smiling at least!
Originally Posted By: Lovely
do you see how I am totally overanalyzing this??
I am sorry I am so needy and helpless!!!!
I am definitely sensing SOME overanalysis here! Just a little But don't say you're needy and helpless- that's bad self talk and I don't think you are at all.
So, I would go for a
Dear B,
It was lovely to speak to you the other day. [follow-up something on the conversation]
I forgot to say when we were speaking that I'm going to be in NYC in mid-December- that's the effect you have on me ! It'd be great to get together if you're around, maybe for a [cupcake] or two- (or something similar that you fancy). I have a craving for something sweet that can only be satisfied by lashings of sponge and icing!
I hope you're about, anyway- let me know!
Love
T
Sorry that was so cupcake oriented. You'll probably want to come up with something of your own (I just have a real hankering for cupcakes this afternoon!). Could you guys go to something music related? I know the cello thing was probably not appropriate- I guess I was just trying to think of a good ruse by which B could be helpful and enticed into your company (not that he needs that, of course!)
Originally Posted By: Lovely
Are you serious that you think there's no way I can be pursuing? I feel like I am so pursuing!!
Seriously, T? Websters (that's the US dictionary, I've heard?) defines pursuing as "to follow in order to overtake, capture, kill, or defeat". I'm pretty sure you're not trying to do any of those to B! Pursuit, to me, is ongoing full-on contact. Every day, or every other day without getting a response. You're not contacting B that frequently, and when you do he's always positive about it. My concern is that if you don't step it up, you'll never know what trying something different would have done in your sitch...... (only because I'm a 'likes to be in touch' kind of girl though- you know me!) Just some food for thought, but no, I don't think you're pursuing AT ALL!!
Thank you sooo much !! You make me laugh so hard!!
How about,
Dear B,
It was lovely to speak to you the other day. I hope you are totally recovered from your sleep-deprived journey and that your circadian rhythms are blissfully re-synchronized!
I forgot to tell you when we were on the phone that I'm going to be in NYC in mid-December- It'd be great to get together if you're around, maybe for a delectable hot beverage or two, perhaps while sitting by a fireplace.
I hope you'll be around, anyway- let me know!
Love
T
Do you REALLLY think I should say "LOVE" at the end???????
T: I love the latest note to B....it's very non-threatening in my opinion....it sounds like you just forgot to mention your trip and I do think Love T should end it all nicely!!
Good luck! Keep us posted!
hugs BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
