Good night Jeff mou, I know you said she knows you know and she should tell you but what about tell her "now that you got the schedule can you suggest dates about MC?" or something similar? xxxx K
I'm just borrowing trouble worrying about when W will tell me she has her schedule. But, on the other hand, it seems to me to be an opportunity to see what she really thinks.
Jeff, this seems like you are testing her without her knowing... if she does this then it means this and if she doesn't do this it means that. People think differently, just because she is not rushing at you with her schedule does not mean she is uncommitted. Don't let it put you in a negative mindset when you start the mc. She may have a lot on her mind, she may have forgotten, she may be processing the idea (after all you have had much longer to think about it than she has), who knows. Don't assume, I guess I am saying.
You could just ask her. It may be a good thing if you go through the schedule together instead of her just letting you know. Then you can start working together, or would that be controlling. I suppose it depends how you approach it with her.
(((((Kalni))))) She doesn't know that I know she has the schedule, she knows I need it.
(((((Julia))))) You are right. I am testing her. I asked her for the schedule last week, she knows why. She had asked me to arrange the MC, but I can't without the info. I have C tomorrow, and I will talk to her about it. I expect I will ask W about it sometime next seek if she hasn't given it to me by then. We will have to coordinate the scheduling.
I didn't think she was committed before this, and I still don't. Here come some more assumptions..... She is content with the status quo (she has said that). I think she would like this to just go away, and she can keep doing what she is doing. I think that she will drag her feet, and play along, as long as she can, as long as she doesn't have to actually do anything. I don't know that it will be conscious decisions, but I expect her to drag things out, and obstruct, and delay, as long as she can. I would be happy to be wrong!
What if you went ahead and scheduled the appt, then said to W, "Our MC appt is set for (date) at (time)," and if she reacts and says it won't work because she has to work that day, has quilting class, or whatever, tell her, "Then I need your schedule now please so that I can kindly reschedule."
???
(((((Jeff)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
What if you went ahead and scheduled the appt, then said to W, "Our MC appt is set for (date) at (time)," and if she reacts and says it won't work because she has to work that day, has quilting class, or whatever, tell her, "Then I need your schedule now please so that I can kindly reschedule."
I for one agree with WCW....don't play games....just point blank ask her again...if she says she doesn't have it then ask her when she expects to get it....don't even bother telling her you already know she has it or she will accuse you of being controlling or checking up on her. Are you really planning on making the call before Christmas anyway? If so, then ask...if not, then wait and see how she unwinds after Christmas stress and ask her then.
I used to love games....I hate them now...I'm tired of H's games...I want to get on with my life...one way or the other....I just want straight answers for a change.
Hugs!
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
JMO, Jeff, but I have to agree. The way I see it, there are two ways to go here. One, ask her for her schedule again, or two, make the appt without it and if you have to reschedule, then you have to reschedule.
If you keep waiting on her and "testing" her, nothing's moving forward.
(((((Jeff)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
(((((All))))) I will ask her for the schedule this weekend. If she had given it to me Wednesday I might have been able to get something done this week, but that isn't really a big deal. I would have liked it if she had given it to me on her own, but I am not going to make a big deal out of it. I have no intention of trying to outwait her, or anything like that. It wasn't intended as a game, so much as a chance for her to follow through no it without me nagging. Not that I nag about much!
C went ok today. She asked about how I would handle MC. I said that I thought since W was the one being "dragged" in, that I would let her go first. And she will almost certainly go into the division of labor, etc. Then I think I will ask when the last time she hugged me was, or what happened the last time I tried to kiss her, or when the last time we ML was. I think that might move the conversation over to the larger issues pretty quickly. The C thought that was a good idea. It lets W get her "stuff" out there, but then gets past it to the bigger stuff. Of course, the first trick will be to actually get into MC!
Maybe its not a huge thing that she is reluctant to give you the schedule.. I am sure fixing your marraige feels like climbing Kilamanjaro (sp!), ok, Everest.. and maybe she's just naturally apprehensive, fearful.. etc. Thats me being optimistic! (I have alot of Sagi in my chart )
I like your plan for MC and seems your C was validating of it too.
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