. I read one email from a stander that was so graphic that it will not reach our female staff. Hopefully that person is not spreading the same information about her prodigal husband elsewhere. Some email contain words and descriptions that cause the message to be caught by a filter and to never reach the Ministry at all.
"But you are a marriage ministry, you should expect to hear a lot of bad stuff." Yes, we do, but the graphic details need to be shared only with God. Many of the people who send us graphics refuse to send their address because they are not sure we can be trusted. Repairing your identity would be easier than repairing a marriage after your spouse gets wind of what is being said about them. No prodigal would ever want to go home and face people who have heard what we hear.
Today I give you "Steinkamp's Axioms of Marriage Restoration" -
"The more an individual shares their detailed circumstances, the less they praise God for what He is doing, both seen and unseen."
"The more an individual praises God for what He is doing, both seen and unseen, the less their need to share the detailed circumstances."
Are you telling everyone who will listen about your spouse's faults or about your Savior's faithfulness? It has to be one or the other.
Still thinking about trains, do you know how to tell when an idling train is about to move? Two short blasts from the locomotive's whistle indicates the train is about to roll forward. Three short blasts warn that the train is about to back up. What direction will your stand be taking by the blasts that you give this Christmas season? Will you be moving forward in your stand, or will you be backing up?
I have said it before, and I will repeat the statement to my dying day; If Charlyne had said much of the stuff about me that we hear standers broadcasting these days, I probably would never have come home. Regardless of how bad my actions, it was always a confidence between my wife, her primary prayer partner and God.
I came home to a wife who full-well knew my sinful life. She also knew how God saw me, for the potential He saw in my confessed and forgiven life. Charlyne has written and taught on God giving her scripture when she asked in prayer how He saw me.
If you are still grumbling about what your prodigal is doing, you will not understand this, but I came home to a wife who adored me. What prodigal would not want to be married to a spouse who adored them. Yes, I had tons of faults, but Charlyne loved me so much that she was willing to see me as God saw me, and to cover my nakedness until God moved in my life.
"Noah, a man of the soil, proceeded to plant a vineyard. When he drank some of its wine, he became drunk and lay uncovered inside his tent. Ham, the father of Canaan, saw his father's nakedness and told his two brothers outside. But Shem and Japeth took a garment and laid it across their shoulders; then they walked in backward and covered their father's nakedness." Genesis 9:20-23
We read three chapters before that, "Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked with God."
Like possibly your spouses, Noah had fallen away from his walk with God. His son, Ham, had found him naked and told his two brothers. What was the response of Shem and Ham? Did they call the Tent City Prayer Line, cite every detail and request prayer for a fallen father? Did they fling open the flaps of the tent so everyone could see how sinful Noah had become? No, they walked backward so even they would not see his nakedness, and covered Noah.
Charlyne and I sense that it would please God for standers to be walking backward to cover the nakedness of their Noahs. Too many standers who are doing so many good things in all the right ways are failing to walk backward. Too many are ready to share all their prodigal is doing wrong, in too much detail, at every opportunity.
Has your stand reached a stand-still? We have a suggestion. For the short balance of the rest of 2008 give only good reports about your spouse. That includes church friends, standers' groups, by email, and yes, even on the Internet. It does not matter what he or she is doing/saying/threatening, you can find a good report in there somewhere. After all, you chose that person to be your spouse. You might allow, "God is moving" to be a standard reply when asked about your mate. We encourage you to try walking backward until it becomes a habit. Hopefully, if you finish 2008 that way, you can keep right on covering your mate's nakedness into 2009.
"Why should I?" There are four good reasons:
* It would honor God.
* You will feel better not carrying around all that stuff.
* Reports do filter back to us prodigals.
* Doing so would help the restoration of your marriage.
There's no better way to tell your spouse that you're serious about standing than for them to hear a good report second-hand. I know. I was told over and over by other people about all the positive Charlyne was saying, and then I went home. I pray that your spouse will do likewise.
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians: 4:7-8
Hmmm.........I am surprised you were allowed to post this as my Charlyne Cares had been removed in the past.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
