Hey there Chickie: You are going to be okay. I know this is tough, but just remember there is a reason for everything. Now, I am going to tell you that I liked what Jack said about God. I am not religious, but I rely strongly on my faith. It has gotten me through some real sh!t. But I think one of the biggest things we do as humans is to say "let go and let God" and then we don't let go. It is a leap of faith. But that faith must be complete, total, and unconditional. You just have to let go. The pastor at my church said that when people are going through trials they do one of two things...either turn away from God or become closer. Some of the greatest yelling matches I have had are with God just asking Why? I don't necessarily get an answer, but damn I sure do feel better. And then there are times when I can picture God silently laughing at me because I feel a wee bit sheepish when I am finished yelling, and could swear I hear a voice quietly asking me if I feel better... no I am not schizo
I am concerned about your H's attitude. Just because he is a cop does not mean he does not have the propensity for violence. There are many cops who beat their wives, children, who use drugs, who drink. So don't for one second think that just because he is a cop means he isn't capable. So please be very careful. If I were you, and you suspect that your H has filed for D, I would at least CONSULT with an attorney. Please, PLEASE do not let this go further. If you have already been served there is a timeline within which you must respond. The law is a tricky thing, full of deadlines and documents that must be answered. Protect yourself, protect your children. In the long run, you may be able to stay in the house with at least some support from your H so that you can make ends meet. There are many things that can be done. But you won't know unless you consult with an attorney.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Hi, I havent posted to you before but I wanted to tell you something: I know you want your marriage and you are fighting for it but the way things are developing you need to be realistic and make sure you will not put yourself and the kids in a bad position because you are afraid to act wisely thinking you will eliminate chances for reconcilliation. Your H took some radical actions: "kicked you out", changed the locks, called the police, filed papers. He is ahead of you and you are still acting out of fear of loosing him. You need legal represantation ASAP. I dont know how things work in your country but in my country you leaving the house could turn out to be a really bad move. You need to pull it together and protect your rights and the rights of your kids. Talk to a lawyer, dont do anything unless you know it is not legally harming you. This is no game, this is hard ball. Protect yourself... Stay strong, xxx K
I don't have any words of wisdome to add that others haven't already given. I just wanted you to know that I'm sending prayers your way for the strength you need right now.
before you move back or do anything else, for your sake and the kids please see a L!!! please think of the kids, do it for them, that whatever you do does not come back to bite you in the rear legally later. I know you dont' want a D, but the L is to protect yourself! do it, just talk to one and tell them the sitch, talk to someone who can tell you what's the best thing to do. That man has been threatening with filing for D so many times, and now he does it and does not tell you? it is a huge red flag, please see it! he is trying to screw you up royally, don't let him.
Precisely when we are weak is that we are strong, you must remember that, that's the only way that God can be strong in our lives, when we confess that we are weak and can't go on any longer. No, you on your own dont' have the strenght, but God does!! believe in HIS strenght LB, only then will you be filled with that peace that surpases all understanding.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Not good. Our two week no contact lasted about 4 days. It was cut short for my birthday. Long story short...jacuzzi...birthday sex...huge fight!
I really not to grasp the reality that my marriage is over. I'm having a really hard time letting go, and I think that while he's letting go...I panic.
I have able to get served in his attorney's office today, so there where no surprises there, and I appreciated that. However, I disagree with about 80% of the divorce proposal...promting me to react with another angry phone call to him. I really just need to leave him alone, and LET GO! Yes, I have a lawyer. I'm taking the papers to her on Tuesday. I have no choice.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Ms ladybug I am glad you have a lawyer. Don't even contact him anymore on the D papers. Let your L do the talking. I know it is tough to let go, but we all need to at some point. It will get better, trust me. Like you said, leave him alone and don't even spend another ounce of energy on him at this point. Take care of yourself and kids, that's all it matters now.
Hang it there.
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
walk away for a bit and imagen you are someone else looking at your sitch... can you see how you hurt yourself by getting entangled with him physically over and over again? can't you see that as long as you are intimate with him you allow him to manipulate your and you are not able to think objectively??? I get it, the appeal of physical contact with him is compelling...but what happens next? it gets UGLY, it serves no purpose other than you being unable to detach yourself from this very perturbed individual.
At this point, the problem is yourself, not him, you refuse to see that this R is toxic. Step in faith and let go, love yourself a little.
Listen, you WILL be fine, you DON'T need him, you do NOT NEED HIM to live a good and happy life. Love should not be about suffering, anguish--that's all he brings to your life, nothing but anguish.
As someone told me eons ago, having the S back is icing on the cake, but WE are the cake, they are NOT our everything.
He's made you and the kids leave your house and you STILL hold a candle to him? fight for your kids, for your peace of mind LB!!
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I'm so glad you're posting here, and being this honest. You've inspired me to write some things later today on my thread. Keep it up, we're here for you!
I agree about the 50% comment, I've thought that a lot. How do so many people survive this kind of pain? And we will too.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
I retained my atty today. It makes me feel better being able to discuss everything with her. The divorce paperwork is pretty daunting, so it was nice to say, "Here. You do it." The retainer fee pays for 10hrs of service, after that it's $250/hr (I know, I should have become a lawyer). It just seems very business like at this point.
As for the house, h said he'd sign the house over to me, if I could refinance. I don't think I can do it. I think it's upside down at this point, and not able to refinanced. Atty said if the mortgage was going to be a strain on me (it would) then I should let it go. She said that I shouldn't have to be clipping coupons to pay the mortgage because I wouldn't have any $ for fun stuff with the kids, and h would end up being "Disneyland-dad". H said if I don't refi, he wants to sell the house. Again, I don't think there's a chance we'd come out even on it. I hope he'll hold on to it until it's a better time to sell.
As far as cs, his atty calculated $314/mo. Mind you, we have 2 kids! This is based not on my salary...but my POTENTIAL salary if I worked more hours (I already work 32hrs/wk). He also stated that he wants 40% custody. He wants the kids from noon Tues to noon Fri!! Now, he has not had an overnight visit in the 15mos we've been sep. Nor has he seen them more than maybe 1/mo on his own. Suddenly he wants 40%? Again, not going to happen. In no way am I going to keep his kids from having a relationship with him, but to go from 0-40% ?? In my mind, and I've just started this thought process, I'm thinking 1.5-2days/wk. would be fair. I think this would put it at 25%. Again, lots to think about.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
no I am not schizo 