Know What? Its going to be OKAY!

[InTheMist]

Well its over with my wife. If you're interested in knowing that I also felt what you're feeling, see my introduction. It was dramatic, seedy and painful. I was sick with grief and I thought I would never be happy again. Well that was 2 and a half years ago now.

Since then, I moved and she moved (with our four kids) to another country. Then I started working out and going out a lot, and doing tons of hobbies. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship yet, but I flirted and went out with lots of nice ladies - it was good to know that members of the opposite sex found me attractive still. But mostly I just took a lot of time to be me, and do things I liked.

Well one day I woke up and was drinking a coffee on my balcony looking at the view (part of my GALing), and I thought, "My life is f***ing cool" but I felt something was missing. I decided that my life was something worth sharing with someone again - not just a weekend or a night, really sharing. So then I went on the search for Mrs. Right.

I made a mental list of things that I liked in a woman. Hobbies, interest, life philosophies and goals, everything.

Well we had a series of local parties (sort of like Mardisgras) and I went to meet girls. I printed up cards like business cards, with my name and telephone number and a small place to draw a funny cartoon (another GAL hobby) and I gave out tons of the cards to every nice lady I met, and shared a drink or flirted with - each customized for the person I talked to. It was fun, and I had people come to talk to me just to have the card (it was just cute and funny, they're not that great, you can't do real art on a picnic table or bar stool, hehe).

Well after that I had a dating spree - sometimes two or three in one day on the weekend. Not serious, just coffee and get-to-know-you. I had a LOT of first dates, and I knew immediately if someone wasn't the one.

Finally I got a text message from one lady who I had originally met at the bus station (!) on the way to the party - obviously I don't drink and drive. We joked and flirted by text message a few times until we decided to meet.

I asked her all of my questions (remember the list?): What do you like to do for fun? What are your hobbies? What did you do last year for vacation? Philosophical questions presented in a fun and flirty way.

Wow.

After the first date, I knew this was the one. I immediately started cooling off with the other contacts in my little black book (does anyone still use a book any more?)

Well we have been together for 11 months now, depending on your definition of 'together'. We started off a little rocky. I think she wanted something a lot more physical, and I was guarding my heart, and generally mistrustful of women in general - I wanted MORE then a one-night-stand. I had plenty of those and its just not fulfilling. Our first time in bed was a disaster. I wanted to move slowly. We both agreed that we would never move in together, and we wanted a free and open relationship. I think that she was getting nervous after the disastrous first time in bed where we basically agreed that she should leave. She actually asked me "do you think a relationship without sex can work?" Of course not, I just like you and I need time. She was cool with that, sort of.

Well we eventually moved in together and we are deeply in love. We are of course exclusive. We joke that ours is the most faithful and committed 'free and open' relationship ever.

We have a wonder sex life, lots in common, many of the same hobbies - although I am still a bit of a party guy while she is not. I think she finds it attractive to be with a party guy even though she isn't a party girl.

We love each other completely and we're happy.

First of all, I want to thank this forum for all of the help you gave me when I needed it the most.

But mostly, I want to let you know that no matter how crappy you feel now - and I know many of you are feeling your worst down ever. IT IS GOING TO BE OKAY. GALing works even if the relationship doesn't. You have to love yourself, then decide if you're ready to love someone else.

After that, you don't have to be the most attractive person ever, just interesting, and someone will love you because you're a great person inside. You just have to show it!

[Reincarnated]

That was a wonderful, uplifting post. Congratulations for making it all the way through, first to being yourself, than to adding someone to share yourself with!

[InTheMist]

Oh, and one other thing that I hope helps some of you.

(She speaks German and French only so I hope she never reads this)

My girlfriend is not the most beautiful, successful, wealthy, sexy person of all those that I met. She is a simple girl who works with her hands and scrimps every penny she can.

But of all the dating, she was the one I wanted. And I wanted her badly enough to want to get to know her first.

Actually in retrospect, there were several times we bumped into each other before that, we were in the same place at the same time, and we even talked and flirted once or twice. I think I wasn't ready but God was telling us knock knock, here is the one I prepared for you.

I still struggle with the pain and a friend of mine is going through it now too. I told my girlfriend that if she ever decides to break up - she'll see only a dust cloud while I get back out there and ask the world, "Will the real Mrs. Right please stand up?"

[scrappy]

You didn't mention your kids....how do they fit into your new life?

[InTheMist]

Unfortunately the Atlantic Ocean is between me and my kids. Our relationship is basically summer and telephone calls. I do take a camera everywhere I go and document rather thoroughly everything I do so that the kids can feel close to me. Its sad but I didn't want this - and I make the best I can of a bad situation.

I support my children, I love them and they love me - and thats enough.

We both have new lives and I'm happy that I'm doing everything I can for my children. My life is simply better now, and yours will be too soon enough - no matter what happens!

[gucci loafer]

told my girlfriend that if she ever decides to break up - she'll see only a dust cloud while I get back out there and ask the world, "Will the real Mrs. Right please stand up?"

Yep. Exactly. You have arrived. Life is too short to waste it trying to be with someone who doesn't want you.

Not only that.. It doesn't work too much hanging around. They come back much faster and far more often when you let them go.
There are some on here who still can't accept that fact no matter how many examples they see that tell them otherwise...

Feels good doesn't it? Lots of available candidates that will love you. Find one that loves you and wants to be with you. Much easier on the soul and emotions.

[Starshyne]

Thanks for posting this. I keep wondering to myself "will I ever feel better?" "Will I ever be happy with my life?" And I know that I just need to give it some time.

And with that being said...I am ready to leave the house for my 1st play rehearsal! I am excited about who I may meet there. Maybe a new guy? Maybe a new girlfriend? Maybe a new gay guy friend? (LOL! you know what they say about theatre!)

Thanks again for posting your experience,

Sara