Opinions needed please.... does it sound like my H is having a MLC?
My H is 32 and constantly looking for the next thing that will make him happy... cars, real estate, going back to school (possible med or law school) while he can. He talks about how he is getting to be an old man all the time. He is very moody and seems unhappy a lot of the time.
We were only a few months into our M when my H decided this R wasn't right for him. He ran away at the first sign of things not being perfect in our M. He has filed for D. Have gave me so many reasons... from we're not compatible to our R will fail anyway so why wait to I'm not in love with you.
Recently he again said he's getting to be an old man and if he is ever going to get another shot a M, I need to sign off on the D and let both of us move on. Ouch! He seems very panicked about getting older.... Any thoughts?
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
it sounds like things were not good before the M and you didnt want to the signs ....he was searching for the next quick fix to feel good, he the M would do it...it didnt, so like all his "toys" the M and you are disposable....
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
i agree. things were great as long as it was fun and easy and the moment it wasn't not fun/easy anymore, he ran away. Very frustrating and hurtful. does it sound like a MLC?
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
Fit whether its MLC or just a case of the R fix wearing off you need to take care of you it is very painful therapy helps since, there is no way to get thru to them, we need to be prepared to go it alone for now hopefully you have friends you can talk with remember it isnt about you many of our spouses become restless happiness is within but our H think another M or R will make them happy and the cycle continues good luck peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
peace, I am taking care of myself and realize there is nothing I can do to help my H. I wish a good 2x4 upside their head would do the trick :-) It's hard seeing you love struggle
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
32 and on his second M...wow how long was the 1st one? You are soo young, easy to start over. Cut your losses and run! It sounds like you shouldnt had married.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
F, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Have your h always been this way? Die something happen to him within 18 months of getting married to you?
This may not be mlc at all, but his true personality. There are some people who have this "never happy attitude". They are thrill seekers who are constantly getting their high on new things, new adventures, etc. Once the euphoria is gone, they tend to drop the item and move on to something else. This can also apply to marriages and/or relationships as well.
Can you tell us more about him and his personality? It could very well be an identity crisis and he would be just about the right age for that....but we need to know more about the situation in order to try to help you along.
For now, take care of yourself, protect your assets, set up a separate account and take him off of any credit cards that you have. If he's out there doing the "thrill/rush" seeking things, he's self-medicating for some reason and you do not need to be pulled down into his financial ruin, if it should come to that.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I do not believe he's always been this way. His dad died about a year ago. He also joined the army a year ago, which has been a major stressor for both of us! He went through a D 4 years ago which I believe he still has unresolved issues from.
He grew up poor and parents never involved. He never heard the words ILY from them. He was the only one in his family to get an education and move away from their hometown (has 5 older siblings). He is very independent b/c he had to be. (Says he doesn't NEED anyone when I offer to support him or when a friend pisses him off). He has 2-3 male friends he keeps in contact with (both older, like father figures).
His first M lasted 3 yrs. He says he gave all the effort (including MC) but she wouldn't change or work on their M, so it ended. Past few years, lots and lots of work. Then he decided to join the army and we met.
We hit it off right away. Seems like when reality hit him that things wouldn't go on like a dream, he bailed. He says he got scared, said our relationship would fail, doesn't want to keep putting time & energy into our R since it will fail (while deployed for a year) and wants a D.
He is a hard worker, motivated, a thinker, can be pessimistic, can be a dreamer, goofy, passive aggressive when something makes him mad, aggressive when he has to stand up for his side. He does seem unhappy with life
Now he is urging me to sign the D papers b/c he is an "old man" and if he is ever going to married again and have a shot at things, he needs to move on.
I am taking care of myself, trying to be patients, and praying for a miracle!
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
Well, your last posting says a lot about your h. He's passive-aggressive, he was stunted emotionally by his family, his father has died, he joined the military, he's been divorced. He is very much ripe for a mlc.
Can you stall signing the papers? Do you agree w/what he's got in them?
All you can do is be a friend to him right now. His head, heart and soul are very screwed up and he does have a lot of unresolved issues from his childhood that have carried over into his adult life. No more talks about the relationship/marriage. If you can avoid talks about the divorce, then do so.
I'm very sorry you are here. He's a train running out of control emotionally.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This situation really breaks my heart. I really do feel for my H b/c by having another D, he is only creating himself more problems down the road.... just adding onto his load. But I know I cannot do anything to help him and he has to do it himself.
I agree with the papers but will not sign. I would like to stall and give it more time. Not sure if that will happen but that's what I am aiming for. I will be there for him as much as he will let me.
I will keep praying for my H and our M.
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
