Detachment, Pop-Tarts, and Hope

[Silent Chrleader]

A week with my books, my doggie, and a journal. I think this is just what I need.....

Sounds absolutely blissful!! What kind of books do you read? I'm an avid reader of female porn! (i.e. romance novels!) If it has literary value, forget it!! But give me a tortured, hunky hero in a hot love scene!.........Yep, that's what I'm talkin' about!!!

[ThinkingItThru]

I'm into the soul-searching books right now. Elizabeth Lesser, Cheryl Richardson, Eckhart Tolle....I will probably fit the last Twilight book in there however just to balance things out. And probably a Living Green book that I got for Christmas. All those books that have been piling up on my nightstand.

[ThinkingItThru]

Well, I mentioned my upcoming vacation to H. No response positive or negative really. Just asked if I was taking the kids. Go figure.

So now I have a lovely trip to the cold Alabama beach to look forward to in February.

[ThinkingItThru]

This is just too strange to me. Your spouse has just told you they are packing up the dog and taking a spontaineous cross country road trip and you don't have anything to say about it. I know it's a total MLC reaction, but too weird.

This spontaineous trip is such a 180 for me and it feels great. I mean you're looking at someone who keeps their DIY projects and hobbies in Microsoft Project.

[WCW]

I go to AL in March with my horse, won't make it as far as the beach. I started that as a 180 and GAL and it's become an annual tradition now.

When I was newer to this I also did a 180 trip when I left by myself for a week and went to Lake Tahoe. That is so different from anything I would usually do. I had a great time. H never asked a thing.

I think that's one nice thing about dealing with this, WE do things we never would have done before either!

[Silent Chrleader]

....... I mean you're looking at someone who keeps their DIY projects and hobbies in Microsoft Project.

That's funny!!!

I too have been contemplating a road trip. I also thought about taking a trip to visit my sister in Indianapolis! But, I really can't afford the air fare. But I definitely want to take about a week off sometime soon to just relax!!!!

[ThinkingItThru]

What to say? Situation hasn't changed much except to say that things seem even less intimate than before with even less talking. I no longer care about anything that has to do with the R and I feel like I'm just riding it out until the kids are launched. I don't know if I can do 3 more years of this. 3 years of no intimacy or physical affection is a long time.

Sometimes I just wish that he would have made the decision to leave if he doesn't want me anymore. At least then I would feel free to move forward. To find what might be out there for me instead of waiting to see if he will realize what he is missing or has missed. Instead, he is comfortable the way that things are now and like all things with this passive aggressive fellow, it may be up to me to take action. And this is not exactly something that I want to take action on. So I sit like "patience on a monument" waiting for what may come. Asking god for signs to show me the way.

And at this point I'm not sure I can take him back. There is a fine line between someone finding they've made a mistake and trying to come home and win back their spouse. And that spouse either feeling like they've won something valuable or feeling like they're some kind of consolation prize or backup plan because something else didn't work out.

I'm a little bit annoyed that I find myself a 40+ female statistic. Someone with much lower chances of finding another partner, a new "Mr Right". As I sit in some of the parent's meetings for our high school students, I look around at the other parents and find that the majority seem to be 40+ single women. And I suppose I might likely fall into that group in the future. But, heck...my Granny found her true love in her 70's so anything is possible.

But, on the bright side, like Granny, I have always been a woman who is comfortable being on her own.

Gosh I miss hugs and kisses...

[ThinkingItThru]

Just a note on some of the debates that have been going on in these forums...

I think that there is room and desire to have all opinions no matter how sweet or how tough they are presented.

And one thing I have learned in the 6 short (ha!) months that I've been here is that sometimes when someone says, "I don't care about you" they mean just that. They are still at home, or they are popping in and out, because it is comfortable and its what they know. Its not that they don't have the guts to make a move, its that they don't have any reason to make a move. Why would they? They have a comfortable home for their kids and themselves and they just have to put up with a roommate. A roommate (LBS) who in many cases is DB'ing so they are non-confrontational and pleasant to be around. As a matter of fact that spouse (LBS) goes out of their way to make life comfortable for them. Doesn't mean they will ever grow out of it, feel love, feel desire, or care about that person (LBS) again. That person (LBS) needs to decide at some point what they want out of life and maybe, just maybe, the spouse will decide to join that journey. But probabilities are against it.

[techguy]

Excellent post. (I was going to abbreviate your handle, but TIT is so unfortunate)!

It makes me respect my WAW a bit more for at least leaving. While it was traumatic at first, I have found considerable peace of mind over the last few months without being exposed to her negativity and drama.

Have you thought about proposing a trial seperation to your H?

I know we all have concern about the kids. But we've been seperated for six months now. Sure, the kids would be better if we were a happily married family. But that isn't an option. The choices are two people living together in a drama filled unhappy house or two households that are at least calm. I'm pretty certain that the seperation has been good for the kids in that regard.

[ThinkingItThru]

Thanks tech,

I was concerned that I was being a bit caustic with my comments, but in my real world I can only change so much (and I only want to change so much) so if he decided he didn't care for the person that I am, perhaps its for the best.

I still have hope that something might happen for the positive with my R. When I return from my vacation I'm going to suggest again that we go see a MC. Perhaps on of the Imago counselors. I hope that perhaps since the shock has worn off, perhaps he'll reconsider.

I have often thought that it would be best to be separate for awhile, but like most Americans in this economic climate we can't maintain 2 households. And things really aren't dramatic or painful. They just aren't anything. It is really like having a roommate. Except my roommates from college and I used to hang out more