Is the upside up?

[glamgirl]

Oh my gosh Upside, I see you have movement but not what you want. Hmmmmmm die without you. Gosh it was a mere few years ago that he just couldn't see you in his life. Well I would think that you liked that comment from your h.

I think your C is right. You need to give this more time. Hey at least your h is staying, mine would probably break out in a sweat and a panic if he had to stay. He still says baby steps. If I have to hear those words one more time.

Hang in there. This still sounds like progress.

[peacetoday]

Upside
good to see you
I agree with GG
hang in there--it is frustarating but many of us would love to see our H making that same progress as yours
it has been a long road, I know
but maybe the miracle will come soon
keep taking care of yourself
and remember you may wake up different tomorrow ready to stand again
we cycle too
peace

[Upside]

I am afraid I may be getting some expectations because I sense my H may be turning a corner. I don't feel comfortable thinking this way because I have thought that in the past and things have gone no where...however something seems different this time. I really hope I don't have to eat my words later. Anyway, my H is being much more consistant with contacting me. He recently went out of town for a few days and he called me everyday and sent text messages. He came over when he got back and actually spent the night...something he hasn't been able to do for awhile. My H seems more relaxed and his hypertension is lessening. I am not really sure how to explain it but he does seem to be more tender with me and he even looks at me more lovingly...much like he used to.

I hate to get my expectations up. I know he could get scared and run.

We have a C appointment tonight. My H says he hates going to C but he will go...he says he would rather just spend the time talking with just me. My H said if we aren't mad at each other after C we should have a romantic night together since my kids will with their dad.

We will see...

[peacetoday]

U
a romantic night...that sounds nice!
sounds like your H continues to make progress and there is nothing wrong focusing on the positive
I like how your H said he wishes he could just talk to you--that is impressive
and his tenderness

you have nothing to lose by believing he is turning the corner
he continues to move slowly but move nontheless
and now you see and sense more changes
keep doing whatever you are
I hope all works out for you U
peace

[Upside]

Hi peace-
I don't know if my H has turned a corner or not...I want to think so but whatever is going on, I am sure we still have a long way to go. I would be surprised if my H doesn't get skiddish again.

My H and I had C last night. Afterward was nice but I wouldn't really say it was romantic like he suggested. We went had a nice dinner and afterward he came over, we watched his favorite show and we went to bed. That makes 2 nights in a row where he spent the full night in bed with me and didn't have the need to leave. Is that progress? Possibly. I did talk to my H several times today and he even invited me to meet him and friend for a drink tonight. I declined since my D was home.

I know my H is going out of town again this weekend...which doesn't make me happy but he says it is work related. He did invite me to go with him but my kids will be with me this weekend. Oh well...my H keeps making suggestions about us going somewhere together...we will see if it happens.

[peacetoday]

Upside
2 nights in a row!
I think that is progress too
keep focusing on the positives
and take care of you
declining the drink was good
too much too soon may not be helpful
take care of all the other parts of your life kids, work, friends,hobbies ect
H is just 1 part
peace

[new_attitude]

Hi Upside,
It sounds like progress to me, slow but steady! Keep focusing on the positives.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Oh well...my H keeps making suggestions about us going somewhere together...we will see if it happens.

Ever wonder if he is seeing if you're willing to do the work to make it happen? Would that be different than the women he thinks he knows? Or were you the type that let him put everything together?

"You think that's air you're breathing? Hrnmm." - Morpheous.

[Upside]

peace & na-
I appreciate your comments and support as always.

Jack-
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. The sage advice you give on this board is so appreciated. With the exception of couple of weekend trips when we were dating, I made all of our travel plans. It is different for me to let him make the arrangements and we did make plans to go on a weekend trip weekend after next. However, I don't think that trip will be happening now...

I had a dream last night that reflects exactly what I am feeling. I dreamt that my H and I were out traveling around and came across a little wedding chapel. We went inside and my H thought it would be fun for us to renew our vows. I was excited that my H wanted to recommit to the M. We start the ceremony and as soon as I say my vows and before my H says his, he walks away and goes off to another room. He never comes back to say his vows but does sign the marriage certificate. I was left feeling like I do now...I am married but no real commitment.

I have been at this for more than two years now. I believe there have been so many positive changes in me due to this experience but maybe due to these changes, there is something inside of me is dying. I have lost the compassion for what my H is going through. My H and I had C last night and I kind of let him have it. I just can't sit there and listen to all the crap and excuses anymore. After almost a year of counseling, he can't stop bringing up stupid issues time and time again. I do not think he really wants to move forward. There is a big part of him that likes the way his life is now and that does not work for me. I have explained to my H that I want someone in my life that enjoys my company and looks forward to being with me. I want someone in my life that wants to know how my day was and doesn't care if what I have to say isn't always interesting. I want someone in my life that I know will always be there for me. This isn't my H...at least not now.

Last night at C, my H said how he thought his being out of town for the last two weekends bothered me. I never gave him any reason to believe that...it is his own guilt but regardless of that, it appears he doesn't want to give up his freedom. Also, my H likes to gamble and when he was out of town last weekend, he won some money. He called me on his way home telling me that he stopped to do a little shopping. I said something like "Oh, you're going to spend some of your winnings." He said he took that as some kind of criticism. Now mind you, my H has been a spending fool since he left over two years ago and I have not said anything. I support myself and I have accepted that he can do whatever he wants with his own money regardless of how stupid or frivolous it is. The C told him that when something like that happens, he needs to discuss it with me rather than just let it bother him. Can someone please explain to me why my H wants to look at things I say and things I don't even say so negatively? Guilt???

I am so tired of this...seeing progress from my H only to have him back off again. I have read here so many times that LBS has to be especially still when their spouse is nearing the end of their MLC. I have tried to be patient and understanding but every time my H makes some forward movement and then backs off again, it kills my feelings toward him just a little more. I am sure those feelings could return if my H was able to put the effort in but I'm not sure he ever will be. I feel so stuck and I just know I want more than this in my life. I was so frustrated last night I started talking D. I know when something isn't working, you need to try something different. I just don't know what I can do differently with my H other than walk away. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I called my H this morning to tell him about my dream. He laughed at how he was avoiding in the dream but said he said since it was his idea to renew our vows, the dream was inconsistent. He wants to meet for lunch today. I'm not sure how this is going to turn out.

[glamgirl]

Oh my gosh Upside I could have wrote that post. That is exactly where I am at too, only 2 yrs and 7 months later. My h has gone to the cave, peaks very little and has made a mess of his job situation. I have no advice. Sorry! We sound like we are in the same place.