OUCH! Sheesh! This exercise stuff hurts! But, not terribly!
The last two nights S11 has had the semi-final and championship games for his junior high basketball team. They lost last night, at the .7 second mark 31-32, and he had a rim ringer at .4 that went round and round and round, and DIDN'T GO IN! God! They played superbly though! H was able to get home to see both games, then leave again for work. S11 was thrilled!
I've been working on that detaching thing. I think it's been easier because I have a goal in mind. I'm going to lose this dumb extra 15 lbs, focus on that, and the kids and work. I'll still be pleasant, cute, "done" when he's back in town from working, and "busy" when he calls or checks in.
This morning he called, EARLY, which he NEVER does, as he'd been up all night driving to make up for coming home the past two nights. He was just checking in to see what we were doing. And, to tell me how proud he was of S11's "play" in the game last night. He also said, since it's S11's b-day on Friday, he was working to get all of his out of town stuff done, so he could be home Friday afternoon, and we could take him out that evening.
Funny, too... in the past, especially if overtired, he gets a little testy over dumb things. And, he feels the need to tell me about it (if it's something involving one of the kids, the dog, etc...). Typically, this stuff would NEVER bother him, as he's pretty laid back, but if he's tired, he tends to get testy. Well, I've never liked him feeling the need to spew the venom of the situation to me, especially since if it's not something I can help. (If he just confided in his unhappiness with something, fine, but the testy words are a huge turnoff.) So, last night he sent me a txt, just prior to coming to the game (we drove separate since he was leaving afterwards), saying, "I'm going to kill that dog!" NORMALLY, I would reply, "Why, what did he do now?" or try to validate his unhappy response to a situation. I completely ignored it. Later on, he asked me if I got his txt. I said I did. And, just continued on with my conversation with another mom. He asks me later if I want to know what the dog did. I said, "Well, not really. You can handle disciplining the dog, the kids, etc... just fine. You're a great Man/Dad. I don't txt you with nastiness every time an issue arises during the day with the kids, the dog, the handyman, etc..., and I'm sure you're appreciative. You used to make me nervous with stuff like that, but I've I've come to know you do a great job overall, so I'm fine without knowing the details." Looked at me like I was from Mars. Then, asked if I wanted to stop for ice cream after the game. LOL
1300 calories yesterday 30 min walk w/ankle weights early this am w/early walker friend 3-mile walk w/BFF just now
Love it!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Actually, I just felt like, in the past, I was rewarding him (by feeding the fire) if he was acting testy. And, if I feed his "normal" approaches to conversation, maybe the testy ones will subside. Pavlov's dog? Ha! Anyways, it was a 180 for me, and I think he likes me doing something different once in awhile. I'm so typically an open book, pre-written, tested, and on path for life. And, more importantly, "I" like me doing something different if I don't like what I'm doing!
Thanks, Mike!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I can tell you feel a bit more comfortable with yourself too. I bet that feels great!
Keep it up!!!!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
hey, sometimes people just need to know that you are there to listen. They don't always need fixing, but just need ears. I think you almost went to far when you started saying YOU don't do those things, but when you ended with "I'm sure it's appreciated", that made it better, and it was great how you told him he was a great dad and etc!!!.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
"hey, sometimes people just need to know that you are there to listen."
...and there inlies the answer my friends, St has hit the nail on the head with spouses, friends, or co-workers sometimes they aren't looking for help they just want to vent. So many times we all 'jump' to help and fix, when we don't need to. Kinda like kids and people in general... we don't come with manuals sometimes it is tough to figure out when to 'act' and when not to, but most times there is no need to 'fix'. Sometimes if you feel a need to respond then respond with..."gosh I have felt that way also..."
"hey, sometimes people just need to know that you are there to listen."
...and there inlies the answer my friends, St has hit the nail on the head with spouses, friends, or co-workers sometimes they aren't looking for help they just want to vent. So many times we all 'jump' to help and fix, when we don't need to. Kinda like kids and people in general... we don't come with manuals sometimes it is tough to figure out when to 'act' and when not to, but most times there is no need to 'fix'. Sometimes if you feel a need to respond then respond with..."gosh I have felt that way also..."
I'll be damned...a blast from da past....my brotha from another motha....hope you brought "wood"
He does driveby postings and then disappears for days and weeks at a time. I have gotten to the point that I do not expect him, so when he shows up I have no expectations. Oh wait, I am lovingly detached from him! LOL.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
AJ - I guess so. I'm not sure why, but you may be right...
Did great all week, w/the walking, eating way less, etc... UNTIL my S11 turned S12, and all hell broke loose! H came home a day early, and took us all out for Japanese (with S12's friends), and then Saturday, we went to a party, and Sunday was S12's party for all of his friends. GOD! (The cake has left the building!)
Back on track today...
Glad to see you peeked in!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
ST - Ha! I knew someone was going to call me on that!
Yea, we had a bit of the same kind of "terseness" this weekend, hardly anything to speak of, but there nonetheless. I am 99% sure it's because he was just exhausted from the week (average of 2 hrs of sleep/night), and it comes out then. I've decided now, that the 180 is to just walk away when it comes my way. It's funny, because it leaves soon after that! LOL By Sunday, he had had time to recover his sleep, and was back to normal. So, we're back to a normal schedule this week... onward and upward!
I did notice that he's starting to bring up "fond" memories of stuff we did together or participated in as a family when talking in a group. It's been awhile since he stepped out and did that. He would talk about the "event," but not mention enjoyment... Now it's "We did blahblahblah..." and turn to me, and say something like, "W, do you remember how fun that was?"
Nice, but not intimacy. WWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNEEEEEE!
Thanks for all of the support!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
