I think Sandi and fb2 have summed things up for me very well, all that I will add is that if it wasn't the CD for mothers day that W got angry about it would be the Laptop computer for her birthday in May or diamond earring for xmas or was that the new engagement ring she just mentioned.
Sandi,
I was going to tackle the internet stuff with W last night but W and D7 were in very chatty mood talking about xmas of all things. W mentioned that she wanted a new engagement ring as she had lost her old one, that upset me and put me in a bad mood so I just went to bed early. Turns out W was only pulling my leg about the ring but I didn't find it funny. W followed on to bed later but her sobbing woke me up, she was feeling upset about her Dad, so I comforted her.
I talked to W today and she thanked me for caring, showing concern and also listening to her. Tonight she said she was going out to chat with friends, she actually told me in advance that she was going out but not specifically said where shes going. So its a bit of a sensitive time but I think I'll have to modify the approach I had in mind about tackling this internet chat.
Just to finish off, n_a I am a 100% supportive to W and I think to this point I have gone way above and beyond the call of duty in repairing this this M. If I'm honest there is only one of us working on this M and if there is anyone that needs LOTS of assurances its me, do I get any h**l no.
Lanzo
PS That was a bad way to finish a post but I just got a bit hot under the collar.
Just to finish off, n_a I am a 100% supportive to W and I think to this point I have gone way above and beyond the call of duty in repairing this this M. If I'm honest there is only one of us working on this M and if there is anyone that needs LOTS of assurances its me, do I get any h**l no.
You don't get much assurance from home, but those of us that have followed your stitch since you came here--know how hard you've worked and supported your wife. You have been stressed to the gills and I am concerned about that. A lot of posts come across as being very critical when actually, I think, people are just trying to make suggestions b/c they want you to keep receiving posts to show that people are reading what you have to say. And some, like me, tend to want to remind you not to get slack and lose the ground you've gained (which I can see where you could get very tired of hearing that since you are working as hard as your can).
I have noticed that whether it is on the job force, church, or family/marriage issues.......it seems to usually be what would be considered "petty" things that can be like a cancer that eats and rots at the organization/idividual/or the couple.....until something splits into. There have been a lot of "big" issues you have faced, but it is usually these "smaller" bumps in the road that end up just making us almost stop and quit trying to get down that road. The straw that breaks the camel's back!
We all are truly here for you, Lan. You know that in your heart, and I know you need to blow off some steam......and it is okay to come here and do that.......especially to me.....anytime you need to. Try not to fret anymore over the birthday CD thing. That is such a small issue in life to "worry" about when you put it up against what is really important. I look back and am so embarrassed at some of the so-called "gifts" that I given my husband over the years. I was lucky b/c he never acted hurt, but he had every reason to. The truth was that I just did not put enough personal effort into planning what to get him and would just grab something at the last minute for him to have a package to open. But, seriously speaking and what I meant in my post is this: It should not be something that somebody places an order, like you were a catalog store. A "gift" should be something that you give to somebody who does not earn it nor do they necessarily "deserve" it. If they "earn" it.....then it is not a gift b/c it become wages. Might even look at it in the same way of "deserving" it......it could be interpreted as "payment" for being good. A gift should be like an act of "grace".......nothing about earning or deserving should be involved in true gift giving. Our society has placed bad guidelines on gift giving. In our office, we place a price range for the "gifts" we give for the name we draw at Christmas (isn't that fun when you get the name of the person you can't stand?), or we are "obligated" to get somebody something b/c they always get us something or we will be thought badly of if we don't get something expensive. I could go on & on, but you see where I'm coming from about this gift business. Anyway, that's just my personal opinion about gifts and have done a lot of talking about something I said not to fret about.... .
You know you are one of my "sweeties" and I care very much about your stitch and want you to be healthy and happy. I know you are emotionally down and you are exhausted from all the time you have labored in the hard work of this R. When one is tired and irritated with things, we can interpret what is written differently than what the writer intended. I certainly hope that I have not pulled you down anymore than you already are b/c you are a special person, Lan, and have been an inspiration to many. Your strength has amazed me and your love for your wife has touched my heart. A lot of women get together and start into "male bashing", but I don't think there are many that would bash you. So what if you did or didn't do the "right" thing about a CD for her birthday??? It is past, and you will and we will make more mistakes--if we continue to live.. . I suppose we tend to expound on these things b/c most of us write on a daily basis and that is just what we do....
Hope you can get some emotional and physical rest b/c that, my friend, you do DESERVE!
Take care, Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think I snapped a little there, not at either of you or even at new_attitude personally, I think I was just reacting to the inference that I was being anything other than 100% supportive to W.
All opinions and suggestions are still welcomed here
I apologize if you took my post the wrong way. I didn't mean that you were not supportive of her. I see that you are, especially where it comes to comforting her about her dad.
I was just trying to take a look at where she might be coming from with respect to the mother's day gift. You know your w better than any of us and I'm trying to get you to look at her point of view to better understand where her crazy actions are coming from. You love her for a reason and you still want to be with her, so it may do some good to look at her positive attributes. Focusing on the negative won't help to improve your m, imo.
I agree with what Sandi wrote about choosing gifts: "A gift should be like an act of "grace".......nothing about earning or deserving should be involved in true gift giving." I'm also thinking that receiving gifts and words of affirmation may be your w's love languages?
All at a time when she's feeling sad about her dad and you're supposedly working on the m. From what I read, you have a w who needs A LOT of assurance. She told you what was important to her (and you didn't agree that it was important) and you ignored her and expected her to be happy anyway.
Just for the record this was the only part which got my annoyed all other comments were taken in good faith.
Hope things are going well for you. Hey, no need to apologize for getting hot under the collar or anywhere else. That is what these boards are for. For what it is worth, you are the model of 100% effort. I know alot of husbands that would have given up by now. I hope you will be rewarded one day for your efforts. By the way, I did not notice you were hot under the collar....
W went out last Friday and was very evasive about where she was going or who she was seeing. I pulled her up about this on Saturday and she said she went to see a friend who's mother passed with cancer a few years back. She didn't want to tell me who it was because the friend is male and she didn't know how I would react. I told W I don't have a problem with male friends, my problem is with secret male friends. Anyway I do know this friend and his family situation so there isn't an issue here. W also admitted that she's not handling the situation regarding her dad too well which is why she wanted to speak with someone who has been through it all.
Saturday W was feeling low so we all went to the mall for a bit of family time and retail therapy. (W LL is quality time). W returned a faulty designer belt to one of the big department stores, the belt was more than 2 years old but she managed to talk them into giving her an exchange belt to the same value.They were saying somthing about "lifetime guarentees" and "Our products should not fail in that way". Fair play to her for getting the exchange but I wouldn't have the cheek to try and get a refund for something that old.
Sunday D7 and I went to the park to feed the ducks, which was good for W as I think she had a good old cry while we were out. Sunday evening W and I sat in bed talking bout her Dad and her fears, she doesn't think she will be able to cope with the whole situation as she keeps thinking of his prognosis. The cancer is dotted about his lungs so it's not operable, so it's a case of six months of Chemotherapy and hope for the best.
On a lighter note W told me D7 revealed that she has a secret crush on a boy in her class but the boy doesn't like her. Am I getting old or do kids really get a crush at that age ? I didn't think I would have to be worrying about boys for at least another 10 years.
. 
. I suppose we tend to expound on these things b/c most of us write on a daily basis and that is just what we do.... 
