Many different views on this subject any mods/coaching any advice?
Put my husband out after discovering e/a or p/a, not spoken for two days. He seems to really care for this o/w and said he would try break it off but I feel he has become very dependent on her.
My feeling is that it will create worse situation and show me in a bad light if I do this, like I'll look needy, hysterical, like I can't cope without him. on the other hand, I don't want to look like a doormat and I know he is not telling people because he is ashamed to admit it.
He can't even tell me if he wants to be with me or loves me.
anyone else feel free to chip in.
Those of you whom have already offered advice on my other thread, I am listening, just going to weigh it all up.
I'm not sure what good it would do to expose to OW's family. No way will they take your side in this since you mean nothing to them. If OW has an H then I'd say definitely expose it to him. But her family would be of any help to you.
Now, exposing to your H's family is another matter. Does your H have a good relationship with them? Does he look to them for support and advice? If so, exposing the A to them might help bring the A to a quicker end. Or it might not. There really is no way of knowing.
The real question is, what do YOU need to do to feel better about yourself? For me, I exposed to my W's family because I wasn't going to lie to cover up for her and because she was filled with so much self-hatred and shame that she needed help.
There are no easy answers here, and every sitch is different.
Me: 33 WAW/MLC: 33 M: 4+, T: 10+ Separated: Nov 08 A#1: Oct 08 - Jan 09 (exposed and ended) A#2: Feb 09 - ? 1: http://tinyurl.com/mrmistakes 2: http://tinyurl.com/ckch9t 3: http://tinyurl.com/stillwaters3
I think it's more my annoyance that he is talking to one sister and his mum about how unhappy he is but not telling the full story, he hasn't said about the o/w, he is trying to down play it like it was a kiss and they are just friends. I know s it's BS .
Argghh. Maybe it's just me being bitter and wanting revenge.
The only way I could get to her husband/boyfriend is to go via someone in his work, and that won't guarantee they give me the home number and it puts them in a very awkward position.
I'm hoping that when his mum chats to his sister about it, she will mention it.
His family are very upstanding, good people. I don't think they will be impressed at all but he has always done his own thing. Youngest of five, think he is always rebelling lol.
The sister he in confiding in is lovely but they are very close and she will ultimately want him to be happy, especially if she thinks no one else is involved.
Keep it between just you two. Let him know that you will keep it between you two unless he doesn't do the same (i.e. talks to his sister, or contacts OW again). As long as he has ended the affair, there is no reason to expose in my opinion. Counseling should be occuring instead.
Ok, then I would do what Puppy mentioned a while ago to someone else. First, you ask your W to break it off and why. Then, you bring in a trusted friend/family member to tell him to break it off and why. If that doesn't work, you get a pastor/church members. You tell more and more people, until he stops. Not people "just to tell", but people that will go to him and talk to him. The fewer people that know, the better. But, you go by what your H does. If he won't stop, you keep getting more people. You are fighting for your marriage. Sometimes you can't do it alone. It all depends on your spouse.
Exposure to OW's family causes embarrassment to her that can be a deterrent unless her family is wacked...which is a possibility. Are they co-workers? Then go to their boss.
Exposure to OW's family causes embarrassment to her that can be a deterrent unless her family is wacked...which is a possibility. Are they co-workers? Then go to their boss.
I would say OW's husband only.
In my case, I exposed to OM's parents, because he still (at age 29!) lived with them, and he was studying to become (and getting very close to becoming) a COP, and I thought they could exert some influence on the wisdom of his choices on his potential new career. It didn't seem to help any. But if he had been married, I'd damned sure have exposed to his wife.
