BobbiJo ~ When our boys were your son's age, I read The Wonder of Boys and it helped me so much to understand "boy world". There are undeniable facts about boys - hard wiring, needs, rates of maturity, gross/fine motor development differences - too much to summarize here. But this book truly helped me see my boys differently and deal with them more effectively. For example, putting a ball in a boy's hand (or a pool stick, or legos, or a shovel) and playing along side of him will open him up better than sitting down at the kitchen table and saying, "Son, we need to talk...". Get them busy at play or fun work and a boy will talk. Anyway, that's just one of many things I learned and employed as a mom...and as an educator, too.
I couldn't say - and really, neither could the teacher - that this acting out is truly about what's going on at home. It could be, but with such a little boy, how could one really know that? It's tempting to hang behavior on a hook like trauma/drama at home b/c when we're going through that, loving parents are watchful of that. It worries us that our difficulties are handicapping our children somehow. It's worthy of considering as a factor, but also factor in age, learning to read (stressful!), and just being a little guy figuring things out. It is possible that he would have had nearly the same week he had even if everything was A-Ok at home.
Cheers ~~~
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I am going to the bookstore today to buy "How to Improve Your M Without Talking About It". The DB coach suggested it, then I heard Kalni mention it, so I am buying it! I read a 2-page excerpt on the website for the bookstore. Oops! I do some of the things I read.
For example, it said that you 'shame' your husband when you act afraid of how he drives. That he knows he can keep you safe. That is EXACTLY how my H acts! If I ever grab for the handrail-thing on my door when he goes really fast or switches lanes or passes someone closely, he gets all mad.
Never thought he saw it as me doubting him. I should have though, he always says "When have I EVER hurt you or gotten into an accident driving?" Which is true, I have hit a deer, rolled my car on gravel and got into a fender-bender. All were my fault accidents and he wasn't with me any of those times! But because I have had bad car experiences, I get nervous when I ride with him, or other people, too. Hmm...
Oh and it mentioned eye contact differences between girls/boys. No wonder my son has such a hard time! I always want him to look at me when I am talking to him. I can't wait to read this book...
Not much else in the world. I have been in a really good mood this week, coincidentally (or not?) H has been in Canada all week.
We have been doing some texting, friendly, low-key stuff. He tells me how hard he has been working (a co-worker was up 29 hours straight, they just bought a plant up there and are trying to get it running properly, there were no systems in place for them to ship anything ); I tell him I wish he didn't have such a stressful job but I appreciate the work he does to support our family. Trying to be affirming and validating.
Last night he called at 9:30 when kids should have been in bed, but weren't b/c I was just home from night class and Grandpa had spoiled them! Anyway his first words were, "How are YOU?" like he called to talk to me. Usually it has been "What are the kids up to?" meaning he wants to talk to them. So I told him how I was, which was GREAT! I was very happy/upbeat/friendly which was not an act, it is how I have been feeling all week. He responded by being very nice and chatty. Then I gave the phone to the kids and D was crying and saying "I love you I miss you" in a very small voice. At least she will get to see him this weekend when he gets back.
Oh and I have been getting up earlier in the morning so I am not so rushed-out-the-door as I have been. Makes me more relaxed so the kids are more relaxed. We even stopped for donuts this morning since we were running ahead of schedule. It feels good to start getting organized again...
Hey BobbiJo, I picked up that book a couple of days ago after Kalni recommended it. I haven't yet read it because I've been really busy this week but glanced through it and realize I do a lot of the things mentioned that may upset H.
Glad you're having a good week. You sound more relaxed.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Just came by for a hug... I hope you girls like the book. I dont think I suggested it, did I? (I get no money from Stosny). But IMO, it is good. I wish H could read it... K
You didn't directly recommend it. But you mentioned ordering it and how you related to it. Plus the DB coach had told me to buy it. So I did!
Where did you see my kids? FB? I wonder if my sister posted more pictures...she posts them all of the time and then puts them on my page, too... I think they are cute too but I am biased.
Thanks all for the kind words, compliments, and feedback. Brian, thanks for coming by. I am glad you are still around...to check on us, anyway!
I am having a bit of an inner battle after this weekend. It is much easier to keep my PMA up when he is in Canada. Which is good because he got back Friday at 8 pm and he is already gone again, he left at 8 last night (Sunday) and is gone until Friday at midnight.
The weekend was fine, we only had one incident of crabbiness between us and it lasted all of 30 seconds. He talked to me about his cows, I went out to see the babies. He talked with all of us about his work. It was hard to have much 'us/family' time b/c SIL/BIL were in town for niece's 3rd bday party which was Sunday.
But they were around all weekend so wherever we were, they were there most of the time. After church Sunday Dan and I and the kids were going to have lunch together. MIL called me, I answered, she said "Where are you?" I said, "Pulling in to (restaurant)" she said, "We'll be right there" and hung up. So our lunch for four turned into lunch for 11... She sure likes to interject herself sometimes. Found out from Dan later that MIL and SIL had been fighting terribly over the food available at MILs house, among other things (SIL prefers organic hoity toity stuff I guess) so she wanted to come eat with us. Whatever. We were fine either way.
Anyway the general vibe I got was that he was glad to be back extremely exhausted from work, but not all that excited to see me. Feel like the whole ILYBNILWY thing is going on.
But, again, he was flat exhausted from the 18 hr days in Canada, the flight, packing everything into 36 hours when he got back, etc etc. So I will try not to read into it too much.
I guess I am just lonely for hugs/kisses, holding, physical touch in general (not from my kids!!). But we are getting along well, and he called last night from Denver airport between flights and talked to me for about 10-15 minutes about the weekend, what was going on between his mom and sister, job stuff, etc. So he continues to call me whenever he has something he wants to talk about-crisis at work, family drama, etc etc. I just feel like we are friends when I want to be more. But, one foot in front of the other. That's how it works, I suppose.
I read a 2-page excerpt on the website for the bookstore. Oops! I do some of the things I read. 
But because I have had bad car experiences, I get nervous when I ride with him, or other people, too. Hmm...
); I tell him I wish he didn't have such a stressful job but I appreciate the work he does to support our family. Trying to be affirming and validating.
She sure likes to interject herself sometimes. Found out from Dan later that MIL and SIL had been fighting terribly over the food available at MILs house, among other things (SIL prefers organic hoity toity stuff I guess) so she wanted to come eat with us. Whatever. We were fine either way.