I have received H's answer & counter complaint. I can't believe how low he'll go. I'm just glad I've saved all those e-mails where he begs my forgiveness for years of abuse & neglect and tells me over & over what a great mother I am.
Can he be found in contempt for lying on a counter complaint ?
Any tips or recommendations while I await the court date ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Hi cookie! High and lows are to be expected but I am sure you will be fine, no matter what.
I am sorry he continues to act this way. I think his anger wont let him think straight. Just follow your heart and stay cool. I have no idea about the laws there so I cant give you any advice. But I guess you knew that... xxx K
In a contentious divorce money hemorrhages and emotions devastate. It's not the fight that matters, but the outcome. If your intent is to end the marriage make the best deal, listen to your lawyer and get the hell outta Dodge. Your spouse sounds like he's digging his heels in the ground so it might be tougher.
Based on what you've shared your spouse shows his emotions of loss through controlling, aggressive, negatively compulsive behavior. How do you counter this? If you feed into it then his actions will only get worse. Divorce is never pretty. When you fight in the mud your children get dirty.
The court focuses on the legal end. A cyber relation I had (where I never even met the person)was considered on par with his physical and emotional relationship with her during our marriage and the divorce process. Things that might be considered 'low' blows are just putting the cards out and foreshadowing the stakes.
I save emails so I can respond to them privately in my own journal as a way to get my anger out and points across without actually having to argue with him and that way I remain quietly separated from him and detached.
((((((((Kalni)))))))) A strawberry margarita it is. Let's make it a pitcher, & spend a few days lounging in the sun on your gorgeous white sandy beaches. xoxoxo
((((((((Gypsy))))))) My goal is to get out of this marriage. I intend to do it with my self-respect intact. I'm sorry that he chooses not to conduct himself in a way that his kids can be proud of. I asked him the other night if he was proud of the example he's setting for his boys on how you treat a woman that has devoted 19 years of her life to him & his kids. He admitted he was not. I asked him to merely remember that he is showing his kids a lot during this time and to consider how they view his actions.
I really don't care how he treats me. That's a reflection on him, not me. I am a valuable human being regardless of how he treats me. I do care what he teaches the kids.
Looking back, would you have done anything different while you were waiting for court dates ? Any tips or advice ? We have our initial hearing in 3 weeks. I'm counting the days. Staying in the same house is mental torture at times. I pray the judge orders him out. H says in his complaint that there is no reason we can't cohabitate while the divorce is pending. HA ! We couldn't cohabitate when we intended to work on the marriage how in the heck are we supposed to cohabitate now. LOL
& to no one in particular...........
I love this quote.........
"God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to help you become the person you are meant to be"
Most of the time now, I can be grateful for the life experiences that I have had, that enabled me to become who I am today.
I don't regret marrying H, nor the time we spent together. I don't see it as 19 years wasted. I see it as 19 years of growth & development on my part. I would do it all over again, knowing the outcome, because we had four beautiful kids together.
I will be always grateful for the amazing children God has blessed us with. They make every moment in life sweeter & more enjoyable.
In case I didn't post it somewhere.....I graduated from Doc academy. I have no immediate appointments to see Doc. I have his phone # & can call him if I need. I just haven't needed him at all since I made my decision to divorce.
I do need a chiropractor though. I have this intense pain that feels like a knife in my back. Symbolic ? I think so. I'm guessing it will go away right about the time H & I are living in separate homes.
take care my friends, you're in my thoughts, even though I'm a little scarce around here.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
(((((((kassie))))))) good idea. I just need to find someplace to journal that he won't invade. Maybe I could keep a notebook at my neighbor's house. lol
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I'm in on the margerita's, been in the mood for one for weeks just haven't found anyone to go with nor feeling like going out - but I just might have to this weekend. Until then, I'm be with you all.
I know the quote- and have held onto it for my own sitch - this one is to push me into the person I am supposed to be. I have had more compassion for others and listen much more. I just feel like I am with people in a different way.
((kassie)) too bad you don't live closer. I'd definitely be up for going out. A little mexican food, a few margaritas, & we'd have ourselves a good time.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
With a little more money I would visit anyone anytime even if it was just for a meal. I know there are people like that in the world it just has never been me. Someday, but in the mean time, like a friend here from the UK, we do many things in cyberspace as if we were really there. So, (sitting on the patio, sun low in the sky, umbrella atop, the margarita's are by the pitcher on the table. Reach out and enjoy the breeze, the warmth, the sweet/sour taste of the drink, and great company! (filling my glass and passing the pitcher) You gave me a smile!@
