Well, I'm off work for a 3 day weekend. Should be a good one. Lots of chores/cleaning house to do today. I have several things to do with the kids for Easter, and it is supposed to rain Sunday.
Thought my tax refund would be in today, but I just checked and it wasn't showing up. I'm sure h will be calling asking about it. Somehow it will probably be my fault that it's not here yet!! lol
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
I'm looking. For some reason today was the original date for direct deposit, and now they have pushed back the date to the 21st. I called to find out if there was a problem, on hold for 20 min, talked to a guy, now on hold again. I'm a little nervous because I did it myself for the first time with TurboTax. Oh my gosh, I hope I didn't mess something up!! Guess I'll find out. I had to rely on h to give me some info. I hope he gave me the right stuff.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Okay. Wheeew. All is well. He explained this whole long computer process to me for the e-filed returns and basically it was a computer glitch on their part that caused the delay. They had to rerun a whole batch of returns so it will be deposited next Friday instead of today.
I'll just wait until h calls me looking for his money, and explain that little tidbit to him. Good times.
Okay, quick question. I was thinking about this. When I give him his part, I should probably write him a check to have "proof" that I gave it to him. However, he acts so nutty these days, and I know he's in horrible financial shape. I'm not so sure I trust him with my routing number and account number. He might decide to pay some of his bills with my account. Now, he probably could have already done this if he wanted to, because I know my account was stored with the car finance company and the cell phone company b/c I used to pay all of the bills. So, probably okay, I guess... who knows. How else could I pay him that I have proof?
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Oh, I guess he trusts me because he's been paying all of the c/s right now in cash. He has no proof as to what he's paid, but it's not court ordered yet, so it really doesn't matter. Of course, I am an honest person and he knows that.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
That's a good idea. Do I get a certified check from my bank?
Okay, here comes my dissertation.
Just got the call from him asking about the taxes. I explained and he didn't really go off about it. Just said okay.
Then, got the crying, wallowing, missing me h. He was telling me all these songs that he has that remind him of us, etc. His current fave is whatever that Kidd rock song is you know, the one with Cheryl Crow. He also said he had a couple of songs he wanted to send me, because he had looked on this girl he likes Myspace and it said she liked anything but country. I was about to end the convo. at that point, but realized that he was talkinng about mine. ???
He was trying to iron a shirt (lmao) and talking about how he misses me so much. Just for ironing and cooking?? I said this laughing, and he says no that stuff, but everything else too. He tells me that if we get D'd I will not have any trouble finding someone else, because I am attractive, have a career, can support myself, and am a good wife and mother.
He also tells me that he wants to see me, but is afraid he will not be able to control his emotions because he wants to wrap his arms around me, cry, and ML. I did say something that maybe I should not have, don't know. I told him that letting your true emotions out is not always a bad thing. (He never wanted to talk about issues or problems, he preferred to run from them) Running from things makes you happier in the moment, but that it wears off pretty fast. He agrees. He also expressed that he would like to just get in his car, go to another state, and run from all of his problems. Then he said, but I wouldn't want to leave you and the kids, and it wouldn't help anyway.
He also asked me if I thought that everything that went wrong in our relationship was his fault. I thought this was interesting.
I told him the truth, that I have thought extensively about the things that happened in our R. I told him that there are things that we both could have changed and improved, and that I know of several things that I could have done better, or not done. I told him that I felt like maybe we might not have gotten to the point of separation if we had both made some different choices. This surprised him, because he had the impression that I thought I was always right, and totally blamed him for everything.
He fully took responsibility for what happened after we were separated, (at this point, in this convo) and everything just went off the edge of the cliff. He also asked me if I thought that he had cheated on me during the time we were living together, and I told him that I did not feel like he did, but of course can't be certain. He seemed to want to emphasize to me that he did not see anyone else until we were physically separated. I told him that I believed him, however we were still married after we were separated, so it was still wrong. He says he knows, and that was a mistake. This is the first time he has admitted that he screwed up on that particular issue.
Guess the 18yo gf is not meeting all of his needs.
He also keeps saying that he wishes he could turn back time. Where's Mach, that's Cher!!
He also said that he has been holding onto hope because he knows that people get D'd, then sometimes fall back in love and get married again. Odd statement coming from him. He wishes we could "start over". He said he felt like there was no way that we could fix our R, because he could not go back and fix all of the problems that had built up. He said he had felt like it was hopeless and there was no point in trying to right all of the wrongs. He also said that he thought that it was TRAGIC when two people really love each other, but end up divorced because they can't/won't fix the problems.
I explained to him that my philosophy now is that you have to examine yourself, see what happened, have a plan for not letting it happen again, and move forward. It is not about rehashing all of the old piled up baggage. I also told him that I had read that people who get to our stage in an R, where so much has happened, have to fix themselves and pretty much burry the old R, while holding onto the good memories. If they continue together, then it's like they start a NEW R, just with lots of past shared experiences. He seemed really blown away by this.
He was leaving to go to a friend's grandpa's funeral, so I let him go. He made a point to say that he would call me back later and he wanted to talk more, and see me. I told him that we would talk later. As someone else has said, Roller coaster up, roller coaster down.
However, I feel like he is having some insights that he has not had before. It's like each time a little more comes out. Yesterday he made an excuse to call me about something stupid while S was at baseball practice. He doesn't want to lose contact. Not that any of this means anything, because it could be different the very next time we talk. Just interesting.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Ok, onto the other stuff. I do see some positives in everything that you typed but don't let him pull you under the bus. They are very manipulative to get what they want and once they do, they run.
I can't figure out if he is being sincere or just trying to play games with you. You can always tell him when he starts talking about turning back time that you can't but that you can work on the present. Time to put the past behind you and move forward. Let him know you are all for trying to work on you two (if that is what you want) but tell him that he needs to work on himself first.
Only do this if he keeps talking to you and opening up to you. Slide it in there somewhere. Sometimes a MLC person sticks there head out of the tunnel for a little bit because they don't know which way to go but then something snaps again and back down they go.
You mentioned a roller coaster ride......it is sometimes a ride from hell so strap on the seatbelt and get ready.
Don't try to analyze on why your h is doing the things he is or saying what he is. It won't do you any good. By the time you think you have him figured out....bam.....back to square one.
Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
and basically it was a computer glitch on their part that caused the delay. They had to rerun a whole batch of returns so it will be deposited next Friday instead of today.