same sad story here - 100 hrs/week as an icu doctor - made time for every hospital issue, never wife and kid, and eventually she didnt need me anymore. separated at this time - she is not mad, just totally over me, and hopes i wont waste my time chasing her so i will not spend years being hurt like she was. she is a neuropsychologist, and seems her mind is pretty made up. i have already dropped lots of hospital duties, and spent more time in this last month since d-day with 7yoD than in the last 4 years, but she says thats great i changed for myself and D, but its too late for us. i really screwed up by thinking of suicide the first day, registered for a gun, but unregistered the next dy and gave W reciept to show i hadnt bought it. she trusts me with our D on weekends, but i know the gun idea really hurt any hope of reconcilliation. i'll keep trying - bought micheles books - they really helped understand how badly i screwed up by ignoring the family. warnign signs were there, just didnt see the blaring lights - this may be a situation where the last resort technique doesnt work - after ignoring W, doing more of the same may not be the best approach? thanks for any advice
I have spent many years working extremely hard, studying for a Phd and also working hard in my job and not spending as much time with my H and D as what i wanted to. Like you and your W, my H has left with no chance; he as completely shut down. he stated that I have treated him like a doormat for five years and he will not put up with it nay longer. he has also huge issues re our D in that he feels that I have neglected her. I have, like you made huge changes in my life, and my H sees them but just says that he is delighted for me and my D, but its too late for us. my H has moved in with his development manager of his company; do you know whether there is OM in your W's life?
Stay strong; if you believe in God pray; he forgives all our sins if we trust in him
thanks for the support - all evidence is against another OM, but conventional wisdom says otherwise. i know if thats true its really a no win sitch. after one month, last night, she wanted to sit down and do the nuts and bolts of custody and sharing the assets. hard, but we actually got to talk a while and had a few laughs. she knows that im never giving up on her. as someone said, it may be too late, but damned if its going to be too little.
My H has repeatedly told me too little too late.... In my sitch there is OW but as you rightly say; its never too little. I have made mistakes, we all have......My H is amazed at what he deems to be my unbelievable "self forgiveness". It is not the case where I am being light on myself........just reminding myself that I am human and the biggest mistake would be if I kept REPEATING the mistakes and not taking full responsibility for them. At the end of the day we are only responsible for our change, if we are working on being better parents, better people then they can choose to see it or not, believe it or not. We just need to keep moving forward, with hope and integrity
Can you fill us in on your background a little more? Years M, together, etc. Jot down as much info as you can and we'll be able to see how we can all help.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
thanks for the help - her first marriage was 10 years and then left because he was a traveling musician and never home. just like i was never home, although i am now, but as always "its just too late.."
