Had a mishap yesterday with the H. Had an R talk that blew up in my face and I was totally upset about it. I emailed him an apology and said I didn't want a divorce right now that I wanted to be friends with him. Didn't hear anything back from him. Flash forward to today.
Driving home from getting my youngest from school we pass by the gym. My oldest daughter says, "Mom, is that S (my best friend)?" I turn and look and see some blonde girl going into the gym with my H. I immediately whip a U turn and go to the gym. I bang on the door and he comes to the door. He looks scared and won't let me in. Needless to say it got very ugly. I told him so many things and called him and her (I never get to see her but I know she is listening) awful names that apply. I end up leaving. They have been "talking" according to him. They have been hiding her car so I wouldn't know she and he are together. She has a very distinct car that you can't miss.
Have to take daughter to high school registration. On the way back her car is now at the gym. I go flying up there. I want to talk to the both of them. I go into the gym and he isn't in there. I tell the owner of the gym that the girl who is up there with my H is supposed to be my best friend. He gets sort of red in the face. I can tell he is upset that I have come in there with my business. I do feel bad about bringing him into it, but I could not let those people in there think she is some angel and so nice.
Walk outside and my H is holding hands with the OW (aka who I thought was my bestfriend) in her car. I go over there ranting and screaming for him to get out of the car and for her to. They are both scared and stay in the car. I talk to them through the window. This man is unbelievable. I can't believe I ever DB's for this man. He is not worth the air I breathe. I told him I wanted him to file a contested divorce based on adultery and he was like but we haven't slept together. I told him that it didn't matter that I had proof that they had been having an emotional affair for quite some time. He looked upset. I will be going tomorrow to the courthouse to see what I need to do to divorce this man. I will not spend another minute of my time caring for a man who could do this to me. I wish everyone here the best in their situations. I wish for peace in all of your hearts and minds.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
W O W Personally i am glad you confronted it head on. Now you tell anyone who will listen about the 2 of them. Expose the whole ugly sordid secret and then sya nothing.
Keep your dignity but tell anyone who will listen.
It will be interesting what happens next. I like you am angry nd did not confront for months but my gosh how the flood gates have opened. It may be against Dbing but anger is a valid emotion and should not be swallowed for mental health reasons.
Sit back now and say nothing to them directly. They dont deserve your time.
I don't think I have ever been so mad in my entire life. I gave my all to this man and was best friends with this woman for 6 years. I have nothing but contempt for them both. What love I had for him is gone and it won't ever come back. I am looking ahead to still becoming a better me. I deserve better and am better than all of this.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
Ooooooh I know that kind of mad. Had it, have it and will continue to have it BUT the secret is not to let it eat at you and blind you. This D anger will not last forever and it may cloud your judgment. You don't want to act on it but you need the emotion to propel you forward. Make good unemotional decisions.
She is a whore and your H a dumb a@#$ but let them wallow in there happiness because it is not real. It has no solid foundation. It is built with deceit and lies. Its only a matter of time.
So you get on with you and making good decisions. Don't drop to his level. By the time it is all over you will be exactly where you need to be and he will be a mess on the floor.
gtfm, let me echo what you and polly have so eloquently said: your H is the lowest form of male scum right now. There are men out there that are honorable and will respect you and be faithful to you. Don't let your opinion of all men be tainted by your Hs current behavior. You deserve better and there are definitely better out there.
Stick to your guns and be strong for you and your kids.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
I am struggling to decide what it is I need to do. I do not want to be married to this man who has done all of this. I am ashamed to walk around with his name. I, on the one hand, want to file a divorce and cite adultery. I have cell phone records of his incoming and outgoing texts and phone calls to her. I am not sure if I could get actual transcripts of what was in the text messages. I feel so duped that this went on for so long. He lied to my children when they asked him who he was texting. He would tell them that it was me and then when one of them would say they were going to text me he would say that I was busy and needed to go, yet he continued texting. My marriage didn't have a chance. I could have been the perfect wife and I would still be sitting here having to figure out how to go about divorcing him. I also think about just filing an uncontested divorce, just to get it over with. I am going to take all the debt that is in my name (credit cards, my student loans, and such). Even though it was racked up while we were married and leave him with the one credit card that is in his name and his new truck that he put a down payment on with money his dad sent. It isn't an equal split for sure, but I'm so not going to mess with alimony.
The OW is buying him clothes now, taking him shoppping, to concerts, and basically my H has become a prostitute. He is pimping himself out. They are both such miserable people and I know that this relationship won't last. They are both too needy and too selfish to be able to function together. She has wanted him for such a long time because she was jealous of my relationship with him, but she is not me and one day he will realize that. It will be too late.
I am saddened and brought to tears by the actions of these two people. They have ruined so many lives by their selfishness and by admission neither one of them have any guilt. To be honest, I do not want to be friends with nor married to someone who could do this much hurt to someone intentionally and not feel remorse. It's sick and depraved behavior.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
It IS sick and depraved and it is obviously very painful, too. Even thinking about all of this is causing you a lot of distress right now. Do what you can to detach and separate yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally from this man and your ex-friend. That much evil and sickness will affect your mind and your thinking the longer that it stays in your head. Please try to detach and think about your kids right now. It may be hard, but draw whatever strength you can from your relationship with them and don't obsess or stress over the absolute mess that your H has made for himself.
Get that L and get cracking on making sure that you and your kids are taken care of. That is priority one right now. You are a strong woman with a strong resolve. Don't waver of be swayed now. God bless you in your adversity!
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
Thanks for you support PD and yours as well pollyanna.
Polly,
Could you please explain to me what you mean exactly in your last post?
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
Goingtofixme I will explain soon. I am unsure if H follows what I write here. i promise you , you will feel better if you stay calm for now and do not make a single decision or get caught up in one.
