Say you're sorry That face of an angel comes out Just when you need it to As I pace back and forth all this time 'Cause I honestly believed in you Holdin' on, The days drag on Stupid girl I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess This ain't a fairytale I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet Lead her up the stairwell This ain't Hollywood, This is a small town I was a dreamer before you went and let me down Now its too late for you and your White Horse, To come around.
Maybe I was naive, Got lost in your eyes I never really had a chance. My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upperhand. I had so many dreams about you and me. Happy endings; Now I know
I'm not a princess This ain't a fairytale I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet Lead her up the stairwell This ain't Hollywood, This is a small town I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now its too late for you and your White Horse, To come around.
And there you are on your knees Begging for forgiveness, Begging for me Just like I always wanted, But I'm so sorry
Cause Im not your princess This aint a fairytale Im gonna find someone, Some day Who might actually treat me well. This is a big world, That was a small town There in my rearview mirror, Disappearing now. And it's too late for you and your White Horse, Now its too late for you and your White Horse To catch me now.
Oh whoa whoa whoa-oh Try and catch me now Whoa-Oh It's too late To catch me now.
I think this was how I was feeling when my Husband decided he wanted to come home.
I think I was so used to living dysfunctionally, that it became my normalcy.
Learning how to cope on my own, accepting the hand that I had been dealt and making the most out of a bad situation.
And after picking up all of the pieces and finally getting into a routine and getting my children to a place where they were actually content and doing well.....
My Husband decided he had made a big mistake and wanted to come home again.
WOW!!!
It's been 2 years since he has been home, and I thought it was time to write about the real work after MLC, Piecing, or as Jack would say, Piercing.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
BND, In many cases, this happens exactly as you stated...you pick up the pieces, move on as best you can and learn how to live on your own and that's when they wake up and realize what a foolish thing that they have done and want to come home. That's why it's not only the mlcers decision to return home, but the left behind spouse actually has the ultimate decision as to whether he/she wants to reconcile w/the wayward spouse.
You were blessed in many ways...you had a strong faith, beautiful children who were there for you, your friends and this board. Now, you and your h have been given a second chance to thoroughly enjoy all of your blessings and live life to the fullest as a family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think the hardest part about piercing is that you are now forced to put all of the things you have learned from DB into practice.
There is no way to just give lip service and hang up the phone and go dark for a few days.
They are in your face, sleeping in your bed, sitting at the table for dinner.
In the begining, as much as we are happy they are home, it is also another huge change and upheaval.
No longer can you do as you please and make your own choices. I had to be careful about how much time I was spending on the computer or the phone.
I don't know about all MLC'ers, I can only speak for my Husband. But he was very needy, and a bit whiny.
It seemed like he was very insecure at times and would make little comments like "Are you sure you really want me here".
One time I was very upset with him and he told me that he didn't need to be here and could return back to California if he wasn't welcome in his own home.
I remember telling him that he needed to be wherever it was that made him happy, but I was never again going to beg anyone to stay with me if they didn't want to be with me. (I must admit, that was a very liberating moment for me!)
At other times he wanted to assert his authority in the house and be the "Man".
This would drive me nuts, because in some ways he was trying to just resume his position in the household.
Maybe for him time stood still from the time he left the home until he returned, but for me it didn't.
He really had no clue as to what grades the kids were in at school. He seemed to forget that we had 2 kids at College, as when he left they were both in High School.
My older 2 were polite with him, but definately kept their distance. A couple of times my oldest Son really got in his Dad's face and it was so hard for me to just step back and let them deal with it, as Men.
My younger children were happy that he was home, but it took them a long time to stop asking when Daddy was going to be leaving for California again.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
This was JUST what I needed to hear/read. Thank you for putting this into perspective for me. I want to write down all that I see, all that I hear, all that I feel about my own H and sitch. But many times, I just can't. I haven't even shared on this board about the convo we had last night. After almost 3 weeks dark, he came home the other night (details on "Do something different" -- you may have already read it).
But last night??? Oh, last night was different. Though I teared, and tho I made the contact, he was different somehow. He asked how I was? That's the first time in almost a year that he cared to ask. He wanted to know about my job sitch, and when he found out I may be out of a job, he said, "Then we'll both be out of work." He did say, "I don't reach out to you." I said I know. I asked him if he wanted me to, *not* reach out. And, he said "Yeah, don't reach out." But somehow, (I know this sounds crazy), but I feel like it's a cry for help. I said "other people reach out to you," and he said, "Yeah, but I don't want them to." He's hurting, BND. And I can do nothing but -- as Forrest Gump says -- stand on the other side of the roller coaster and let him come down. I can't believe it, but I can see it now.
I remember my friend, Meredith, telling me that ShinyBear's tips for piecing were a necessity for her---they helped to remind her that she was normal when experiencing difficulties.
You are providing the same service. Some of us want our spouses home so badly that we think it will just be magical when they get there. Thanks for the reminder that the work is still necessary-- the resentments sometimes still there.
I think we sometimes forget that we do have a say in things, that our opinions, needs, and wants still matter.
You are so brave and wonderful for putting this out here!
I think you did the right thing by quitting your job. You are like me. I also took home my job and was discussing it with H, even over the week-end. Conciensious people do that. It drives the partner crazy.
Sitting here reading Y/R old threads....and how she saw changes in him....but your husband moved 3ooo miles away and you mentioned he saw his kids a total of 12 days within those 2 1/2 yrs.how did you know he was changing.....how did he come home....did he just call out of the blue?? just wondering...
My H has been home almost two years and J3B is right...piecing is harder than standing for your M.
There are days when it is difficult because I get upset and my instinct is to bring up everything but the kitchen sink! I don't because I chose to let H come back home and our M is better for it.
My H wanted to come home at the same time things finally settled down, I had a routine with the kids and was learning to be a single mom (and doing well, if I can pat myself on the back)
I think the minute the WAS sees the LBS is ok without them, they doubt their decision and realize what they are missing.
