You got to do what you should / One life

[MichelleLT]

John, thanks for that. Since we have so few ties now, I'm not sure exactly how to react. I'll think it over this week I guess.

I'm not exactly excited about seeing him, so I'm inclined to compose an e-mail back, or possibly not, and call it good.

[JR09]

Michelle,

I hope you are doing OK. You are one of my very few regular supporters on my thread. I am definitely not one DB expert, but please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you all the way during this time in your life.

Lots of hugs going your way Michelle.(((((()))))))

JR

[MsMelancoly]

Wow Michelle, That seems so unlike your x to write such a long letter. For such a long time he seems to have been silent & awal. Thanks for sharing. Again, it seems to confirm many of the actions about the WAS. Do whatever is best for you not him.

[JCJ]

(((Michelle)))
Wow, I don't know what I would do with something like that. I guess it is all about communication and he decided to leave it till now to communicate?!

This isn't about him now, it is about you. Do what is right for you.

[MichelleLT]

Yeah, haven't heard from him since July, and he waits til the D is final to say this crap.

On the one hand, it's a nice apology in many ways. But it's so little, too late, and I don't know that I can be friends even.

I know he's doing it mostly out of guilt - trying to make himself feel better by apologizing and trying to be friends.

I also know he probably waited til I was happily dating someone because it took the pressure off him.

Frankly it's annoying and frustrating and maddening.

I went out with RB and another friend last night for Italian food. I wanted something comforting - lots of cheese and carbs lol.

Still haven't decided how I'll respond. I will respond at some point. Just not sure how yet.

Thanks for all the hugs. (((everyone)))

[goodattitudegirl]

Michelle and everyone,

Thank you VERY much for sharing your e-mail from XH. On this board we have so few opportunities to see into the mind of the WASs that it is enlightening to see a less guarded communication from one, albeit "too little, too late". Everyone's insights also provide much food for thought. Thank you all.

Like many of you, I continue to be haunted by the question "What motivated you (WAH) to throw everything we had away without so much as even TRYING to work on the R?" This e-mail provides a glimpse of that.

GAG

[MichelleLT]

Glad it helps you. Maybe it will help someone else change the path of their DBing.

For me, it's just frustrating. It's been 2 1/2 yrs. 3 if you go back to when his internet affairs started. But 2 1/2 since the bomb and S, 1 1/2 yrs since his attempt at "dating", and now 6 months and some change since he filed for D.

Now he decides to say this?

And I still don't buy that he didn't know I was interested in R.

And I can't believe he threw in snarky comments about my hair when he was all telling me how I should cut it when I donated it. *rolls eyes*

I guess I have more resentment over all this than I thought. The lack of contact was making it easier to bury. Dealing with this e-mail just infuriates me though. He threw it all away and all he can do is an e-mail apology?

[Kalni]

Michelle,
dont waste time on the email. Based on what you shared about your xh here with us, I think it was his way to place some of the blame on you and make a graceful exit. I think it shows how "small" he feels compared to you. He is trying to gain some face as the Japanese say.
Ignore it sweets. Would you reconsider having an intimate relationship with him?
K

[Virtually_Handsome]

He knew you were interested. He was the one that made it clear he couldn't do it. He's just trying to reqrite things enough to make himself feel better. And trying to throw a little guilt your way, where he can. The tone sounds different, but I think it's fake. Too much of it is still the same.

The hair thing is just wrong. To throw that in kinda shows where his head is, despite the "apologies".

(((((((Michelle)))))))

Kalni, if Michelle would consider an intimare relationship with him, I am going to have to go out there and kidnap her!

[MichelleLT]

Well, my e-mail:

The paperwork seems to be done. I think there is nothing more you need to do as I received the decree in the mail. Thanks for the offer.

I would not have fought you over the divorce if I did not want to get back together. Nor would I have tried to remain friends and begin to repair our relationship from that basic level. In fact, I know you knew I wanted to reconcile because I can't count the number of times you told me that I needed to give up because we were never getting back together.

I am assuming you were joking with the comment about my hair, but it felt superficial and mean to me.

Friends need to have trust and respect just as much as couples do. While I appreciate your apology, and I can and have forgiven, I will never forget. I do not feel that I can trust you, and I have lost respect for you, so I don't feel that trying to be friends is feasible. If you had made this attempt when the wounds were more fresh, instead of scarring over, I probably would have agreed with you. But at this point, I really don't feel like there is anything more to say.

We do need to finish up a few paperwork things. My name is still on your car. Ideally, I would like to transfer the car solely to your name. But at the very least, I will do a transfer of liability. I need the license plate, last 5 of the VIN, and the address you want listed with DMV.

I have started filing copies of the divorce decree with my unit to get my status changed in DEERS and for housing allotments. My personnel officer recommended that you file a dependent form with a copy of the divorce decree immediately so that it takes effect before you get paid next and they don't have to garnish your wages later. She also had me change my W-4 so that I won't end up owing a ton of money on taxes.