I went to the doctor last week and he increased the dosage of the AD's. He said that should help the anxiety, and I think it has. I have to go back in six weeks. As much as I didn't want to get on the AD's I think it was the right decision. I was on a downward spiral and I do think they helped that.
I haven't heard anything from xh. That's ok, I said what I wanted to say and I honestly haven't thought much about him since that day.
So it has been a while again, but I thought I would come and give an update.
First things first.....I am getting married!! We have set a date for June 12th and we are going to Vegas. There are a lot of friends and family coming and I am so excited. I was completely shocked when he asked me and I even took a couple of days to answer him, but that was due to my previous experience and nothing to do with him. He is also divorced with no kids. His marriage was about 4 years and he had a bad experience, no cheating but lying and deception.
As far as other things in my life, I am doing better dealing with my brother's death. My life will never be the same, but I am dealing. I was pretty close to the bottom before I started taking the AD's. I still have my moments and I imagine I will forever, but I am better than I was.
Haven't seen or heard from xh in a few months. I did tell him that I am getting married and he seemed to be really happy for me. I think he felt like it relieved him of some of his guilt. I don't really think about him anymore. The last time I saw him he looked so run down and just awful. It is kind of sad but he brought it on himself. My mother gets collection calls at her house all the time for him. I had a lawyer call me looking for him and then they sent a letter to my mother's. I left it on his car the other day. I am not sure what it is for but I am glad it isn't my problem.
Other than that, not much going on except that work is extremely busy. We had gotten down to the bare minimum as far as employees and I got through by the skin of my teet but things are really picking up now and we have been hiring like crazy!
AWESOME!!! Oh Kris, I'm so happy to hear this. It's funny, I was thinking about you the other day and then I ended up in a mess with my mom and hospitals and blah blah blah...:)
I will say, you are a brave soul after all you've been through.
I'm glad that the AD's are helping with the depression from your brother's death. I can't imagine dealing with a very sudden death of someone that close to you. All my closely related deaths have been long term illnesses.
I am wishing you all the best and nothing but happiness in your future.
Where in Vegas are you getting married? One of the chapels on the strip or in one of the hotel chapels?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Dealing with my brother has been hands down the worst thing I have ever been through. Sometimes it just hits me. I went to a funeral with my dad a couple of weeks ago, it was for a cousin of his. I had never met him but I went to be there for my dad. Well, turns out they had the visitation in the same room we had my brothers...I completely broke down. It was like it was happening all over again. Mish, I don't know if it is any harder than a long term illness, just a different kind of grief.
I don't think I ever posted here what happened, but the autopsy showed he had sarcoidosis in his lungs and heart. He never knew it. Looking back, I can totally see the symptoms and I have a lot of guilt over what I thought the symptoms were caused by. It helps to know but hurts at the same time to know that he was in pain and din't know why.
Anyway, we are getting married at the little church of the west (the hotel weddings are expensive!) We had originally planned on going alone but a lot of people wanted to come so we decided to let them. If it had just been the two of us we probably would have planned it for early next year, but I ended up planning around my mom. He has a house here, so I will be moving out of my apartment I waited for for so long and moving into his house. I can't tell you how good it is to be with a grown up! I spent my entire R with xh taking care of him, worrying about him, etc. No more of that. I really thought I would never find happiness or love someone so strongly again, but it happened.
He has a house here, so I will be moving out of my apartment I waited for for so long and moving into his house. I can't tell you how good it is to be with a grown up! I spent my entire R with xh taking care of him, worrying about him, etc. No more of that. I really thought I would never find happiness or love someone so strongly again, but it happened.