Tmrw is my raft trip down the Arkansas. I'm very excited! I haven't taken a solo raft trip without the kids or H for probably 10 yrs. Pulled out my tent, lifevest, etc. Can't seem to get the air compressor to work on my bike tire... but I'll try again in the morning. Frustrated about that b/c H always took care of the bikes, and everything, and now I have to figure out how to do it (and I don't want to!). But I'll get it or ask for help tomorrow.
We're camping outside of towm and biking into town to watch an all-female Led Zeppelin tribute band tmrw night. Should be fun!
Saw my H this week to get the bike rack. I tried to look really good, and he did seem to hestitate... explained how to work the bars rather than just giving them to me, and turning around... so, maybe a baby step. Maybe nothing as well, but it feels better than the coldness we had before.
I'm getting some male-attention at work & with friends... not to sound arrogent, but it is nice to be noticed... perhaps H is or will notice as well.
Sent a Father's Day card to my FIL and the kids signed it with sweet notes for him. Didn't get anything for H, and the kids didn't ask. I think Sun could be an odd day - for lots of us... just how do we respond, acknowledge, or not...? I felt good about the card, but we won't call him too - we'll just leave it at that. If the kids want to contact H, they'll send him a text. I don't need to know or be involved in that.
So, pretty good week. Hoping to stay in the boat tmrw (literally and figuratively). Just gotta keep going, point your toes downstream if you get thrown, and then get back on the boat ASAP!
I am so excited for you about your trip, it sounds like it will be a fun weekend, you'll have to let us know how you get on.
It seems an improvement that H was cooperative in what you needed (bike rack) and even helpful in explaining it rather than cold. That is a change right? It could like you said mean nothing, but it probably made having to get what you needed (bike rack) easier to do.
here's to staying in the boat!
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
This weekend was a great example for me of GAL. After sending the kids off for their own weekend plans, I loaded up my gear and went rafting on Sat. I met some new friends and spent time with some old friends (of mine and H's) too. The water was running fast, and although I was kinda nervous beforehand once we pushed off I remembered the excitement of floating down the river and getting ready for the rapids. Wow - it was fun!! No one fell out and we all paddled hard when we needed to. After a long day on the river, we set up camp and went to a whitewater festival in town.
There were so many stars in the sky that night... and my friend said something to the effect of "welcome to the fountain of youth! You've known it all along; you just needed to be reminded." How true... getting away from it all, just being me and enjoying the beauty, the peacefulness... all of my 'problems' seemed very small in comparison!
A mutual friend of H and mine seemed interested in me last night. I was very uncomfortable with it, and decided to just be straightforward. Asked if he was, and he said 'kinda' and 'you're cute'. I told him I was flattered but not ready for a R. In fact, I started to cry when he tried to put his arm around me... I know I'm not ready. I wish my H would come out of his fog and realize how great we could be together. But it's not my time line... I have to let go and let God. It's completely out of my control.
I spent time with my mom and dad today and got my sprinklers going with my BIL's help today. Woohoo! It's very empowering to learn new skills, like how a sprinkler system really works, and how to change a tire, etc. I'm going to be okay. And taking time for myself is really important like I did this weekend. Can't always get away for a weekend, but a walk in the forest or biking along a trail for a bit is what I need to do for myself and peace of mind. That's my goal for the week - do more of the same!
It sounds like your weekend was great! I had a very similar reaction to another man's interest. It doesn't seem to be flattering inside....just, I don't know what the word is but emotionally not a trustful feeling and you don't want to go there with another person.
Anyways, needed some advice this morning if you had a chance....Ive written on my page...but, also just wanted to say I can really relate to where you are at this weekend.
I, also was excited to read you are in Arkansas....I am in Louisiana......I have been trying to find some trails myself...but, now only have a week left before work begins and I don't think I will have time after...but, we will see. I have never been rafting! I think I would like to try that one day! Have a good day mnt_dreams!
hi orchid! I posted on your thread just now. You are strong and doing well! Just keep it up. After H leaves, you can let yourself fall apart and have a good cry. For now, keep working the DB techniques.
I agree about the reaction to another man's interest. Yes, it isn't flattering inside. Almost like I belong to someone else, even if they don't want me right now, and I can't do it. Reminds me of that movie with Reese Witherspoon, Sweet Home Alabama, when she says "I gave away my heart a long time ago. My whole heart. And I never really got it back". That's how I feel.
I am in Colorado, and we were on the Arkansas river - it probably ends up in AK somewhere along the line. But yes, I live and play in Colorado.
Louisiana has such a rich history and culture. I see you, Orchid, as a strong, southern woman. You are stronger than you know. Like Scarlett, who showed her strength in the Civil War, and became a woman that Rhett wanted again because she stood up on her own two feet and became very attractive b/c of her inner strength. You're doing great! And WE are all going to be okay! Better than OK! We're going to become women that only a fool would leave!!
You two are just so darn positive I can't help but feel inspired to pull some more of that into my life. Thanks! I have been looking around for things I'd really like to do for myself, I am really into those things too, but its something I have always done with H and before that with my family. But I love it and choose to keep at it.
It sounds like you had a great weekend and I am so glad for you! And I love that you keep using this line 'become a women that only a fool would leave!' I keep telling myself.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
And I love that you keep using this line 'become a women that only a fool would leave!' I keep telling myself.
It is rather inspiring, huh? 25mlc uses that phrase a lot and I think it's a wonderful mantra.
I went to my uncle's funeral today. He was a good man. My other uncle was there, and will pass away in the next couple months I suspect. His wife has stuck by him through things that I don't have time or energy to explain here right now... but we all thought she was crazy for standing by him. But she did it, and now he's dying and her unconditional love for him is truly an inspiration. She's modeled for her children that when the going gets tough, you just keep trying, stay faithful and patient. She has persevered and I can only hope to be that strong.
It was hard not to have my H with me. I intended to put on my ring again to avoid any ?s, but forgot. As it was, everyone was very nice and supportive. I think the older we get the more accepting and tolerant of tough choices we get. Everyone seems hopeful H will come around. I know I am and it was good to talk to some women that have held on. My cousin's wife was separated from her H for 18 mths. They are back together now and about to celebrate their 30th Anniversary.
Anything is possible! We just have to have faith in God and leave the results up to Him.
Went golfing tonight with a friend from work. He's been a great supporter and very pro-marriage. It's nice to talk to someone that supports giving the S time and not rushing along with a D.
The golf course was beautiful and just a light sprinkle at the end. I guess I completed my ST goal by getting out into the forest for a walk... maybe I can get another walk in before the week ends. It really helps to clear my head and not feel some wrapped up in my problems...
Nothing new from H. Would love a sign that somehow the space is helpful for our sitch, but know that's out of my control - just like everything else! Glad for a nice weekend and a good start to the week.
Glad to see that you had a fun trip and that no one flipped or swam!!! Also, congrats on playing golf and GAL. Keep up the good work and PMA and take it one day at a time!!!!!
What's in store for you next? Climbing a 14'er or fly fishing or something?
WAW here is "house-sitting" for a week. When she packed up yesterday it felt more like she was moving out. She couldn't get out fast enough and hardly said good bye to the kids. I have them for her work week and then she has them on her days off.
Time will tell what happens next.
Guess I need to re-read DR this week and keep applying the DB principals. Also, if you have some extra patients that you could send my way that would be great. Latley mine has been wearing thin.
Thx for the kudos! Being active really is helping my PMA. So, a 14'er... haven't done any except Pikes Peak so yes, that would be awesome. Fly fishing.. yes, that would be cool too. Great ideas - thanks!
I'm trying to get the tube in my stupid bike tire fixed... little things my H used to do that I took for granted. But I'll figure it out (I got the tread off and the tube's ready except I can't find the little Presta valve... but I'm working on it!). Hoping to go for a bike ride this weekend to clear my head. Being outdoors is really helping me feel better. Which in turn is helping me with the patience you mentioned...
So, are you two taking turns being in the house with the kids now? You're there during the week, and she stays there for the weekend? Not sure I'm following... But a thought about applying DB techniques during your exchanges... try not to be right by her when you do the exchange. Be busy, different room, or something b/c you want to act 'as if' you're getting on with life, and not just standing around waiting for her to notice you.
It sounds like you're an active guy, Tundra, but if you aren't getting outside b/c of your emotions or work or whatever, challenge yourself to do something for yourself this week. It will really help you to gain some perspective, and find answers, patience, understanding. Hang in there, because as you said, it is one day at a time!
