Went to TX for my S17's bball tourney. They played hard and we all had fun. I drove down with another teammate and his mom. Her H has been unfaithful several times, but they keep working at things. Seems God is putting people around me as examples of perseverance and unconditional love. Had interesting dreams and woke up one day just feeling this very calm sense that I'm doing the right thing by standing strong, staying committed and giving H the space and time to work on himself. Listened to the radio on the way back... songs like Hold on Loosely and lots of Van Morrison seemed to be sending me messages about how to handle things... I don't know, but it felt like a sign I'm doing the right thing.
Still no comm. from H. That's the hardest part. But I have to keep turning it back over to God. I will keep taking care of myself, things at home and with the kids. And if God leads H back to me, I'll be better, stronger, and ready. If he doesn't, then there is another plan. But at this point, and I keep praying about this, I don't feel like I'm supposed to move on. So, I wait.
It's mid-July and H hoped to move to the mountains in Aug/Sept. So there could be big changes coming. Will try to prepare myself for whatever may be coming... D papers, moving away, more talks, who knows!?!
Goals for the week:
exercise read, some for fun and some for growth work around the house and yard doing something fun for me, maybe a pedicure or highlights
Dad fell and broke his hip. I had no idea how painful that injury can be, and he has Parkinsons on top of it so he can't help but move his legs around (ouch!). He's at the hospital and I'm with my mom overnight. Can't sleep. Sent a text to H to let him know. No response. Pulled up my FB and mutual friend has rafting photos with him, friends and H from today. Seems he's getting along just fine without the ol' ball and chain.
I can't quite imagine what kind of person would get a text about his current FIL and not respond. But maybe he hasn't seen it or doesn't know what to say. Ugh. Oh well... I thought it was the right thing to do to tell him about the situation. My parents have always been kind to H and vice versa.
It seems to be raining troubles on me or the people around me right now... Two uncles gone. Now Dad is going to need surgery and a long recovery. Mom failing. Kids great. I'm surviving. Praying for some peace and strength to face what ever else comes my way. But this is tough stuff... I just wish I had my H here to hug me and tell me everything will be all right. Oh well..! Sure I'll be more optimistic tmrw. Just making note of the feelings.
Hey mnt, sorry to hear about your dad and the tough time you are having. I think you did the right thing in texting H to let him know. I think I would have done the same. Even if you didn't get a response you know you did the right thing. Im also glad to hear that your kids are doing great and that you enjoyed the trip.
Its interesting how it works and how God surrounds us with people, examples or situations that feel they are meant to help us or remind us of things. I have found myself looking to signs like this and finding peace as well. It helps me to know I am doing the right thing. I don't know if dreams can work in here too, but I found a similar sense of calmness Saturday afternoon after some dreams I kept having that seemed to bring positivity.
Hope the rest of your week goes ok, will keep you in my thoughts.
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
The surgery went well today for a hip replacement, but Dad started having heartbeat and breathing problems and is now in ICU. Had to go over the living will stuff with my sisters and their husbands tonight, and with my mom. Can I take just a moment for a pity party and say that it totally sucks that my H wasn't a part of the discussion and hasn't responded to my text or email. Probably not checking his stuff, but really, I can't believe what I've had to deal with lately. Two funerals and now my dad in ICU with a questionable prognosis. Sucks.
Any who... I need to get back to my mom's optimism. At least they had 57 years together, and he fell near family and we're around to help out. She always looks on the bright side, and I need to as well. I learned it from her.
Yes, Tundra, I need to follow up on my goals for the week. Thanks for the reminder... I am at my parents' place tonight but I have to take care of myself. I appreciate the reminder.
Dad's still in ICU. Having a very hard time waking up from the anesthesia and now it looks like he may have suffered a stroke or heart damage/attack. Lots of tests being run and the nurses seem hopeful. The family is gathered together and my B comes in from PA today.
H responded to the text and said he was sorry to hear about my dad and hoped he'd be better soon. So, that was nice. My FIL called as well. Lots of support from friends.
It's incredibly hard to go through this while separated from my H. I wish he was with me, but the fact is he can't be right now. He's emotionally unavailable and so I can either lay down and give up, or stay strong and keep carrying on. I choose to be strong. My kids need me and need my strength. They deserve nothing less. It's all in God's hands and he will give me the strength and guidance I need to make good decisions.
No change with my dad. Feeling emotionally drained and am so tired. I also u/s my H is looking hard for mountain jobs/apartments. He seems very set on moving away which means filing for the D is forthcoming. Logically I get that I'm only backsliding b/c of everything going on right now, but this is emotionally VERY difficult.
Hang in there mnt_dreams...it DOES get better...I promise! Sorry about your dad. I understand that some days are better than others. Stay as active as you can, even under your present circumstances...I know it'll help.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
You're right, I need to stay active. I really need to just run... put on my headphones and get out of my head for awhile. I think I'll go in the AM. Great thought - I appreciate it!
