Saffie, missed you too. I haven't been posting on FTIO because I feel like I am being watched and graded there by MrsGGB. By her history, it looks like she checks in there once every couple weeks and just looks at my posts. Won't really talk about it, but holds me in contempt for anything I mention there. So it is no longer my sanity sounding board, instead it is a one-way line to her with no chance to explain my thoughts from several days before. No good for trying to figure out my own chit, KWIM?
Why get depressed about something that seems very non scientific????????
At least 1/3 of women are 'up' for it.
Also there is a time and a place for everything.
Yes, but two-thirds aren't and for some, like my wife, there is never a time and/or a place. Period.
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
So very selfish of the spouse in this case. How can you decide that your partners needs and pain are not real and important. Even if you are not feeling up to it, this is the one you married - that on many occasions you should tend to their needs even if you don't feel it.
First, it is not clear (to me, at least) which of us you see as being selfish...me for wanting to be sexually intimate or her for refusing.
In the context of the survey, which I've had a chance to look at in more detail, it seems that the one thing that no one told me, at least, was that what women really want is a nice secure situation where they can have the trappings of a marriage without actually having the intimacy of the marriage. A form of "trophy marriage." As a young man, I certainly was never told and never imagined that the "reason" women wanted marriage was so that they could intentionally not have sex.
I know how this sounds...note the statistics seem to back this up as a plausible explanation.
The Captain
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
So very selfish of the spouse in this case. How can you decide that your partners needs and pain are not real and important. Even if you are not feeling up to it, this is the one you married - that on many occasions you should tend to their needs even if you don't feel it.
First, it is not clear (to me, at least) which of us you see as being selfish...me for wanting to be sexually intimate or her for refusing.
In the context of the survey, which I've had a chance to look at in more detail, it seems that the one thing that no one told me, at least, was that what women really want is a nice secure situation where they can have the trappings of a marriage without actually having the intimacy of the marriage. A form of "trophy marriage." As a young man, I certainly was never told and never imagined that the "reason" women wanted marriage was so that they could intentionally not have sex.
I know how this sounds...note the statistics seem to back this up as a plausible explanation.
The Captain
Captain,
Are you saying many women know they want to cuckhold a stable and secure male so they can go do what they want?
I think the one that is preventing the sex is the selfish one. Its the same as if your wife had a deep lower back pain and a 10 minute massage from you will let her feel alot better, and you understand her pain but you explain to her that you don't feel like it. Thats selfish.
Are you saying many women know they want to cuckhold a stable and secure male so they can go do what they want?
In a word: yes.
At the moment it certainly seems so not only at a personal level and through my own experience(s), but also seems reinforced by surveys as referenced above.
To some extent we are all trained to think this way: 'if only I find the "right person," I'll get what I want and/or need.'
My own experience with my first wife was that once she had me married to her, bought the house to fulfill the trappings of the steps that married people take towrds starting a family, and then once she had our son (in wedlock with my surname) she was done with me.
She no longer needed and wanted me and sought to discard me. I was reminded of that this past weekend when I was at the beach where I realized that my sexlife with her was taking a rather bizarre turn.
My current wife, as I've outlined before, got nailed by a coworker that she was criticizing when her coworker pointed out the obvious...that my wife used sex "to get a husband." Unless my wife has shared our sexual situation with this woman coworker(and I certainly have not) then the observation from outside is just that simple.
My wife gets what she wants. A chauffeur, a helper/gofer, and someone who tolerates her QVC/HSN shopping affliction (it is her money), and a reasonably good handyman that can decorate the house the way she wants it. She has recently gotten concerned by my overt and explicit unwillingness to voice any opinion on anything (why would anything I think or want matter?) But it has not changed her basic operation.
But she is not alone...when nearly 2/3rds of the married women would rather do anything except by sexual with their husbands we, as a whole are either much lousier lovers than we collectively think we are, or these married women have what they want and sex is used to keep it from all flying apart.
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
Are you saying many women know they want to cuckhold a stable and secure male so they can go do what they want?
In a word: yes.
At the moment it certainly seems so not only at a personal level and through my own experience(s), but also seems reinforced by surveys as referenced above.
To some extent we are all trained to think this way: 'if only I find the "right person," I'll get what I want and/or need.'
My own experience with my first wife was that once she had me married to her, bought the house to fulfill the trappings of the steps that married people take towrds starting a family, and then once she had our son (in wedlock with my surname) she was done with me.
She no longer needed and wanted me and sought to discard me. I was reminded of that this past weekend when I was at the beach where I realized that my sexlife with her was taking a rather bizarre turn.
How where you reminded that your sexlife took a bizarre turn? One of my co-workers jokes "You didn't lose your wife, you just lost your turn...". Its sad to realize this may be true.
Originally Posted By: TeaEarlGrayHot
My current wife, as I've outlined before, got nailed by a coworker that she was criticizing when her coworker pointed out the obvious...that my wife used sex "to get a husband." Unless my wife has shared our sexual situation with this woman coworker(and I certainly have not) then the observation from outside is just that simple.
So your wife was banged by a male co-worker and the female co-worker was also aware of it? Its funny to think about when the general populous thinks that when a husband is being cheated on that maybe he isn't hitting it right...
Originally Posted By: TeaEarlGreyHot
My wife gets what she wants. A chauffeur, a helper/gofer, and someone who tolerates her QVC/HSN shopping affliction (it is her money), and a reasonably good handyman that can decorate the house the way she wants it. She has recently gotten concerned by my overt and explicit unwillingness to voice any opinion on anything (why would anything I think or want matter?) But it has not changed her basic operation.
I guess if we have an opinion they can divorce us. So we should go into marriage knowing we are a "prop" in their life, and if we feel that our "payment" is too low in affection, loving or whatever it may be we should bail? I'm getting really confused on how to look at marriage now. I thought it was "ours", but I understand where you are coming from.
Originally Posted By: TeaEarlGreyHot
But she is not alone...when nearly 2/3rds of the married women would rather do anything except by sexual with their husbands we, as a whole are either much lousier lovers than we collectively think we are, or these married women have what they want and sex is used to keep it from all flying apart.
Maybe we are lousier lovers than we imagined... I'm not so sure about this. I can tell you one thing though, the married male is not going to have a better phisod for single life than the single male. So the single male will be able to have more of that "all that glitters is not gold" appeal, because thats what his livelihood depends upon.
Its really blowing my mind now to imagine how much our wives elevate these single males outside the relationship, whose sole purpose was to get laid. Many of them are thinking married wives are easier lays these days, as in the biggest sluts. How do we counter this?
How depressing to think of it this way. The marriage belongs to the wife and a husband is simply a prop in the situation. Are we supposed to look at it as a job?
DLS, "nailed" in this case means skewered in a more conversational way, by the female co-worker who accused the wife of using men sexually.
Captain, bluntly: If your wife has no interest in you, but keeps you around because you're a chauffeur/gofer/helper/prop, that sucks in my opinion. On the other hand, if you've sussed all this out and decided to be her chauffer/gofer/helper/prop, it's obviously not going to change. She's willing to be married to a guy she thinks is not good enough to be her lover, and you're willing to be married to a woman who thinks you're not good enough to be her lover. Since you agree on this point, nobody is going to do anything about it.
Unless some part of that analysis isn't actually true. For instance, maybe your wife, like you, would rather have you as a lover and a full husband, but doesn't know how to get there from here. Or maybe you'll get fed up eventually and show her that you don't accept the situation.
