I haven't been around for awhile. Things have been pretty much constant. Nothing to report and my emotions are pretty smooth.
This has been a rollercoaster year for me starting last summer with the crash and burn of the "perfect" marriage.
By this Spring, I had arrived at the place where I was content with letting it all go. I am finally detached and content with the separate lives we are leading in our relationship. I am just moving on with doing my own thing and being there for the kids with the intent that in about 3 years when they're out of high school I will take off on my own. Makes it difficult for a "planner and organizer" like me because I feel like I can't even plant a tree or refinance because it would be pointless. But, perhaps that is one of my lessons in this. To just "go with the flow".
In the past few weeks hubby seems to be changing. He's thoughtful, considerate, and nice to me. Still no hand holding or cuddling, but a couple of times has seemed really close to it. Definitely no verbal affirmations of any feelings (positive or negative), but I haven't had that for 15 years, so...
My point is...I'm not sure where this is going. Last summer I had a course and it was derailed. This Spring I set a new course and now it looks like it might divert.
Can I live the next 40 years with no physical affection or intimacy? Will that intimacy ever return? I don't think we'll ever be the kind of couple that truly communicates and now that I realize that...is that enough?
I don't think he's so into his "friend" anymore. He doesn't mention her and I'm not taking any action such as checking phone bills to follow-up on that. I just got to a point where I truly didn't care.
If there's anybody out there that wants to talk about what they're going through, I'm here. I'm not sure I'm the best DB'r from a traditional sense though because I've pretty much given up on the marriage. But in giving up, my relationship has actually improved on what it has been.
Married - 19 years Noticed Problem - Aug 2008 THE Conversation - Oct 2008
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
Things have a way of working themselves out sometimes.
At those points in time, we tend to sit back and realize that we are not in control of anything, but part of a plan for us that we are not included in.
When we let go, things do tend to change.
That is when WE must decide what we can or cannot live with or without.
This is your path darlin....and YOU are walking it proud....
