Funny that I can get a response out of someone vehemently opposed to me[/b] (the "friend") and not my wife. How does doing what I'm doing affect the relationship between the "friend" and I, but not my W. Do I wait until it percolates down into my W's subconscious?
And what caused the reply? A funny DVD given out of the blue because it was funny. Didn't cost a dime.
Please try to explain this to me because I'm at a loss as to why I shouldn't continue with this approach. Which is working. Targeting is a bit off - but it's working.
Let's start here...
You should know what I am going to say before I say it by now - And you know I am not going to hold back -
The response you got wasn't from the person you wanted it to be from...
Who gives a flip what the F thinks?
Now it looks like you are trying to get your W back by going through the F and we both know that isn't going to work...
Your W has to want to come back on her own with no influence from you...
It has to be her choice and by going through the friend you seem to be cutting that choice out of the picture...
Basically it looks like this....
Everything you have done up to this point hasn't been really working to bring W home so now you seem to want to switch tactics and become buddies with the F in the hopes that it "percolates down into my W's subconscious".
The answer to this is no...
You know it and I know it and I am sure others will tell you the same thing - No...
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
So now where do I stand?
You stand for yourself my friend...For your beliefs, your values, what you want for you...If she comes along on your journey then I will be the first to applaud however the stand is for you, the 180's are for you, the GAL is for you...Do you see the key word in all that? YOU
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Try to out-stubborn my W?
This isn't a game of who is more stubborn then the other...This is your life - You only have one shot at it and you have to do it right the first time - No do-overs in this game...No losers in this game...Even if she doesn't come back you are still a winner because you have improved you...You have become a better Mac for you - See that word again - YOU
Originally Posted By: mac-ct
Is the no contact a rule written in stone? So we both sit on our a$$'s waiting for the other to actually do something. Waiting.
Sucks my friend however you should know by now not to be sitting on your behind waiting for anything...
"Trust the Lord with all your heart. Stop doubting, believe & totally trust the Lord with your life and marriage. He will not fail you"
Someone sent me this a couple of days ago Stop doubting - Start believing...
P.S. I saw a cardinal this morning
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
She's contacted you, even if its about interest rates... she may not have responded to any other stuff you're doing right now, but I bet she is noticing.
And yeh I agree F is probably tired of you not rising to the bait, and since its not working maybe she will stop. but either way this stuff is btw you and W, i wouldnt go thru F.
I think the longish post above by S has some great points. Hang in there! ((Hugs))
Me-27 H-28 M-2.5 yrs T-8.5 yrs No kids B 1/09 S 2/09
Not that I much experience yet, but I know the first time my H left back in June, I tried going to the best friend he went to stay with, to get answers and to "get him to find out what was wrong etc etc, talk sense into him" all that pathetic chasting stuff. Biggest mistake I ever made.
I know you haven't consciously or deliberately gone through the friend but it won't make a difference to your W.
Stand strong Mac and keep going with making Mac the most amazing guy on earth. The Mac that your W can't stay away from.
I know what's going on (I think). She's hurting! The "friend" went home with DVD - now W is "on her own" or growing even further apart from "normalcy". Even "friend" said thank you for something!!!!!
This is spite. Pure and simple. A weak kick in the nuts for what she thinks is my weak point "finances". Not going to reply. W can soak on it.
Plus point - just realized - not had summons from the court re: maintenance. The court lady said she would have to send summons out a LONG time ago for first date - 17th (Monday). I hope W has decided not to do anything. Far to late to respond.
Ladies (and gents). I see a thawing in the air - a kick that wasn't there. A response!
Now what the heck do I do?
And don't just say "wait". Someone must have gone through this stage. I'd like to know how this looks to them.
Serenity - thanks for the comments. Just keep doing what I'm doing. Don't respond to string pulling. Get on with "it"
I can't help feeling great that W sent something. As hopeful (another great name) said "She's contacted you, even if its about interest rates... she may not have responded to any other stuff you're doing right now, but I bet she is noticing."
YAY!
And don't worry people - I'm not using "friend" for anything. I did for the "twosome" what I would do for anyone. Nothing special. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just something I thought would be nice. And certainly not to make her my friend to get to my W.
Its just given me a thought though (and a chuckle - shouldn't I know but..) - "friend" looking forward to watching and having a good laugh. Goes home to W. Tells her my text messaging seems to be working. Sits down to watch. W now in a grump. H not contacted her but replied to "friend". What a so-and-so my H is. Leaving me out and ignoring me. So much for enjoying a good laugh. Bit of a downer eh?
Oh - the W would have got the cable and note at the same time. Maybe the "business" Mac hit her a bit.
Oy. This doing things from a distance - actually nothing from a distance - and seeing results is so weird. But I'm carry on regardless. Just damn confusing how things just seem to happen.
Problem is brain is spinning a bit about the text message.....
My wonderful W in the text said again
"...Going to safe on the monthly bond off the house as well".
I was totally confused about the "as well" bit until I remembered that the W said a long time ago that I'd told her "I couldn't afford her".
That's what she thought (bad word) I'd said. Never did. Never would.
But that "thought" must have hurt her so much. The one person she could depend on saying "can't afford you".
There simply has to be a way of telling her that this was not the case. Never was and never will be.
Looks like this is the LAST shot in my direction. Shows she has been thinking about things.
Guys - my W is the most wonderful, caring person you are ever likely to meet. But she's a little immature or guileless (she married me). I don't mean that in the way it comes over. Can't think of the right word. She sometimes struggles with concepts. I can see the wheels turning over slowly. She does get there but it's a struggle. You know what I'm trying to say? One of the reasons I love her so much.
So - you're going to say again - over-thinking things. Not. Finished thinking.
Need some doing. WHAT? And don't say - work on yourself - doing that already.
Stop doubting - Start believing...