Ah, @Coach, the drummer in you can n'ere be contained. I know the feeling; I was infected by Dr. Slingerland at a young age myself -- though it has been a long, long time indeed since a pair of Number 5 nylon tips inhabited the spaces between fingers and thumb.
But when it comes to the doors of perception, for me the chart that continually wafts within the interstices of darkness and dawn, of consciousness and beyond, is "Waiting for the Sun"...
Waiting for you to hear my song, Waiting for you to come along, Waiting for you to tell me what went wrong. This is the strangest life I've ever known
Hey Hoodoo man... do me a favor... this is kind of personal and a bit crazy, but come over to my sitch. Silverado had a thought about my H. I KNOW you'd have an idea for an approach. Mine needs polish! I can think of 1000 jokes about the topic, but not a decent thought!
Last edited by mindblank; 08/25/0903:54 AM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
An interesting and important interlude with WAW this morning. She had Themselves yesterday and took them to the water park for an end-of-summer adventure day and brought them back today, arriving just as I was cooking up a little somethin'-somethin' for my breakfast. She was doing the usual avoidance thing when, on the spur of the moment, I asked if she wanted any coffee - an offer she jumped at. So there we were, in almost exactly the same places we occupied on D-Day, having a casual conversation Like Normal People Do. I offered her some food - declined - and munched away as she talked and talked about hrr triathlon and a good opportunity she's had at work, and I did a little cheerleading and complimented her on her triathletic accomplishment - a real GAL for her - and you could just see that she was wanting to say or hear something, but I was Joe Mojo and just kept on truckin'.
So she left after half an hour or so, presumably happy, and in the aftermath it occurred to me - I hadn't felt anything other than an ethereal sense of comfort. No sadness, no regret; neither attraction nor hope nor despair. Just calm. Presence. I was "present" - there was no future; I was already dead.
And it was good, because I showed myself through action - through deliberate choice - what I've been suspecting these past couple weeks. I'm ready. Ready for any possibility. It's not all about saving my marriage or even mostly about it. I could be moving towards a new relationship with WAW - as yet undefined - and indeed towards a relationship with Foreign Female Friend, as yet undefined, or towards something else entirely (or indeed towards nothing at all).
The Hoodoo Girl did not, in fact, put the hoodoo on me, man. I may well have DB'd myself out of a marriage - or the potential for a marriage - or not. It's unclear to me at the moment just what the trajectory's been.
What is clear is that I've DB'd myself back to Who I Once Was and, more importantly, to He Who I Like Being. And that, my friends, is straight-up Mojolicious.
Because I know The One Thing - I am, in fact, happy. Just where I am.
"applauds" I've been watching from afar and waiting. You've done so much learning about who you are supposed to be. I am glad you are happy. Happy is such a great place to be! Thanks for friending me in the alt. I hope to hear from you soon.
Shawna
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
Thanks, Shawna. It was back-to-school day today (yay!) and WAW and I both accompanied Themselves to their new classrooms. Those who are aware of our "situation" had That Look in their eyes. I worried a bit, as I cross-posted over at aliveandkicking's place, that they would take my cordial accompaniment as approval of WAW's decisions and evaluations, but then I channeled my inner @Gypsy and realized I can't control what People think.
WAW herself is behaving very oddly. 3 texts today -- totally unnecessary -- including one checking in on if/how I survived my latest encounter with the GAL From H*ll -- the marathon. 14 miles today, and sports fans t'weren't purty. I need 20 under my belt by mid-September, so I can taper down before the October 11 run date. Assuming I complete it, I will be 46 years, 302 days old on the day -- sure'n'begorrah that's too old to be running your first marathon, thinks I.
And then she called -- called! if you can believe it -- and when I picked up the phone she "hi'd" with the chipperest of chipper "hi's" you're ever heard chipperly hi'd.
Frankly it's kind of p*ssing me off. I mean, I know I'm supposed to be pleased that El Fogo is lifting and she's coming 'round to her senses and all that other DB stuff, but I'm not handling the Big A all that well I guess. I'm dammed if I'm content with the idea of being her Fallback Guy. So Signore crapped out -- big surprise -- and now I'm just supposed to sit here and think, "Well, gosh, WAW -- he gave you the best sex of your life, so you said, and now that he's gone out of the picture I'd sure be awful grateful if I could maybe kinda sorta have a shot at disappointing you in the boo-doir again."
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As you can see, I'm moving into a new Anger Phase.
As you can see, I'm moving into a new Anger Phase.
I got a little of that tonight too. Seems to be going around.
Quote:
14 miles today, and sports fans t'weren't purty. I need 20 under my belt by mid-September, so I can taper down before the October 11 run date.
Don't freak if you don't get in a 20 before the race. I did my first, and only, marathon in 2003. The longest run I had before the marathon was an 18 miler. Unless you are going for a new land speed record, if you can do 18, you can do 26.
You are not supposed to be pleased, you are supposed to be on top of your game and following the same advice you'd give me
'Zackly. Which is why I mojo'd her right into a phone call with Themselves, stopping her in mid-sentence with, "Well, guess you want to see how the first day went; hang on, I'll get 'em."
As you know, it's not the being intrigued that's oh-so-irritating. Per the DB Rulebook, that's a goal. It's the being intrigued now, after her Master Plan didn't come off as planned.
Friend sent me a YouTube of some MWD competitor (I have to assume) with some thoughts on the Ten Kabillion Dollar Question -- "do I still want to be married to this person"?
I've said it before -- I honestly don't know. A lot happened with Foreign Female Friend, and even though I'm working hard at keeping myself out of a Fog of my own creation, there was an awareness there of the breadth and depth of my own self-subordination to the M over the years.
Could use some input from Mr. @Puppy Dog Tails, to be honest, on this whole idea of being made out to be FallBack Guy when OM fails to live up to the advertising.
Anyway, I'll post on Foreign Female Friend and my 6,000-mile self-assessment later. Right now, I've got to get D Herself cleaned and jammied, because I can barely keep an eye open.
