How do you continue to DB when your EW is in a different state with her boyfriend? Being super considerate lead to a cheeseless tunnel. going dark was a cheesless tunnel. I'm at a lost. any input would be great.
Welcome to this section, if welcome's the right word. Sorry I've not read all your thread so I apoligise if some of the detail is wrong.
You're d now I think the best thing to do might be to regroup, concentrate on you and your kids (who do they live with btw) and work hard on gal and develop a pma. Easy to write but not so easy to do.
Then take a long, hard look at the marriage for what it actually was and not what you wanted it to be. Decide whether you want it back and if you do what would you have to change for your w to warm to the idea of reconciliation.
well i am making a list of all the things my W ( and yes I still think of her as that) would want to see if she came home, or even moved back to the state. it fills the lonely times. my friends and family have been awesome through out this process. even with the GAL and PMA there are still times though were I feel very mortal, and don't want to be alone. thats what M is i guess in my eyes. someone to come home do and talk about the things you are proud of, and relate to when it gets hard. I don't have that right now and i'm just trying to make that ok.
How much actual contact to do you have with you W? You can only work with the time you have, the rest you have to GAL and develop a PMA do not let yourself fall into a self pitying hole that's so not attractive
the rest you have to GAL and develop a PMA do not let yourself fall into a self pitying hole that's so not attractive
Fully agreed, I spent waaaayyy too much time that way, and not only is it unattractive, it's very self destructive.
Also agreed, you can no longer dwell on what was, it's exactly that, was. You have to look at now, as much of a mess as it may be and find the positives, if you don't, the mess will only get worse, trust me.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
i have no contact. she wants none. i AM actually looking at seeing were i should be IF she ever came back....or if she does not and if someone else were to enter.
been a while but i felt like typing tonight. i realize my love for my ex is gone. i feel very strong for her welfare , but i would not call it love...just a strong since of loss. And thats the hardest part. the simple fact I will never see the woman i chose to marry again, and there is nothing i can do about it. And its not like a death were i can morn. if i talk about her to my friends and how i miss the person she was i get the " how can you miss her she divorced you and cheated on you>" well heres the scoop. i didn't marry lightly. i like her for her. and i miss her greatly still some nights. just typing i guess, but today i saw a friend of hers who talked to her recently and told me how shes doing great. hell I'm doing great to...i just miss her. the holes getting smaller...but its still a hole.
there you are Marcum! to begin with, believe you will be OK, that you will be whole and healthy for YOU, and if *she* is lucky and comes back then you will decide what you want to do. but for now you must heal and not wait on her, healing takes a long time, so dont' despair, when the pain comes recognize it and then remember that it too shall pass, that you will be alright, take care.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Not sure if you will remember me but I spent a lot of time on this site a couple of years back. One day I may update my story however this is about you. For your own sake you may need to start to close that emotional door thats connecting you with your Ex . As others have said , if your paths cross again then who knows but for now its time to give 100% to you .
