I had a good weekend. My niece got married on Saturday and Sunday K and I just hung out after tumbling class and played.
However, I'm not sure what is going on with me, right now. Today I am actually feeling sad, again. I haven't felt sad like this in quite a while and I feel like I am mourning my divorce, again. I cried this morning and couldn't stop thinking about my marriage, my family and my husband - what I used to have. I have no idea why it came on like this. Could it be that exH's birthday is Friday? Or, because we are coming up on the two year mark of our separation? Or it's just Monday? I have no idea. But, I don't like it...not one bit.
I feel better, now, than I did earlier. I just hate that I still have days like this. Few and far between...but, nonetheless, still there.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
you know B, those days may come and go (fewer and farther as time goes past) for a long long time. It would only make sense to me that they would. If a parent or child dies, you would probably mourn for them forever. I would think getting a D, is somewhat similar to losing a loved one. because you DO lose a loved one. so don't beat yourself up for it, allow yourself to have the emotion and then get back on track. do what you need to do to pull out of it, take a break, take a vaca, whatever.
it's okay. it's not fun to go thru these times, but you know it won't last, and it will pass just like it did before. it will get easier and easier.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
You are living in his upside down world. Read "Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You" by Patricia Evans.
He sets a pattern and you let him live it. Shut. It. Down.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
hope you are well B, think of positive things today!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
It is just hitting him that one day his baby girl will have a stepdaddy. If it happens when she is still very young... you know how she's taken to OW? She'll be talking about her stepdad nonstop on the days your X has her. He's not going to like it one bit.
Hello all....I'm still alive AND kicking. Been busy lately NOT dwelling on the sitch. What's been going on????Well, let's see....
K is thriving and getting huge. She's a ton of fun and I have been doing everything and anything with her. ExH calls, now, usually once a week. It starts out as "how's my daughter" and ends up with something sexual....ALWAYS. I just blow him off. Can't say he's not persistent. Took K to the pumpkin patch, dinner outings, playdates, beach, bbq's, birthday parties....lots of fun...busy, busy, busy.
Ow still posts CRAP...usually some snide remark or pictures of my daughter with the caption "my family", "love this little girl", "my step daughter"...all part of her phoney world. I don't, however, like the fact that she has "bath" pictures of MY daughter on the internet....isn't that illegal somehow???? And, occassionally she will slip up and say something not so complimentary about K. Like "aww, she used to be so sweet and innocent back then". What does that mean? She's 1 year old...she is STILL sweet and innocent. Sorry, I just hate the b!tch.
Funny though...she took off out of state for 3 days and left "their" baby with her sister. The baby was NOT left in the care of my ExH....to me, that speaks volumes about her trust in his parenting skills. Doesn't sit well with me to know my daughter is with him every other weekend.
ExH is also making snide remarks about me at drop off. He always has something he feels he needs to put me down about....like: if K lived with him, she would be speaking full sentences by now and be potty trained in a week. Like he has this need to put down MY parenting skills. But, I know that it is his way of dealing with his insecurities. That is what he does...he tries to hurt or put other people down in an attempt to make himself feel or appear better.
Doesn't even phase me anymore. I usually cut the visit short when he drops her off and if he starts texting his gf, I just say "gotta go, see you later" and we leave. I don't need that BS in my life.
So, for now, I am just trying to keep whatever feelings I still have for him, at bay. I don't want to feel ANYTHING for him, anymore...not hatred, not love, NOTHING. I just want to be numb when it comes to him. I know that sounds sad...but, he has pushed me sooo far away that I don't think it will ever be possible to fix what he broke.
His Loss....I'm a great woman, great ex-wife and wonderful mother. Too bad he doesn't get to be part of my life.
Love to you all. I'll be back around. My home computer is going to be replaced in a couple weeks and then I can check in more.
xoxoxox
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
[quote]But, I know that it is his way of dealing with his insecurities.[quote]
wonderfully said.
glad to see you! and I popped in just at the right time too!
you sound good, keep your focus off of him, and it will keep getting better.
so glad you don't let his comments offend you. You know your totally capable and smart and do the best anyone could do.
have a great halloween weekend! what is K going to be??
I need to check pics, I haven't done that in a long time. def put up halloween pics of her!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Sounds like the same old thing with your exh but you are getting so much better. Must make him so mad!
Have a fun Halloween!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
