Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

When someone gets really centered spiritually, getting themselves in a higher place in which they are in touch with God or Spirit, and feeling His presence and self confidence in their choices to rid their lives of toxins, others want "in"...they envy your peace and they want a piece of it (or you). It's very attractive although clearly is not the reason for getting there.

What a great post 25, especially this part! Thanks.

I agree! Great post all around and I did read it a few times. I really like the above part and its so true. I notice it with others.

I really try and hide my emotional side to my older kids, but I am sure they can read some of my sadness/lonliness. Life has changed for me alot as they know it in the past few years...some due to exh, some not. They do see me home alot more than I used to be and not with anyone. But I also do want to show them I don't need to be out hunting for a man either. They asked me awhile back why I am not dating. Well, besides the fact that nobody is interested (and I didn't tell them that), I have baby 24/7 and I am not going to drag men in and out of her life like some other mothers we know. If/when I date again I will not make the same mistakes I did before. I am hoping they look at that as something honorable rather than with pity.

I do keep a very detailed and unemotional journal regarding exh. My attorney told me to do that from the beginning. It has visit days, how long he comes and if he comes. Also no shows, no contact at all, child support and some other things I may observe...such as him stating he is going hunting rather than see baby. I guard that book with my life as I am hoping my entries will be useful for when/if he takes me back for unsupervised time.

My goal this week is to keep working on my yard. When we were flooding a few weeks ago it was fine..now that the sun is shining its a mess and I like having a nice yard. Little at a time. We also have music class tomorrow if baby is feeling better and one more wrestling match for my son.

Kids and I were also talking about baby's upcoming 2nd birthday in March and what we wanted to do. I really want to not have the huge bday party and go to Disneyland. Kids want to go too. Something to start planning now.

Ok, D20 is waking up. Going to have breakfast with her and she is heading back to school...going to miss her. I hate saying goodbye. I love her so much.

[bright_new_day]

Kids and I were also talking about baby's upcoming 2nd birthday in March and what we wanted to do. I really want to not have the huge bday party and go to Disneyland. Kids want to go too. Something to start planning now.

I thnk you need to prepare yourself for X wanting in on your b-day plans for baby. This would be a good time to set a boundary. If you don't want him to join you then say so! Say "X we are not a family anymore. I am celebrating baby's b-day with MY family. You can celebrate with her during your scheduled time."

[Startingover2]

Kids and I were also talking about baby's upcoming 2nd birthday in March and what we wanted to do. I really want to not have the huge bday party and go to Disneyland. Kids want to go too. Something to start planning now.

I thnk you need to prepare yourself for X wanting in on your b-day plans for baby. This would be a good time to set a boundary. If you don't want him to join you then say so! Say "X we are not a family anymore. I am celebrating baby's b-day with MY family. You can celebrate with her during your scheduled time."

He already does want to go with us. I had mentioned Dland before as a maybe thing when he asked. He said let him know how much $ he will need. I think he thought we would share a room that I end up paying for. He couldn't afford it anyway..not a room for 2 nights plus tickets and everything else. I will tell him he can have his own little party here during his time.

He called a bit ago but I ignored the call. I am sure it was to see if he could come by early today instead of his regular time.

[bright_new_day]

Whether or not he can afford it is irrelevant. If you don't want him to go then you need to say so. Set the boundary. Yes it is nice for children to have a 2 parent family, but you are not in a relationship with him, and you are not a family in any functional sense! If you continue to play family with him then the crazyness will continue! Cut the cord!!!!!

[blindsided1]

Hi honey. Miss you. I will try to catch up on your thread. Only have a few minutes right now. Let me know if you come to town. You might want to consider Knott's Berry Farm too. It's much less expensive as Disneyland.

Love you.

[Startingover2]

Whether or not he can afford it is irrelevant. If you don't want him to go then you need to say so. Set the boundary. Yes it is nice for children to have a 2 parent family, but you are not in a relationship with him, and you are not a family in any functional sense! If you continue to play family with him then the crazyness will continue! Cut the cord!!!!!

Very true. I don't want him to go.

Hi honey. Miss you. I will try to catch up on your thread. Only have a few minutes right now. Let me know if you come to town. You might want to consider Knott's Berry Farm too. It's much less expensive as Disneyland.

Love you.

So glad to hear from you! I just posted on your new thread. I will text you soon and get some ideas for hotels etc.

[Startingover2]

My journal entry for today:

No Show. Visit time is 3-6 P.M. at 4:30 p.m. exh texts "Give baby a kiss for me!" No explanation of why he isn't coming for visitiaton.

[Startingover2]

Tonight something strange happened but I really think its for a reason. Maybe God wants me to realize my life isn't really that bad compared to some.

Way back when about 15ish years ago my first exh and I were friends with this other couple and their kids. She had 4 kids about the same ages as mine. We were very close friends. Vacationed together, dinners, hung out alot. She was even there when my son was born. But we both ended up going thru divorces about the same time and she moved out of the immediate area and we sort of lost touch. Sadly, her son21 died this past summer of a drug overdose. I heard thru the grapevine that they were trying to get him help but it was too late. So, tonight I was on FB and she sent me a message out of the blue wanting to know if baby and I wanted to have dinner with her and her son from her second marriage on Friday night. He is now 9 or so.

I thought it was random but nice. She is going to come over and we are going to order out so it will be easier with baby and we can talk. Last 4th of July she lost her son, and for whatever reason she is reaching out to me. We haven't talked in probably 3 years. Looking forward to seeing her, but not sure what to say. My life compared to hers is a cakewalk. I cannot imagine what she is going through.

[25yearsmlc]

Tonight something strange happened but I really think its for a reason. Maybe God wants me to realize my life isn't really that bad compared to some.

Way back when about 15ish years ago my first exh and I were friends with this other couple and their kids. She had 4 kids about the same ages as mine. We were very close friends. Vacationed together, dinners, hung out alot. She was even there when my son was born. But we both ended up going thru divorces about the same time and she moved out of the immediate area and we sort of lost touch. Sadly, her son21 died this past summer of a drug overdose. I heard thru the grapevine that they were trying to get him help but it was too late. So, tonight I was on FB and she sent me a message out of the blue wanting to know if baby and I wanted to have dinner with her and her son from her second marriage on Friday night. He is now 9 or so.

I thought it was random but nice. She is going to come over and we are going to order out so it will be easier with baby and we can talk. Last 4th of July she lost her son, and for whatever reason she is reaching out to me. We haven't talked in probably 3 years. Looking forward to seeing her, but not sure what to say. My life compared to hers is a cakewalk. I cannot imagine what she is going through.

Be a friend. Listen to her. "Meet" her son. Show kindness, and concern. Reminisce, enjoy the time. This IS an opportunity for you. We all need wake up calls now and then. I too had a friend lose her son (&only child) and it does punch you in the gut to know it could happen to any of us. AND we are so lucky it has not hit us. Be grateful, and comfortable in showing compassion to her. She's hurting yet she is reaching out. Good for her. Don't get into wallowing; give HER strength with yours. Believe it or not, you have some "Extra" you can share with her. Know what I mean?
Take care,
j-

[K4D]

I am doing good SO2.

I feel like I am detaching as far as being dependent goes and I am getting healthier. No job yet, but a couple of leads. I am feeling good about things.

Kevin