Joint physical vs. joint shared; face that choice?

[faithisbelieving]

Although I am not officially divorced, I was wondering if there is any input here (not necessarily from dads), about selecting joint shared vs. joint physical custody.

I am a hands on father, love my children, but, I AM a physician and DO get called away at times. That wouldn't mean that I can't get coverage either by family that live nearby or some type of nanny or live in.

I want what's best for my kids. I participate in homework, etc, but, I DON'T want to be a 'we just visit dad' dad.

Any other's out there that faced the same choice?

FIB

[Jeff223]

Hey FIB,
I don't understand your question about selecting joint shared vs. joint physical custody. They are the same thing. I got the following from a web search:

Child Custody refers to the legal guardianship of the child, to be resolved either amicably between the parties, during the dissolution of the marriage or when two parents cannot agree on the custody of their children. In New York and most other states, there are two forms of custody, legal and physical custody, and, arising out of these, joint custody and shared custody (aka joint physical custody).

Legal custody refers to legal custodianship regarding major decisions in the child’s life (the child’s “lifestyle”), such as religious, medical, and educational decisions. In New York, legal custody can be granted to one or both parents.

Physical Custody refers to where the child resides. Generally, a child can live with one parent, with the other parent having visitation rights, or the child can live with both parents, generally with each parent 50 % of the time.

Joint custody is where both parents have legal custody over the child, meaning that both parents have to agree on the major decisions in the child’s life, and the child resides primarily with one parent, with the other parent having visitation rights.

Shared custody (aka joint physical custody) means that both parents have legal custody over the child, and, additionally, the parents share physical custody of the child, where, generally, the child resides with each parent 50 % of the time.

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Now if you are asking opinion on joint custody vs shared custody (aka joint physical custody) as defined above, of course the 50-50 shared solution is your best bet. If you try for more than 50% you may lose since you are the busy doctor and you are not the mother. I don't care what is said different, the mom has a clear advantage in a custody fight.

I faced that choice but even a 50-50 split was near impossible in Alabama so I took a 40-60% split or the "joint custody" as defined above. It is good since percentages are only numbers - what you make of the time is what is important. That said, I wish I had more time with my kids - at least 50%.

[faithisbelieving]

Thanks Jeff. Apparently,as I understand it, there is a slight difference in that the kids live with you during the week instead of, eg, going home after an evening together. That is, if you have 50-50, and you get the kids 2-3 days during the week, the kids would pack up and sleep over. My L feels this is too disruptive. It would also mean that they live with you 50% of the time during the summer.

One of my friends said that...they can look at mom as the real parent and you as 'we just visit dad'. I've been here long enough to know that my kids love me and that wouldn't be the case. I also don't want to get caught up in the jargon.

Thanks for your input.
FIB

[sleeper]

Hello Faithisbelieving,

I have a 50/50 both domicillary and legal custody split with my X. The kids live with me a week and then with her a week and so forth.

Don't know what the law is in your state or if your X would go for this but I have been told by my C that more and more judges are prefering this arrangement.

Good luck.

[Jeff223]

If I read it correctly your lawyer thinks that the kids sleeping over half the time is too disruptive? If so, time to get a new lawyer.

Everything I researched said that the kids need to spend time (including overnights) with BOTH parents. Google it and read for yourself.

You need the kids to stay with you overnights. Don't settle for anything less. Staying up late curled up on the sofa wathching their favorite movie and then breakfast the next day is priceless time.

Don't keep them and you would send the message you don't want to and are indeed just "visiting". Knowing your stbx that is what she would say.

I get them every Thurs night and every other weekend: Thurs after school until Monday morning when I take them to school. It works fine. If I had a choice I would get them every Wed and Thurs. I keep mine 50% in the summer - basically all June and she gets basically all July. My kids don't "pack up" - clothes at both places.

[faithisbelieving]

Thanks sleeper...I read your sig....sorry for the pain that you went through. I hope you are moving on and staying strong. FIB