OK, if you have time, warning this is going to be an H4H length post. Busy day this week. I met with the lawyer twice! I woke up with laryngitis again yesterday (had it Thanksgiving too). The L says if it doesn't get better they will have to postpone the D hearing on Monday, and warned X's L as well. I meet with her tomorrow afternoon if I'm better. Still have it today though. I'm trying not to talk as the kids are going to be with their dad this weekend, but really had wanted to go to church and a party tomorrow I was looking forward too. I'm drinking hot tea now and resting my voice, so hopefully that'll help. Oh, I tried to get into the dr. office yesterday after the L, but they closed at lunchtime and there were no drs. They said it's going around town though (half my friends here have it) laryngitis and coughing and they're not giving antibiotics for it to anyone. I have been sick 12 days already though!!! You know if it weren't for bad luck...but I know it will all work out eventually. Right?
Two of my friends are acting as witnesses for me. Typed up their info and they are very sweet and supportive. My L thinks they are excellent witnesses. Also I've been told my pastor is going to be there (hopefully if we have it!) to support me and has on his calendar. Very sweet people.
My L is planning on kind of an almost battered-wife defense, well verbally battered anyway. A huge thing she wanted to do as an opener is show one of the little space heaters X bought to warm the house ($10-15 ones from WalMart) to prove he is not a caring father. The thing that bothers me about this is that I think that also shows my poor parenting at the time. If the heat broke today I would insist he buy good-size heaters and/or get it fixed or move somewhere else. Something. B/c I was desperate and trying to prevent the D, I did not act in my children's best interests, as I do believe I would if it happened today.
I understand she wants to attack X and reveal his character (or lack thereof) and financial motivations, but I think there is SO MUCH stuff she has other than that as I've told her everything pretty much at this point. So I'm at a crossroads about this. I've told her I don't feel comfortable about that, and she insists on it though. Thoughts anyone?
Also, she says by tomorrow I need to have a firm schedule in mind of custody/visitation at both homes. I initially told her I would be fine with X's request of Sunday, Monday, and every other Sat. night, and just not tuesday b/c of the kids' activities. This would also give me an extra day to help S16 with his virtual schooling online as we're having a hard time fitting it all in 3.5 days. A good friend was telling me last night she thinks I should try to get them Monday through Friday afternoon, i.e. the school week b/c of the problems we've had.
And just today, S16 told me his school schedule for next semester had been sent home last week. They put English 1 on it which he already took at flvs (counts for public high school credit) and he got an A. I asked X if he had the copy of it for me, as S didn't know the other classes on it either, and he said no, he was going to call her Monday (I think the head of ESE at S16's school. I emailed him I would still like a copy of S16's schedule. It's stuff like this (his severe lack of communication) that makes me think my friend might be right.
OMG! I just listened to my phone messages (was too busy yesterday). Remember the $34,000 job I interviewed for 10 days ago--they left a message telling me to call them about the position late Friday afternoon? Which of course I will do as soon as I can Monday am. Does that mean I got it do you think? That would totally affect the whole hearing Monday. Bizarre if the case. My L was just saying Friday it would take a miracle for me to get a $34,000 job nowadays and with my break from working....
OMG! I hope that it's good news about the job!!! You deserve that job girl!
You have been giving your L ammunition all of this time, why would you not want her to use it now? Your stbx has been a complete a$$ and deserves to be taken to the cleaners and made to face his actions. Let him have it!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I am so sorry about your upper respiratory cold that is giving you the laryngitis. (That's what gets me nearly every other year if I don't watch out. I hate losing my voice.) And such an awful time to get it too! 12 days is too much. Wish I had a magic cure for it to pass on to you -- just make sure you get plenty of rest.
I am sure you are wanting to get this legal battle over with, or at least part of you does. I know I wouldn't want anymore delays. Then again if it does get delayed, it might really be a blessing, I don't know.
I think it is great that you have such good people willing to put themselves at your service and are so ready to vouch for you. Your pastor is really amazing to be willing to show up in support of you in court -- it says a lot about what a great person you are.
I'm not quite sure why you think you have some sort of exposure on the space heater thing. You were still M'ed to your STBX and it was very early in the S at the time, so you were still quite dependent on him for the duties he had performed and was supposed to have been responsible for prior to walking out. So who can blame you for wanting to compromise with your albeit estranged husband and at the same time take care of your kids. You needed him to continue to honor his duties and he failed to do so even remotely adequately.
You only acquiesced to keep the peace and avoid hostilities, right? I think that would actually work into your L's case in attempting to show you as being verbally abused by H -- she could show that you didn't object to his half-arsed solution because of the prior abuse pattern.
I can say that I am not so crazy about these battered-wife arguments, as all L's try to play that card, even where it doesn't exist. But in your particular case, Karen, given what you have described to us and how he has treated you (especially his public castigations of you, and that crazy stalking stuff), I am thinking your L might not be so far off the mark here.
I really hope you get the job. You deserve a good break, given all you're dealing with right now. God willing, it will turn out as you hope it will.
Karen, best wishes on the job front. Sounds like a big week is ahead. When you get a minute, can you come by my thread in 'I Need Support...' Maybe I need a 2x4, or maybe a hug. Can't quite figure it out. Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Karen, I've been following your post but not posting myself wow, you have been through a lot, I cannot believe the crap you have had to put up with, and how long its taking for your D.
Thank you for posting on my thread, I'll send you a note on fb, You can be proud of yourself taking everything that has been thrown at you, the end is near and you can move on, but thats wierd also being married for as long as we have.
I hope all goes well with the job opportunity as always I'm keeping you in my prayers
I'll try to find time to post more.
Thanks Jeff46 Single in St Louis
WAW 42 M10.75 years D10, D8, D8, S7 OM confirmed 12/07 merry Christmas to me New Abbreviation = WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 D final 02/10/09 WAW engaged 11/09
Thanks for the good thoughts all!!! Jeff, so good to hear from you always. No guilt about not posting; you have your hands full I know!
I'm still not 100% sure about custody, and the L says I have to be 100% decided tomorrow am by 9:15 (when hearing starts). I was prepared to let him have the Sunday and Monday night and every other Sat. night he wanted, but not the Tuesday, but I'm torn b/c of the school info he keeps from me. So...I'm going to pray tonight and hope I wake up with the answer. If anyone has any thoughts on this, I would so appreciate it if you have time. I know y'all know the sitch as well as me, probably better, b/c it's easier to see others sitches rather than your own (at least for me).
I'm so stressed-if I can get any sleep tonight I'll be thrilled. The L asked me a couple questions open-ended about for example why I think I should have majority of the custody (she corrects me all the time it's called time-sharing now), despite X living way closer to the kids's schools. I said well that's the only positive factor he has! Pretty much anyway. I will try to remember though to add in about the continuity of not radically changing custody of the past 15 years, and my virtual schooling of S16, etc. It will be so wonderful to have this over!!!
You will definitely be in my prayers tomorrow. As for the time-sharing, let the judge do the compromising. You have to start asking for the best case senario. If you start with a compromise, you'll get less that what you are prepared to settle for. The good thing is that you're kids are old enough to tell the judge who they'd rather live with and that will weigh in the decision. I would start with Fri, Sat, Sun night every other week. You should get the school week all the time.
Busy day this week. I met with the lawyer twice! 
I woke up with laryngitis again yesterday (had it Thanksgiving too). The L says if it doesn't get better they will have to postpone the D hearing on Monday, and warned X's L as well. I meet with her tomorrow afternoon if I'm better. Still have it today though. I'm trying not to talk as the kids are going to be with their dad this weekend, but really had wanted to go to church and a party tomorrow I was looking forward too. I'm drinking hot tea now and resting my voice, so hopefully that'll help. Oh, I tried to get into the dr. office yesterday after the L, but they closed at lunchtime and there were no drs. They said it's going around town though (half my friends here have it) laryngitis and coughing and they're not giving antibiotics for it to anyone. I have been sick 12 days already though!!! You know if it weren't for bad luck...but I know it will all work out eventually. Right?