Well over the weekend I tried to establish some boundaries.......I kept our communication minimal unless it was about our son. Yesterday he made some desparate attempts. He said to come quick or I could regret it. Tell our son he loves him, come quick but don't bring Jack. So after a few attempts prior to this of getting me to come I finally did once he started talking like he was considering hurting himself. I went there.......and he said I just didn't feel good. I told him that was unacceptable to trick me into thinking he was doing something more serious. I asked him if he needed something from me, if not I was leaving. So I did. He then called me later and said please come over with Jack. I'm tired of crying, tired of being alone. Please come and stay the night with Jack. So we did. I felt bad. He cried a lot and our son asked him why he was crying he said cuz daddy's happy. he hugged me and said I'm sorry. Not sure what he's sorry for exactly but I was too exahusted to find out at the time. So...........awww now what???
You seem to be weilding the Darkness tecnique lika a weapon. It seems to have accomplished what it was supposed to. What more are you hoping to accomplish by staying dard?
What now? So you enforce your boundaries. He stays sober, He operates with 100% transparency. He gets rid of the pictures of the other chick and whatever other reminders, you let him know you will not compromise and if he agrees (and actually does it), you can slowly move forward.
It sounds like you pretty much have the power at this point but are too scared to exercise it. He is making noise like he wants to put it back together. So you have to do the work, which in this instance means being brave enough to not allow that crap. Set the boudaries. The ONLY way EVER you will feel safe and trusting enough is to lay down the ground rules/boundaries. Yeah! he may not put up with it. Then out he goes. OR he will and you will then be able to start to trust and maybe move past roommate status.
I know I am sounding like a broken record but as an unemotional third party observer, your current situation seems really positive, and fairly clear cut, if you have the strength to stand your ground and call the shots.
Please list your ground rules/boundaries.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
Well said Down....I agree Nik. As I said on my page, your indecisiveness is really controlling the situation at the moment. It maybe a great time to lay down some boundaries and ask him what he wants. And if he wants to reconcile...then you say these are my boundaries. Take'em or leave'em. I think you are in the drivers seat.
I agree with both of you.....I'm prepared to say my stipulations to coming back home are you get on medication again and do individual counseling for yourself as well as marriage. If you can't agree to those terms we don't have much to work on or I'll be going back to my parents.
I agree with both of you.....I'm prepared to say my stipulations to coming back home are you get on medication again and do individual counseling for yourself as well as marriage. If you can't agree to those terms we don't have much to work on or I'll be going back to my parents.
??? I guess that's what I"m thinking anyway?
That sounds like you are suggesting that he move in THEN get medication and IC? I may have misunderstood. I would suggest he straightens himself out and THEN you see if he can move back in.
Me 36, W 34 | D 8 | M 3.5y Sep 2Aug09 | Left 6Sep09 | OM in 10Oct09 | NC 17Nov09 | Gave up caring - Jan 2010
"Have integrity. Do what is right, not what is expedient." "Delay is the antidote for anger"
My H has been calling/texting me each day. Refusal to leave me alone. His latest round of text said:
I'm not looking for anyone. I never said I was happy. I'm am just moving on. I need to sell our house too many memories here. I filled out paperwork for working in Canada. I"m going to make some good money. You and our son will never go wtihout as long as I'm alive. I would live in an apt so he could have pool in his backyard. You are going to look back and be happy. You're going to find mr right, me on the other hand I am just going to work to make sure you two have a good life.
Sounds like a cop-out to me. Obviously your H is battling depression but this phrase...
I would live in an apt so he could have pool in his backyard. You are going to look back and be happy. You're going to find mr right, me on the other hand I am just going to work to make sure you two have a good life.
sounds like he is still with or wants to be with OW...it's an escape path for H to lessen the guilt on himself by "providing" for you and your S...
