I have been reading the advice on the forum for a number of weeks and found it very helpful, so now I have come for an insight into my sitch.
I believe my husband has been in MLC for about 3 years but I came to this conclusion only on reflection after he left. Over the last 12 – 18 months he became increasingly withdrawn and drank more beer than was good for him. He also lost a lot of weight very quickly. Unknown to me he started an EA via an internet dating site in Jan 09. He walked out after an argument in July 09 and returned 3 days later to work on the marriage. At this point he admitted there had been another woman but no PA but it was over and she had another boyfriend. Despite trying to engage with him to try and sort our relationship out he always had an excuse not to participate. He contacted the OW at the beginning of Aug 09 and dropped the bomb on 15th Aug that he didn’t love me as he did when we were 20, he had fallen out of love with me, he had been miserable for 8 years in the marriage, rewrote our history, said the marriage was over that we would be separated, divorced and he would marry someone else as he deserved some happiness. He moved out into a flat on 11th Sept 09.
Despite him wanting the OW to move in she has never moved in full time but continues to live with her husband, who she is separated from during the week and I believe some weekends. This is despite her being traumatised by the arguments between herself and her husband. My H believes he loves her.
When he first moved out he had no contact with me or his children for two weeks. Gradually he has made increasing contact and now visits the children once per week and uses text and telephone calls to maintain a relationship with them. At times when he visits he looks old, pale and miserable and admits he’s not happy.
I don’t contact him unless it’s about the children or his business. The text are always business like with no emotion (though that’s hard and I have only just managed it). I have been trying to train myself to be detached and GAL despite what has happened.
Three weeks ago I told him he needed to think of where he would store his motorbikes and office furniture out of the garage. He looked shocked and asked me if I was going to sell the house. I said not imminently but these are things he should consider.
Since then his texts have become friendlier and he has started ringing me occasionally. Despite this he will have days when he doesn’t communicate, particularly if the OW is around. He starts his motorbikes when he visits and is visiting the garage playing with his ‘toys’. He also spends time with me alone ‘chatting’ although I always try to be busy. He also makes physical contact with me i.e touching my hand, wiping some dirt off my face, standing beside me helping in the kitchen. Before he left he never came near me. We also have good eye contact when talking. Now he has arranged for a meal in a restaurant to celebrate his and our son’s birthday in December and asked my parents to go along as well. He has chosen to spend his actual birthday with the OW.
My D19 spoke to him yesterday and asked him if he had MLC which of course he denied. He said he was happy with OW and not coming back and had detached himself from the family and home.
Can anyone give me some insight into what is going on with the change in his approach to me? Any advice would be appreciated.
