Hello All! So I'm back. I plan to get on here more often again. I just really needed a break and frankly as I thought the D was just around the corner, I needed to give you all a break from me as I was getting to be very cynical and angry and didn't want to say something I didn't really mean here.
Update: I'm not sure what's going on!! LOL!! But we aren't divorced yet. So I'll just break it all down.
The last time I was here, I thought we were a done deal. I even started to date a bit. He found out about that and really paid attention to me and was really nice. But for the most part, I'm done with that other dude. He was nice but several deal breakers are in place...the big one: He wants children and I'm done with that. I would like to maybe adopt, but I don't want to do it the "old fashion way". I've done that once and believe everyone who wants that should have it. It's worth every second and so much more. I just don't want to do it again.
I have really gotten a life. When I thought the D was for sure, I stopped all his cake eating. He takes son every other weekend and on his nights. I rarely compromise or cover for him...the only time is when it's related to his job. I do no more laundry.
I picked up a side job/deal that really gets me back out into the community and gives me a higher profile.
I've stopped wearing my ring everywhere but at work where I have not told most people what's going on. I'll put that out there if/when we D. (I have about 1500 people in my building. I figure when I go official with it, it'll be out in about 15 minutes!)
Since I've stopped the cake eating, he's been more attentive. He's invited me out and on trips and includes me more. He even told me to wear my rings on a trip we recently went on with two of his buddies...one we hadn't seen in a long time. But I've gone back to not wearing them.
This past week, he sends me a text about a friend who's having a holiday party tomorrow and he HAS to go. This friend and his wife always make other people's parties and the last couple he's had were bombs. I said OK, are you telling me because you want me to go or are we just telling each other random things? Long texting back and forth...he basically explains he's waiting to see when we argue again and what about. We haven't argued about ANYTHING since November 21, the last time he talked about D. More over, we've been getting along royally. So I have to admit, I get it. I've told my friends and some fellow DBers (who are also friends of course, but as you know, you're all special) that I swear on my life....no more fights with him. I told him "The next time you and I fight, it's going to be over something NORMAL, like one of us forgets to pick up the milk and eggs." He said "We will see."
He hasn't talked to OW in weeks, months really....until last night. For the first time in almost three months, they talked for half an hour. Whatever. She's in full wedding planning mode and I'm surprised she even remembers his name. The important thing is that I really didn't care. And no fight about it.
So tomorrow we have two holiday parties we are going to. I'm not going to wear my rings, which I was gripping about. I may ask him what he wants me to do since one of them is his work party (I used to work there and I got invited independent of him.) (I was also later invited to the other party he texted me about by the wife. So, I don't need him!! LOL)
On December 2, he turned in his financial statements to his lawyer. I didn't know. My lawyer emails me and tells me that I have to get mine done. I said OK. The next time I talked to him I told him I was confused as things had been going great. He said "We have to move forward." I said Ok and we didn't fight. As I was thinking about it, I got mad. The next time we talked, later that day, I said "Hey, I don't believe you. I don't believe you are 100% about this D and I think it's time you tell your friends and family like I've told mind, butt out. Oh and you can shove your D up your a$$." He said nothing. Then I changed the subject to a funny story about S. And it was normal from there on out.
A few days later, in talking with my lawyer I wanted to know if I was obligated to do anything now that he's turned in his financial statement. He said if H pursues it and wants mine, I have to give it then otherwise, I go before a judge who orders me to produce them and H automatically gets lawyer fees that he may incur during that hearing. I said ok, but if H doesn't push it, I don't have to do anything.
I told H, "You want this, you can do my financial statement too, because looking at, that thing is a pain in the a$$." He didn't say anything.
OMG!!!! Yeah! I'm so glad you're back. I'm so glad you are moving on too. I'm glad H is more responsive. It all sounds really positive. I've been thinking of you and wondered what was going on. Keep in touch!!!! I've had some positive movement with my sitch too - and strangely coinsiding with Marital Sep. getting closer to finalization. We started MC and my H has not been verbally abusive since.
Your life sounds about like mine. We do not argue anymore because you have to feel emotionally enough about something to argue about it and I don't! I have missed you to and glad that your job is going well. I changed jobs a few months ago and sooo miss my old friends that were a source of comfort to me. Keep us updated!
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
