Well after nearly five aparts H and I are getting back together, he spends most of his time here at our house with a few days a week at his place so that he can finish off the courses he started back in September. We have lots to sort out and lots to change. But we are talking and taking things very slowly, we both want to make sure we get out of this new relationship what we both need, its more important to get it right than to rush things!
Hope some of you will stop by, as I start this new journey ironically with my H, which is not what I expected to be doing but Im over the moon we are!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Well H has toddled off back to his place, its hard for both of us now which is quite funny, Im doing my DB'ing best not to do clingy and miss you, whilst he is hanging back and not wanting to go lol! But today I joked and said "gosh you look like you are leaving home" he has taken the suitcase this time and was talking about starting to bring all his bits home here, his reply was really nice "I look forward to when I dont have too" Its not going to be easy but it will give us a bit of a break from each other over the next few weeks, my boundary being that after Xmas he only goes back to finish his photography course, and that he needs to start looking for equivalants up here to start in February.
Its going to be a long road back, but I have no A to deal with, but he really does need to start telling me what he wants this is where it has all gone wrong, indecisiveness and that rolled into not caring and not wanting to do anything! Looking forward to Xmas now and my birthday at least we will be together now.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thank you both ladies! It is nice to feel that we are moving forward towards more positive things, but as I said to a freind today Im not ready to party yet, still feel a bit too nervous to go that far!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I understand how you feel Rabbit and I think it is wise to still be cautious. My H is giving me every indication that this is for real, but I am aware of how common it is to still struggle etc. That's why I called this thread "one day at a time"... just trying to deal with what each day brings.
Let's hope you keep moving forward and that any setbacks are small and easily overcome~
Well seconds before I started typing I was about to say things were going along nicely and then somehow we got into an argument our first really!
This evening H was going to tell our son (21) that we were back together and then next week he was visiting my parents and sister and was going to do the same! Now I have issues with my sister, during our time apart H has developed rose tinted glasses about how she was always his friend and not the darling sister who for the past forty odd years has dropped me in the cart and got me told off by our parents for things I havent done, and hasnt spoken to me for nearly four/five years. Well one of my boundaries was that he could only be friends with her if she was treating me like a friend, we will never be true sisters I just dont trust her and never will. Anyway it rattled the alien within him about not being told what to do, I started my position quietly and calmly and said it wasnt he couldnt be friends but it was one of my boundaries transparency about it and she has to be joint friends not just his, we left it as he would sort it, and I left it that I wanted to get my boundaries out at the beginning as I dont want to get months into this and he not like a percieved new boundary and go again, Im not going through this again, he does have to realise I have been single for six months and Im not just falling in with him cos Im so desparate to have him back!
He also threw in that we were nearly back together as we wernt living together all the time, I just replied either we were or we wernt I wasnt doing Xmas in limbo, guess what we are together lol! He also brought me a lovely pair of woollen gloves today, I did ask him to see if he could find me a pair but he did and they are lush too!
Sorry this is long just need to get stuff off my chest.
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Don't apologize Rabbit, that's what this forum is for!
Good for you for sticking to your boundaries while "piecing". That is so important. If either you or he just lets things slide back to where they were before you will be back on the newbie forum a year or so from now! I am trying to remember that too. There are some really important boundaries I established while he was living in limboland that I need to maintain! It is not easy!
But... I have noticed that he actually seems to appreciate it when I do that. Maybe not at first, b/c it feels like "telling him what to do" (my H has an issue with that just like yours) but then after he gets over that initial reaction he seems to respect me for having my position.
I think it is all in how we present those boundaries. They can be done in loving but firm ways.
Keep going Rabbit, you are doing so well! I have a feeling you are going to have a wonderful Christmas!
They really are right when they say that piecing is where the hard work starts.. H is meeting up with my family for lunch on monday back at his place, it was all arranged six weeks ago and although it was muted that I join them between them it never got as far as me because H assumed I'd be working because I only just started my new job! Anyway trying not to feel left out and he has tried to persuade me its a blessing not going lol he is probably right. Anyway he plans to tell them all we are back together. The other night he had planned to tell S(21) we know he nows but it seemed only polite to tell him before announcing it to everyone else. So having ascertained H hadnt done it last time S was over, S appeared out of bed and I said we should do it now before he disappeared again, well I know it was irratating timing that S appeared as H was just about going out the door and he seemed a little irrate I was pushing for this. But it was pleasant and we laughed as S did realise and made us laugh as a family which was lovely, BUT here comes the rub, it seem inconvienant for H to tell him, Im not with him when he tells my family on monday and he told the wife of our friends that we'd probably be back together the other day when he went round for coffee on his own, is it wrong of me to want to hear him say to one person that he is back with me actually with me present, something inside of me wants him to be proud to be with me again and I feel as if Im being cheated out of it somehow! Maybe it will come with time who knows!
Here I go again on a long rant lol!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
