I posted previously under "here's another story". I was reading on here about "keeping a loving distance" and am looking for ideas on how to do that. H is still living at home, works nights so we don't see a whole lot of each other but when we do, I try to always be busy and upbeat. He acts almost normal on the weekends when he is home but during the week he is distant and quiet. I believe this is because he works with OW.
We talked a couple of weeks ago and he is still trying to make a decision between the two of us. I would still like to see our marraige work as I do still love him and we have the 2 kids to think about. I am planning to hang in there until after the holidays and then am going to set some boundaries which I will probably also need help with. I have read Puppy Dog Tail's sitch and the boundaries he set and plan to follow along those lines.
I know that there are no set rules as every sitch is different and every person is different but any help would be appreciated!
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I know that there are no set rules as every sitch is different and every person is different but any help would be appreciated!
Boundaries are key to this. You current boundary is that this is OK behavior for your husband. Imagine if the roles were reveresed and you were talking to a friend, "He knows I am having a affair and he's OK with it. I get the best of both worlds without any hassles."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I know you are right Coach. H said that OW has been pressuring him to make a decision so I thought it would be better to NOT pressure him. I had been afraid to set any boundaries for fear he will walk out the door but have been growing stronger and am ready to do that now. I just want to wait until after Christmas for the kids. It is time.
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Well, I have been silently watching posts from others on here, especially rockedworld's and gaining hope from her sitch. I was even going to ask her advice on the boundaries she set and how she approached her H as I had planned to have that same talk with my H after the holidays. Unfortunatley, the other night, some friends were over and we had a few drinks. H went to bed and left his phone out in the open. I couldn't help looking at the history on it to see if he had talked with OW over the Christmas holiday and yes, he had. I had been dreading Christmas especially since the weather prevented our company from coming, but H was really good, almost "normal" and we had a nice day afterall. So, after I saw that he had called her, I kinda went crazy and called her number and did a couple of hang ups! I don't know WHY I did that..it was like someone possessed me because he was obviously going to find out! How stupid of me! Went to work the next day and when I got home, H asked me if I had used his phone and I said yes, and he walked out. I think he has been waiting for an excuse to leave and boy did I give him one! I am going dark...have not tried to call him at all. Help!
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I'm a very confused wife too. I just wanted you to know I feel you. Stand your ground and be the better choice. Do not let him see you sad! Stay focused on you! If you focus on him it will drive you crazy.
praying for you...
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
I am sorry you are here to Luvless. Thanks for replying. There is a lot of good advice on here...these people know what they are talking about! I just have to start listening! I will pray for you also!
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Ok...tried to keep busy today and have done pretty good until now so thought I better get on here and get grounded again. Kids, S14 and D11 seem to be handling things well so that helps. Have some questions for anyone... H has not called yet. I haven't spoken with him since Wed. pm. He did call the kids Thur morning but that is the last we have heard from him.
I plan to agree with him that what I did was wrong when/if he confronts me about making the phone calls to OW and think I will say that I am ashamed that I allowed myself to drop down to their level. Does this sound ok?
Second, I have only spoken of our problems with the girls I work with. No family members have a clue as to what has been going on. My SS and his family often stop by after church on Sunday and am wondering what I should say to them when they ask where H is? Do I expose all or just some and let H tell them? Also, we live in a very small town and neighbors will notice H's truck not here.
Would really appreciate any feedback...I am finally ready to listen!
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No. That is an insult. You've already admitted that you did the calls. Nothing was said, so what's there to talk about? If he asks, say "yes, I dialed her number...so?" There is no crime in dialing a number that I have heard of. Remember, he is the one having the affair. He should be apologizing to you for making your life miserable.
