Cut a long story short, H and I met as youngsters and with my sister and my best friend we had our own little crew! Anyway my sister always had a problem with being economical with the truth all through her childhood and I usually got the blame and the beating to go with it due to her lies, so you can guess we dont get on that well, at various points since I have been married she has dropped me in it with my parents and caused rifts. H has known all about these I never keep secrets from him.
Anyway whilst in his WAS/MLC hes gone all rose tinted glasses about her and doesnt seem to think its a problem her not being in contact with me, she slammed the phone down on me for something I didnt do and although she is civil to me at the usual family gatherings now she has just sent me a card that says regards sis & kids..
My boundary was he could only be friends with her if she was friends with me, we already fell out because he has bought her a xmas present, which he seemed to think was ok although he was caught out rather than being tranparent as asked.. But it had been done before I asked for transparency but Im not 100% sure!
The card has really "got my goat" this evening, I CANNOT tolerate my H being friends with my sister when she obviously doesnt want to be any more than civil with me, regardless of what I have done. Some of the traits he developed when WAS are hers, being economical with the truth etc.
He is coming home for Xmas tomorrow and has told all my family we are back together but I think this problem is going to keep rearing its ugly head, she feels like a OW and Im not having it.. HELP what do I do, I dont want to ruin our very fragile piecing and Xmas but this cannot go on!
TIA
Rabbit
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
My boundary was he could only be friends with her if she was friends with me,
How old are you?
Your issue is with your sister not your husband. This is your problem to deal with your sister. What specific behaviors does she do that are unacceptable to you?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Sorry Coach let me put it another way, do you think its ok for a H/W to be friends with one of their spouses relatives who treats their spouse rudely, has lied about them to other members of their family and it is highly like they have also encouraged the H/W to walk away. This relative has split with their own H in the past few years.
Its not a case of spoilt brat talking, Ive always been the honest one and she has always lied about me and got away with it, I have been on occasions extradited from my family because of things she has lied about. We moved away because I got fed up of having to lie to aquaintances we both knew to cover up her lies.
If I was really honest I would also add that I dont trust my own sister to want to have an affair with my H, she always liked him when we were younger and now he earns a substantial amount of money and would be a good catch!
Hope this clarifies things a bit better and thanks for answering (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
While it might be icky, and you might not like it, I would have to say that you can't control who is friends with who. I'm sure you have figured out that the more you push against it, the more likely it is to happen.
Well sis is persisting on keeping her realtionship with H going, I think Im just gonna let this one pan out and see where it is going, I have stated my boundary. I think the problem is that H seems to think that she is trying to reconcile with me and I can see that a xmas card that says regards sis is her making a statement, I wouldnt send my worst enemy one with regards at the bottom... I endured him opening a bag of christmas presents from her, nothing in it for me, and put up with her txting him back and forth and him txting her all day..
I think he realises its a make or break problem but I also get the impression its NOT a "toys outta pram" situation for him, its just a fact of him being away so maybe I will just let it wear off and only push it if it becomes more devisive..
Got some lovely presents although nothing really romantic, but a book I really love, although that has always been something hes done as its my birthday in a few days and I often get a romantic present then. Having family around for dinner tonight so best get on!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
