Hello to those still on here from the last time I posted (so long ago.. More about that below),
First off I want to apologize for the abrupt departure from here. I received so much love and support from everyone, you literally saved my life. It was selfish of me to go away like I did, but I felt I needed to do so. I had become too comfortable relying on my online friends and needed to live in real life and rebuild the friends I had let go of throughout my marriage. It was also selfish of me to withdraw my support by doing that, for the people on here that may have been helped by my input. I'm hoping to look into your sitchs and catch up where I can.
A lifetime of emotional change and enlightenment has happened since I left here. I'm not sure where to even begin.
I'm still in much the same situation as before unfortunately, but not for much longer I hope.
I'm still in the matrimonial home, though I stopped paying the mortgage in October and am moving into a rental house at the end of this month. I got tired of being in limboland and supporting ex's bad choices/actions. I had tried to approach mortgage lenders but as I still don't have a separation agreement, they won't even look at me. Ex responded to my informing his lawyer of this by filing in court. I have a court date on the 27th of February.
Ex got a lawyer in August of last year when I started pressing him for proof of income etc. The OW is paying for the lawyer as well as the minimal child support I started to receive after he hired the lawyer (her cheques and everything). Before then he had been living illegally in the US and not paying a dime. I'm still waiting for reimbursement of 30% of the Childcare and attendant care expenses from August to October. I didn't bother to submit further when he didn't pay the first.
I've recently found a lawyer to help me for a reduced fee. I'm hoping I put my trust in the right person this time. The one who offered to help me pro Bono didn't at all.
I still think Ex is in a midlife crisis of sorts, but I've figured out that's only part of the story. I think he was always the way he is now but that his mother was his morality check. When she died, so did that barrier. And I no longer will blindly accept his words and good intentions; I no longer have to and never really *did* have to.
I had to figure out for myself why someone as intelligent as I am (I'm confident and feisty as hell these days ;-p) would choose someone like him. Someone who was all flowery of word and full of promises but no follow through. Someone who would subtly undermine me and intimidate me with his loud yelling and height (he was almost a foot taller than I). It frustrates him now that I don't fall for any of the above any longer. And I no longer care what he thinks about my actions or reactions. I listen to me now.
When I did figure out why I chose Ex, it opened another can of worms in my life (I'll go into that in Pt 2).
So in sitch summary, still separated and am planning to be divorced at some point. I've been dating for a year now but not jumping into anything with anyone. Ex is still with the OW and living 17 hours from his children. He set a visit schedule for once a month upon my insistence with his lawyer two months ago and already has broken that arrangement in direct and indirect ways.
My children are doing well with things, though the move coming up is stressing them I can tell. I'm trying to make it as positive as possible, but it hasn't been easy of late. More on that in Pt 2.
(To be continued tomorrow.. Or actually later today as I just noticed the time..)
