I would make sure the OWH knows asap too... Your H's likely planning damage control.
Tell the OWH where your H works too.. and make sure your H KNOWS that the OWH knows his work address...
He's been messing with people's lives for a while now because HE had more info and let others out of the loop.
Turn the tables on him and make sure he KNOWS the tables are now turned around.. the more he sweats the quicker he wakes up.
This will VERY likley start a FIGHT with your H and the OW... when you bring reality down on those two infidels they FIGHT.. the more fights you cause between them the better.
More reality = more conflict for those two.. and more fighting.. they will hate each other in no time... just keep a distance and keep hitting them with reality from a distance.
Keep a lot of intel handy. ALWAYS be civil, but don't tell him anything. don't cater to his whims or complaints.
Keep distant but don't be mean or name call... hold your ground but be an adult... think of him as a five year old who's gearing up for a HUGE tantrum.... just be a mother instead of falling to his level, don't let him bait you... be the adult.. a DISTANT CIVIL adult. But share no info unless it will do damage on his end.. you don't want him hating you.. if YOU don't do any name calling his OW will look bad... out mature this OW, its easy.
Get in touch with the OWH asap... compare notes... the sooner you two get together the better.
If H is going to be at home and you want to go home, take the OWH with you... your H wont' go anywhere near your house while the OWH's there. Invite him over for a coffee. THEN invite your H over and surprise him.
Excellent work, you are in a great position here... often the OW or OM is single and you have no recourse.
In this case the pressure to end the affair is twice as strong.
Your H and the OW are likley going to try to keep you two apart... you are going to see a mirror image here... YOU two can split them up... but YOU two need to get together..
Spouses in these situations are usually helpful and cooperative to someone going though the same thing...
I think you are going to do really well here, you are in a good situation and have a lot of opportunity to apply a lot of pressure on your H to end this affair.
Once the affair is over then you let him work off the withdrawal and you two can decide what to do about your marriage.
While there's an affair going on... No decisions should take place and I would tell your H that too.. you don't want to hear what he has to say while he's cheating on you.
And yes it is still cheating even if you know... don't let him try to tell you different.
Do everything you can to get in contact with the OM and get him to come to your place... surprise your H, i would love to be there when he comes home and the OWH is in the living room lol
You've gotten some really good advise from the others. But, you really need to protect yourself. Visit a lawyer for a consult. Move some money if you can so you have some in case your H retaliates by emptying your bank account.
I'm not saying that these are permanent steps. Your M can still be saved but you have to protect yourself in the short term. When my H was still deep in lala land with OW, he stole money from my account, left the kids alone and even called our landlord to try to get out of our lease and stick me with it.
We've come back from the brink but it's rough at the start. Come here often. The support is fantastic.
The OWH is unlisted in the phonebook, so i'm still trying to figure out a way to contact him.
H has texted me twice sense I last posted: H: U want to talk now (I didn't respond) H: (15 min later) U should call me now (I didn't respond)
I did find out (from his mom) that he came home early from work because he had an appt. She's thinking it was with a lawyer. I did talk to some lawyers today and all said there is no advtange to him filing first. However, if while we are seperated he deecides to stop paying any bills, then all adviced I file and get a temporary order for him to pay.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
go to facebook, find him, find a mutual friend. he must me listed on some social website. a little effort on the web and you'll figure it out. I found my OMW where she lived, mutual friends...you can figure out a lot in a short time.
I had an employer who paid net detective online for access to their database of address and phone numbers- seemed very good. Most libraries also have a paid database called Reference USA and Business Reference USA- you will have better luck with that. You can usually get info on the phone from the library- you do not have to go to one. You may also want to try some library databases that index and abstracts local newspapers. I know that I can look up and see by a persons name what real estate he/she bought, the address, the purchase price and the year bought. So if you have the name of OW - then search her name and if she bought a house with her hubby it will be listed as "OW and OWH purchased house at ### address..."If you are in NY there are databases at the library for this, I really believe other states would have this. Sometimes you local newspaper has a website that is searchable by name for real estate info.
Also, if you have no luck at a public library the reference staff at university libraries will still help you and usually have better researcher skills.
Best, you hubby definitely seems to be trying to bully you. Stay strong don't show weakness to him. He is looking for you to be weak now so he can manipulate you- very obvious.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
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