Hi Curveball, I have been reading yor story and can relate so much of what your are saying. Separations are difficult but when a pregnanacy is involved, it is terribly, terribly complicated. If you can support her while she is pregnant, no matter what happens in the future, then do so. It does not matter what others think, especially family. You are not to blame for the sitch. Just be there for her for now as it is important for the health of the baby.
I thought I was 'done' posting. I'm a pretty private person...so the fact that I posted at all kind of surprised myself. It must be therapeutic is some strange way. I find myself coming back here almost nightly though and reading others stories so thought I'd give a little update on mine!
W decided she would keep the kids on Saturday. As she doesn't work now and really doesn't have a place to live (she is living with her parents now after 1st moving in with OM) she asked if she could stay here with them. I agreed and told her I would 'go out' aka GAL. She agreed....then a couple of days later she asked if I would stay home with her and the kids and we could watch a movie or something. I politely declined and told her I had already made plans. Other than 2 work related outings I have had my girls every weekend since September except once. I felt like I truly needed some 'me' time.
When I came home the next morning she was not happy as she had plans with the OM and I was 'late'. The problem is she never told me about her plans. It just reinforced my decision again.
Funny thing is she calls me yesterday saying she did want to come home, but after what I did to her (not come home until the next day at 10:30 am) she has changed her mind. WTF! Like she now gets to choose or something. Unbeleivable.
BTW Steve - I had the OM listed in the D filing as the father.
I am extremely sorry about the situation enduring and that you have found yourself here. You have however, come to the right place.
Babies need a lot of love but your responsibility for the love and care of this one is zero, unless you choose otherwise.
Quote:
When I came home the next morning she was not happy as she had plans with the OM and I was 'late'. The problem is she never told me about her plans
Not worth the time of day to you, this one. Please do not let this woman live in your house with you.
Quote:
It just reinforced my decision again.
Good.
Quote:
Funny thing is she calls me yesterday saying she did want to come home, but after what I did to her (not come home until the next day at 10:30 am) she has changed her mind. WTF!
Just a mind game. Adulterous wives active in their affairs will do just about anything to poison your brain and manipulate you. Read my threads for a few pointers if you like - of what to do and what not to do.
Quote:
Like she now gets to choose or something.
No she does not.
You do.
Quote:
Unbeleivable.
To us who have been here a couple of years, not at all. Sounds very textbook, as per the script to me.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
As far as names on birth certificates I wish my stepdaughter's had my name as the father. It would have simplified things the 2 years we had her, and now she's been living with her bio dad since June and I miss her like I would have missed one of my own. This is probably not true in many cases, but we would have rather not even told my stepdaughter she had a different dad. This is a decision you will have to make, and if you've already made it that makes it a lot easier. What actually happened is I didn't sign the birth certificate pending a DNA test, then after the DNA test I changed my mind too late.
As for her asking to spend time with the family watching movies, etc. I would not turn it down. It's not a time to let her try to cuddle on the couch, but letting her know you're there for her by being in the same room while something else is going on is a start to showing acceptance as a friend, which she does need. I wouldn't cancel plans for it either, but as long as it doesn't go too far between the 2 of you it should be a positive experience.
And the living situation.... Tell her you can't live in an open marriage, and as long as there is OM she is not welcome to stay the night but she can visit without OM present. It is not your job to support her as long as she is not willing to work on the M. As far as not coming home til 10:30 AM that seems disrespectful. It hurts her in the same way it hurt you when she did it to you, and that can only do damage.
*** disclaimer - of course that is opinionated, point is to set boundaries while still being friendly, but without being demanding or controlling
H28 | WAW24 | S8 | D5 | SD2 | D1 | T6 | M1 My Story | My Motivation
Curveball, Do not believe her about 'if you had not come home so late'. If she had really wanted to come home, she would not have had a date with the OM scheduled. She is just wanting to blame you for something to make you look like the bad guy. If she tries to throw that in your face again, tell her that you get to decide when she comes home and it will not be as long as the OM is still a part of her life, Period. good luck
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
BTW Steve - I had the OM listed in the D filing as the father.
2 separate court procedings curveball. Is this guy admitting there is a possibility that he is the father? Is he attending the doctors appointments with your wife? Is he contributing financially to the situation?
Just to clarify...she isn't living here anymore. She lives basically next door with her parents (or with OM). I did let her come stay here with the kids, but I, however didn't stay here that night.
To answer your questions Steve: 1) Yes he has admitted 2) I don't think so, but I'm not for sure 3) Not to my knowledge. She is still covered under my employer sponsored insurance plan, so she really hasn't encountered any expenses yet.
As far as the birth certificate goes, as of right now his name will be on it and our D will be sometime after that. That being said, I don't know what will happen between now and then.
Why on earth would I even CONSIDER anything but a D. The reason I say that is last night W came down to tuck in D at bedtime. She then cried and told me she wanted to come home. I told her I didn't think I could do that. She has a child coming and he/she isn't mine. She just said "I know".
Then today when I stopped to pick up the kids after work (the kids stay at my mother-in-laws-where she is most of the time) she handed me a Valentines Day card. It was pretty short and sweet, but still.
So I'm thinking just maybe I could do this. BUT, I decide to check my mobile phone website and I see that she is still texting/talking to OM daily. She doesn't know that I monitor this and I(thanks to Puppy and others I've read)don't plan on telling her anytime soon.
As of now I'm still thinking a D is inevitable, but if I see a serious change in behavior and NO evidence of OM MAYBE I could reconsider. Am I freaking nuts or what?!?!
