how can i cope with anger and sadness at him

[flossyfluff]

I have to talk to him tomorow after two months of no vocal communication. I really do not want to talk to him as his email and texts hqave been very cold and the sound of his cold voice just makes me go back to square one where I am hurting and shaking. Should I talk to him? He cateforically does not want to work on M and wants a D. He will not change his mind. As we are thousands of miles apart, there is no possibility of a face to face meeting. He is getting pushy as he wants to file. I amstill waiting for my DB book to arrive and still do no know how to address issues and communicate with him. If anyone has any ideas I would be glad to hear them. I had said we would talk tommorrow but I do not want to spoil my weekend and would rather talkafter that.
Any help please would be welcome.
We have not spoken for over 2 months. It's been emails or texts. Now he want to talk about filing and I am not up to it. What should I do? I cannot put if off for ever nor do I want to appear as if I do not want to communicate. I literally feel ill when I have to read his mail.

[Jstar]

Remember this is not about him at this time. If you do not want to speak to him then dont. YOu can be respectful and courteous and let him know that tommorow will not work for you, you are a little busy that you would like to reschedule.

Don't do things you don't want to do if you don't have to do them. He doesn't need anything from you to file, maybe he wants to see your reaction and test you face to face since you have not had face to face in 2 months.

So why is there a have to talk to him?

[Number 8]

I love what you said about wishing the H could just wake up and do what's right and good. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this or wishes it would happen.

Hope you've both had a good day. Thinking of you both.

[Number 8]

Have you read the book How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It? It has some great communication tips in it. It won't solve everything, but it is very eye-opening, at least.

[flossyfluff]

No I have not read it. I am a bit far away from bookshops at the moment and can't get hold of any books. My DB book which I ordered will probably get here in a week's time..:( Is the book available to download? I feel as though I'm reaching a point where I will just give up. I am up against his determination - a concrete wall.. Lke JStar said, I wish he would just wake up and realise what is good and right. I hope one day he realises that he can hide now but what about in future? At least I wish he had a conscience.. I would feel better as I don't believe I married a soulless person and never realised it until now.
Thanks for the tip on the book and I hope you are both well and that today will be better than yesterday. x

[Number 8]

Haven't seen you around here in a while, and I wanted to check in on you. How are things? How are you?

[crushed_v95]

Hi Flossy:

Your situation is very similar to my own, only I have kids who have to navigate these perilous waters. It's no picnic.

I have only been here a few weeks and already my outlook is reversed simply with the realization that others have been in my position. Among my friends it seems like nobody would understand, but here on this forum you'll find many people with stories related to your own.

I have no desire to provoke him, I just want to also be able to get on with my life, with or without him, and I have to go back. If he does not want to see me, that's ok but I have lots to sort out and all my stuff is there.

This was my situation. My own wife would follow me around screaming. "Get out of my house! I want to see some progress toward you moving out! Go live in the shelter for chrissake!"

One day, after my son was forced to witness these histrionics, I turned around (I had always ignored her when she lost it) and calmly told her that it was not her house, but our house, and when a judge told me to leave I'd go ahead and move on. Her tone changed instantly.

The marital home is your home too. If he wants to be done with you, he is free to file and have a judge legitimize any complaints. The judge will give you time to get your stuff and find a new place.

I'll think about you today. I'm hopeful that your situation will improve, with or without your spouse. Peace...