In my opinion & I believe many courts have ruled this way.. they were a gift and despite whatever symbology you place on them, she is under no legal obligation to return them.
I believe, & my StBX agrees, mine were a gift and mine to do with as I please.
I will take the diamond and have it made it into a necklace for our daughter when she graduates high school. I will sell the gold bands & purchase a watch for our son when he graduates college.
What would you do with them if you get them back?
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
I am in the middle of a divorce (I'm the one filing, my stbx-H had an affair but wants to reconcile), but no, I would not return the ring. He hasn't asked for it, but like bridgestone wrote: it was a gift and there's no reason to return it.
In your heart, do you really want the ring itself back or do you want to use it as way of seeing if she'll get emotional as a test of if she might have the tiniest sliver of feeling towards the "symbol of love/commitment."
If my stbx asked me, I would tell him no. But if he pushed on it, I would give it back, and maybe have about 10 mins of being sad, but I wouldn't get upset over a piece of jewelry. When you get down to it, you're right..it's just a symbol.
I would say not to go there. I am not a female, but maybe you could use a male perspective too. I was offered it back, but I did not want it. It was a symbol of something that is no more. Would you give her back your ring?
I would say not to go there. I am not a female, but maybe you could use a male perspective too. I was offered it back, but I did not want it. It was a symbol of something that is no more. Would you give her back your ring?
if we're talking engagement rings, an engagement ring was the symbol of wanting to commit to marriage, when you no longer want to be married and want to free yourself of that original commitment , why would you hold on to the ring that paved the way to the original marriage? Makes no sense to me, all of a sudden it's just a piece of jewellery but originally it's significance was of the utmost importance - which solidifies my idea that you still don't know what you want.
As for wedding bands, you each got one, returning the rings to each other almost seems like trading the same for the same. Most men don't receive engagement rings and most men ask women to marry them so that's my opinion (read that as opinion) on the engagement ring.
Why would you hold on to something so symbolic?
The right thing to do would be to return it if you're a WAW, if you really want to leave the marriage, leave it, and leave behind those things that were associated with it.
When people are leaving a marriage, they should be respectful if even for that one last time and return items that their STBX spouse wants back, it isn't worth the fight or arguing "I should get to keep it because it was a gift" nonsense, why would a WAS want to keep a "gift" from the spouse they're leaving?
"It meant so much to me at the time..." and now... "I'm having it melted and turned into a necklace"
Nonsense.
Return it, start fresh, no attachments to the past. Use the band-aid analogy, rip it off quickly in one pull, it'll hurt like a bugger but the pain will subside and you'll recover quicker than removing it slowly which will cause even more pain & suffering.
Knittedscarf you're still an enigma to me, you would be sad to return the ring to your spouse although you seem hell bent on leaving him & divorcing him - methinks your energy is misplaced. You shouldn't be sad for inanimate objects, you should be sad about the things that live & breath - I don't expect a logical explanation, I'm just making a statement. I know you're hurt and in pain in your own way and dealing with this as best as you possibly can for the time being, I wish you the best of luck with that.
The only reason I see in asking for a ring back is if it is a family heirloom or something similar. This is simply my input, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I personally wanted nothing to do with my XW's ring. Not even to melt down. Maybe I should have looked at the value of the diamond. Hmmm, oh well.
My personal opinion. Those rings stood for something we had in the past. She can melt them down and sell them for scrap metal for all I care. I am moving on with my life and going through the process of getting rid of everything that reminds me of the past. Unfortunately this includes my Antique Starwars collection that I am getting ready to let loose at less then half its value. I also look at it as all the things that I thought would bring me happiness need to go, as the one thing that would have brought me happiness is now gone. But Im weird like that.
M:40 W:40 D: 21 S: 18 D: 17 Md: 18 years -1/19/2010 W wants out -6/03/10 "Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.."
