So to get back to solutions... I find it extremely irritating to go to bed naked (that's my big hint after a few days of other clothed hints) and to have nothing happen. I am wondering if sleeping somewhere else would help or make things worse? Anyone employ this take away with any success?
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
The question for you is: have you made it known that this is the signal (sleeping naked) that you are ready, willing and able to be sexually intimate (i.e., there is no possibility of you saying "no." when you get into bed this way)? If not, you are getting angry and frustrated at the failure of minding reading.
The Captain Kobayashi Maru
Last sex: 04/06/1997 Last attempt: 11/11/1997 W Issues "No Means No" Declaration: 11/11/1997 W chooses to terminate sex 05/1998 I gained 60, then lost 85 pounds. Start running again (marathons)
If you keep laying next to the Low drive person who shows that they don't want you, it will drag your drive and motivation down over time. At least thats what it does to me.
Since your a lady, why not try to perform foreplay activities that are bound to get almost any man excited.
Lol!! I am crystal clear in my intentions. And if my head goes anywhere near his penis he will quickly move away.
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
"Oh thats wack"... Almost any man would allow that no matter how angry he is. I don't recall reading your entire thread. He cheated on you, or he just had a low drive, or you cheated on him?
Thanks daddyo for perpetuating the truth of all men thinking with their little heads except for my hubby... I got laid this morning after telling him how I am obviously less than a woman because all men are always interested in sex so it must be my problem. I think he felt sorry for me. Or he knew it's been almost 2 weeks and it was just time.
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
Man, we could wish. I guess most of these feelings ARE the same if you put the shoe on the other foot. I never thought a woman would feel "less of a woman" due to that same situation.
Maybe you will have to slip something in his drink to get him horny. It is your husband after all.
So to get back to solutions... I find it extremely irritating to go to bed naked (that's my big hint after a few days of other clothed hints) and to have nothing happen. I am wondering if sleeping somewhere else would help or make things worse? Anyone employ this take away with any success?
...Lol!! I am crystal clear in my intentions. And if my head goes anywhere near his penis he will quickly move away.
First of all, let me congratulate you on fighting for your marriage and trying to make it work.
Have you and your husband talked about "things" that your husband could do that would make you feel loved, besides sexual intercourse or his manually stimulating you to orgasm?
I am a HD guy with "touching" as my primary language of love. Some of the things that my wife can do between our having sexual intercourse includes things like her initiating a makeout session where she arouses me, but denies me orgasm and yet promises to have sex with me later that day or the next morning. This allows me to feel desired, touched, and gets me incredible hot until we complete things.
Similarly, a back, head (the one connected to my ears) or shoulder massage makes me feel great and loved. Even things like putting her head on my chest and running her fingers though my chest hair make me feel loved and desired, or holding each others while naked (lots of warm skin to skin contact) with a promise to each other to not go any farther at that time, make me feel loved and desired.
Another of the things my wife and I discussed was my masturbating while being held and kissed by her as a way of being together at a time of my high need and her LD.
The above are offered as potential solutions (which is where you wanted to refocus this thread). Maybe there is even some kind of role playing fantasy you have that he might be able to participate in that doesn't involve sex but that could provide you with a satisfying erotic experience.
It sounds like you are doing just about everything you can to arouse him and get him to jump out of his LD status. Maybe you need to learn to accept your husband's LD and not take it as a judgment of you and your sexuality. If so maybe you and your husband can figure out things that he is willing to do (i.e. things that he can view as his not being sexual) that satisfy some of your needs (things that you can accept as "sex-like or erotic even if they are not his having sex with you or even if they don't result in an orgasm). The key to such compromise is both of you understanding each others emotional limits and needs. ....And to accept each other, to forgive each other and value each other for who they are.
In a Gottman seminar my wife and I took, two of the recommendations were that (1) partners should not try to negotiate a compromise until they can fully explain the problem or conflict from their partner's perspective, as well or better than their partner and that (2) some gridlock issues in marriage are never going to be completely solved and the best you can do if you want to stay married is to find something that will work for both of you yet may not be totally what each wants.
Because you are trying so hard and because you indicated that your husband "gave" you what you needed, I think the two of you value each others needs and your marriage (even though you clearly have an LD/HD relationship).
Good luck to you.
Last edited by Young at Heart; 04/12/1004:10 PM.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
So to get back to solutions... I find it extremely irritating to go to bed naked (that's my big hint after a few days of other clothed hints) and to have nothing happen. I am wondering if sleeping somewhere else would help or make things worse? Anyone employ this take away with any success?
I have this same problem. I can't get close to even trying to initiate sex anymore because my H does all this "cockblocking". It is to the point now that even if I'm not trying to do anything sexual, if he thinks I am, he gets as far away from me as possible.
When I get naked, he hides his face. In bed, if he's actually facing me, his knees make sure to keep me far from him. He puts pillows between us. If I do anything that's overtly sexual he laughs nervously and says "what are you doing?"
My next step is to start sleeping in the other room and not letting him see me undress ever. It'll be like we're roommates.
If that doesn't work, I'll just start bringing other men home. (Just kidding)
I got laid this morning after telling him how I am obviously less than a woman because all men are always interested in sex so it must be my problem. I think he felt sorry for me. Or he knew it's been almost 2 weeks and it was just time.