The guy that baptized my wife has taken a real interest in my situation and is driving activity among the leaders at my W's church.
He asked my W to tell me that he has a bible study group once a week and invited me to come. I went today and talked with him afterward. He told me the "Family Life" pastor at the church wanted to speak with me, so I called him.
He had a basic understanding of my sitch but wanted to get my take. He was impressed with the way I've handled it thus far, and told me things will be "coming to a head" at the church soon. Not sure what he meant by that, but he did say that he had seen the OM at church with my W and was taken aback when he learned it was not her husband.
He agreed with me that counseling is worthless if there is an active affair. He is going to speak to my W one on one, and then speak to us both together. His position is that she needs to renounce her inappropriate relationship and give reconciliation a chance.
Don't know what will happen if/when she stonewalls him on that one, but she did agree to meet with him, so we'll see how it goes.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
The guy that baptized my wife has taken a real interest in my situation and is driving activity among the leaders at my W's church.
He asked my W to tell me that he has a bible study group once a week and invited me to come. I went today and talked with him afterward. He told me the "Family Life" pastor at the church wanted to speak with me, so I called him.
He had a basic understanding of my sitch but wanted to get my take. He was impressed with the way I've handled it thus far, and told me things will be "coming to a head" at the church soon. Not sure what he meant by that, but he did say that he had seen the OM at church with my W and was taken aback when he learned it was not her husband.
He agreed with me that counseling is worthless if there is an active affair. He is going to speak to my W one on one, and then speak to us both together. His position is that she needs to renounce her inappropriate relationship and give reconciliation a chance.
Don't know what will happen if/when she stonewalls him on that one, but she did agree to meet with him, so we'll see how it goes.
Just like if the two of you went to counseling, there are outside, impartial people trying to help with something they know is wrong. IMO, that is a good thing. There is no he said, she said. It's wrong, period.
I hope something can break her out of her fog. For both of your sakes and the kids.
Sounds like it's all good. It's disgusting to think that they have been carrying on INSIDE the church in a way that others thought they were the married couple.
Personally I still think you need to tell the OM to back off, but that's me. Did the church guys say when they were going to do something? I think it's great that they are taking a very aggressive stance to this. More churches should do the same.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Sounds like it's all good. It's disgusting to think that they have been carrying on INSIDE the church in a way that others thought they were the married couple.
Personally I still think you need to tell the OM to back off, but that's me. Did the church guys say when they were going to do something? I think it's great that they are taking a very aggressive stance to this. More churches should do the same.
I met with the OM back in June or July, after that I told myself I would never speak to him again or give him any significance whatsoever.
Don't know what me telling him to back off would do, honestly, besides giving him and my W something to talk about.
The guy who baptized my wife is dying to talk to him - he doesn't pull any punches, after all he did spend time in prison - so I have a feeling it may happen soon.
It will either have a "circle the wagons" affect (where W and OM bail on the church) or increase the stress level of my W. She adores the church and is always volunteering and taking classes there. I honestly don't know how she can take being there with the church leadership and prominent others pounding on her to stop what she's doing. Yet she goes, and is there several times a week.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
J The guy that baptized my wife has taken a real interest in my situation and is driving activity among the leaders at my W's church.
He asked my W to tell me that he has a bible study group once a week and invited me to come. I went today and talked with him afterward. He told me the "Family Life" pastor at the church wanted to speak with me, so I called him.
You realize that they are trying to make you join their church, not save your marriage, right?
If they believed that marriage was an important part of being a good Christian, all these people who are around your wife would have already told her to honor her vows, stop lying, and commit herself to the marriage. Or if not that, then cut the ties with you and give her whole heart to this new way of life she's supposedly a part of.
Since she's done neither - and the church members have done squat as well - you can logically deduce that they have no interest in saving your marriage. All they want to do is get you into their way of thinking, follow their beliefs, maintain that they are good hearted, loving people. Which they aren't. If this church is so lovey-dovey about its members, there's no way the people at that church didn't know the OM wasn't your wife's LEGAL husband.
It's a fraud.
They are bearing false witness. Stay away from this. If you believe God is speaking to you and sending you messages, then this is a test of some sort. If your wife wanted to come back, she would.
She hasn't.
Listen in your heart...do you think God wants you to be humiliated around a group of liars and people who post pictures of their baptism on Facebook (you know, instead of enjoying the moment in private?).
J The guy that baptized my wife has taken a real interest in my situation and is driving activity among the leaders at my W's church.
He asked my W to tell me that he has a bible study group once a week and invited me to come. I went today and talked with him afterward. He told me the "Family Life" pastor at the church wanted to speak with me, so I called him.
You realize that they are trying to make you join their church, not save your marriage, right?
If they believed that marriage was an important part of being a good Christian, all these people who are around your wife would have already told her to honor her vows, stop lying, and commit herself to the marriage. Or if not that, then cut the ties with you and give her whole heart to this new way of life she's supposedly a part of.
Since she's done neither - and the church members have done squat as well - you can logically deduce that they have no interest in saving your marriage. All they want to do is get you into their way of thinking, follow their beliefs, maintain that they are good hearted, loving people. Which they aren't. If this church is so lovey-dovey about its members, there's no way the people at that church didn't know the OM wasn't your wife's LEGAL husband.
It's a fraud.
They are bearing false witness. Stay away from this. If you believe God is speaking to you and sending you messages, then this is a test of some sort. If your wife wanted to come back, she would.
She hasn't.
Listen in your heart...do you think God wants you to be humiliated around a group of liars and people who post pictures of their baptism on Facebook (you know, instead of enjoying the moment in private?).
Thanks for the comments knitted, but as we discussed before, your take on my W's church isn't what I see in person. It is a big church (not evangelical) so without calling attention to it, it would be easy for two people to carry on an affair and have no one there know about it. The only reason anyone there knows is because I happened to tell my story to the guy who baptized my W, and he has taken it upon himself to call BS on the affair and talk to the pastors about it.
They are not trying to convert me. They know I am a devout Catholic; and 80% of the members of that church know all about that, as they are former Catholics themselves. In fact, the major pieces of their doctrine is in line with that of the Catholic Church.
The Women's Ministry pastor has already met with my wife multiple times to call her out on her behavior. There are also several other people in various roles at the church who have talked to her or are intending to. I'm sure there have been plenty of emails and offers to talk that my W has just flat out ignored because she doesn't want to hear someone tell her how sinful her behavior is. They are serious about getting her to change her behavior. Way more serious than I would have expected. In fact, I expected them to just keep their mouths shut and look the other way, as my first thought, before checking the church out, was that it was an "I'm OK, you're OK" kind of place. It's not.
You are correct in saying if my W wanted to come back, she would. She may never do so. I can't say that I'm not close to lowering the boom on this marriage. But I do believe in the power of prayer, I do believe all things are possible with God, and I still get signals to hold on. When they are gone, then so am I.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
You are handling the sitch well and in a good place from what I read. I agree the Good Lord will let you know in some way or another what you need to do. It will be interesting to see what effect of open rebuke from church members will do to your Wife's state of mind.
Sad to see so many wayword spouses lost in the "fog" of deception. We live in a throw away world, if you aren't happy throw it away and find new. Disappointing to say the least, it is impressive the amount of strength and endurance people show when faced with such traumatic circumstances.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
W and I had lunch at the house, pleasant interaction although she was short on words, but not "down".
She is meeting with a pastor and the women's counselor on Wednesday to talk through the situation. This is the same pastor I had a phone conversation with last week.
I was going to deliver the "Drop OM and go to MC or file" message today, but decided to hold off until after I hear the outcome of her Wednesday meeting. She hasn't said anything more about what she is doing with her apartment lease that comes up at the end of the month. I have a feeling she is going to go month to month on the lease or she likely would have said something about signing a longer term agreement.
We'll see what happens. I'm meeting with my church pastor again tomorrow. If I get negative feedback from her meeting or hear that she is signing a longer term lease, I am going to deliver the message that I have decided our current arrangement no longer works for me. She has had enough time to sort herself out.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
