I personally would not give her a gift but that is just me.
What about something consumable? You can't go wrong with food!
Godiva makes a GORGEOUS box of hand painted chocolates. Or a tea or coffee basket (if she drinks tea or coffee). Do you have any gourmet cupcake bakeries in your area? Fun cupcakes are usually well received.
So for our birthdays I ended up getting her sweat pants and matching jacket from Victoria Secret that she can either lounge around in or sleep in. She liked it.
That night we had a great time at dinner with the kids. And she had the same sparkle in her eyes she would have as she used to before. THEN that night as I dropped her off at her sister's, I moved in to give her a hug and she went right back into WAW mode with the cold shoulder. Needless to say I got P.O'd. I know I shouldn't have but it was so humiliating.
So when I get home I open the gift she got me and it was a $25 gift certificate from Chili's. This got me even more steamed because it seemed so impersonal. So I called her and told her so. She argued back that she didn't have much money and that was all she could afford (of course she would have alot more money if she didn't keep giving it to her sister for rent). I told her that it wasn't the amount it was the thought that went into it. I told her that I didn't care if it was only a handwritten note as it would have more thought than a gift card that we give to the paper boy.
So the next day (Sunday) she took the kids to a brunch with her sister, mom and aunt. She asked me earlier since it was my day and I said it was alright. She calls later in the afternoon asking if she could have the kids longer. That request starts triggering the memory I had of when I asked her if one our daughters could sleep over because she was sick and she threatened to call the cops on me. I tell her it's okay.
When she came over to drop the kids off, I asked to talk to her. We went into the bedroom and I told her about how I felt the night of our birthdays and she said that she knew I wanted a hug and didn't want to give it to me as it made her feel uncomfortable. I told her that she had given me hugs for the past month so I didn't understand what the problem was.
Then we got into R talk. She told me again she was going to pursue the D because she didn't love me any more. I asked her why. And she honestly looked incredulously at me and said it was because I "controlled" her by asking her to take naps on the weekends so we could make love later in the evening. And that she had doubts before we got married, etc. The same reasons she had 2 years ago. Then she tells me that when I was seeing someone else, she was happy that I had found someone to make me happy.
I listened and then I told her calmly that I was going to vent. She said okay and I let it all out. I asked her if she was frickin' kidding me. I told her that I couldn't believe that she could hold onto something for over 2 years after I apologized and all I wanted to do was to spend time together. I told her that was something she was going to have to let go. Then I told her that when we got married, no one pointed a gun to her head to do so and that we were married and nothing could change that. Then I told her that after all the crap that happened with her boss that I deserved a little slack. After I unloaded she angrily replied "Fine! I'll consider it!" I asked her "consider what?" And she said to work things out.
Since it was said in anger I didn't think anything of it, but whatever. She hangs out for another 5 minutes and then as she leaves, she comes to give me a big hug. WTF?
During the week, I call and tell her that I was really bothered by her comment about her wanting me to go out with someone else. I asked her if she thought it was okay for a husband to cheat on his W under any circumstance. She quickly and strongly said 'NO'. So then I asked her why she kept pushing me to do so. She had no answer. I told her that a very good friend of mine got hurt because I chose to not pursue it as it was wrong and that I didn't appreciate her comment.
So the following weekend was the Fourth of July weekend. Since it was my day with the girls, I invited her to so something on Sunday and Monday. She agreed. Sunday we went out to see Toy Story and watch fireworks and Monday we went out to one of the local plantations for a train ride. Both very good days and she hugs me at the end of both.
We talk to each other each night when we say goodnight to the girls and it's usually just about how each others days are. This is good since she has been interacting with me now more. I ask if she wants to go with the girls and I to my cousin's birthday party on Saturday and she says okay.
Then this morning I see her at my daughters' school and as I walk her back to her car, she almost has to force herself to hug me goodbye. I wish her a good day and leave.
WTH? That is one confused woman.
So my question is...while we talk to each other at night we don't talk to each other during the day. She had stopped doing it when she was in her EA and I had stopped doing it in the past month to not pursue. So should I resume calling her in the day or keep staying "dark"?
I'd like to see her initiate SOMETHING.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Two years in and still no budging on her part unless you force it out of her. Reminds me a lot of my W - it didn't matter how much better it seemed we were relating to each other, when the rubber hit the road with regard to reconciling, it was all a mirage.
Her coldness and token gift to you doesn't paint a good picture. Are you absolutely sure the OM is out of the picture?
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
So my question is...while we talk to each other at night we don't talk to each other during the day. She had stopped doing it when she was in her EA and I had stopped doing it in the past month to not pursue. So should I resume calling her in the day or keep staying "dark"?
I'd like to see her initiate SOMETHING.
MB it appears that you're always there, you're not really giving her a lot of opportunity to miss you or want to pursue you or initiate something because you're the one always doing it.
You want her to initiate something, let her. She can't initiate anything if you're always there starting the process.
You want her to pursue you, let her. She can't pursue you if you are always pursuing her.
