the word is out

[courageous wife]

Just got a phone call from the a friend of mine whose H works at the same place as my H. OW has been going around showing co-workers a bracelet that she got from H for v-day. She is telling everyone that it is from him. My friends H says that she goes to a church where they are not allowed to wear pants (she wears long skirts all the time) but apparenlty it is ok to have an adulterous relationship with a married father of 3. She is also younger than what he told me but I susupected that. My friend knew that we had separated but I didn't tell her about the OW first of all because of our H's working in the same place but also because I wanted H to be the one to own that if the time came where he asked for a D.

Help me through this guys! Am really wanting to call her church and expose her! I know this would do ME no good but I hate religious hypocrits like that!

[DanceQueen]

I haven't read your story, but my vote is, go ahead! Call the church! They may not do anything about it, but they will all start clucking and it will get back to her and embarass her at a minimum.

DQ

[g450]

Yeah, Religion, Adultery and Divorce never mix.

My xw thinks she is a big time Catholic. Ironically I am an Agnostic and make a better Catholic than she does any day. I meant my vows and kept them.

And she still goes to Church. I sometimes have a vision of her bursting into flames or melting like the Wich in Oz as soon as she steps though the Church doors.

[flowmom]

If your H found out that you called OW's church (and he would), would it help or hinder your DBing? I know it would be really satisfying, but you need to take a long-term view here.

[courageous wife]

Thanks, DQ, g450 and FM for your responses! Up early trying to process what alien took over my H's body! He told me that she went to church and was a homebody. He is the one that makes fun of his sister for joining the catholic church and being more catholic than her husband. MY H has the mouth of a sailor and a lot of times thinks that rules are made to be broken. I can't imagine how he got hooked up with this person!

On one hand, I am slightly encouraged as I cannot see him EVER converting to that type of lifestyle, at least not for long! (although wearing a skirt cause it is your religion does not make you a truly religious person obviously if you commit adultery without a problem!)

On the other hand, and I have seen it on here a million times, I am not sure if I want this new H back! I want the one that I married...fun loving, adventurous, strong, not afraid of anything guy! I am afraid that he won't ever be that guy again even if he comes out of his fog!

No FM-it would not help the DB process. Do I bring any of this up with H?

[Lost Rabbit]

CW (())

However much you knew this was on the cards its still not nice when its out in the open!

You say you want your old H back, harsh as this is going to sound but its not going to happen, what ever you get back if you do wont be your old H, it will be a re-incarnation of your old H, probably with a bit of attitude and resentment, we all dream of them coming back saying they were wrong and they made a mistake and they love us but in reality its not like that at all! Read Rocked Worlds thread she busted an A and her H came home but its not a bed of roses, my H came home no A but there is very little acknowledgement of him making a mistake, and to add to that he doesnt want to be in our house, after the flat he stayed in was much cosier and countryfied, but he does want to be with me, that still makes me feel uncomfortable that he doesnt want to be in our home! Just dont want you to think its going to be all sorted once he does come back, thats when the really hard work starts.

As for OW I would assume from her required dress attire it would not be approved on jot her going with a married man, but you have to remember that she is probably going on the drivel he has fed her too! My W doesnt understand me, I want to be free etc etc.. You could ring her elders and ask them to support you in trying to make your marriage work and ask them to ask her to back off! Tackle it with dignity and grace.. Going to stick my nose into the alt if you need a chat for a bit!

[courageous wife]

Thanks LR- I do realize that what you guys are going thru is probably the hardest part of all...it is probably easier to D!

Just got off the phone with db coach. She is on board with calling the pastor of the church anonymously and maybe not mention any names but ask that it be introduced into a sermon! My luck, that would be the week she didn't go to church! Still thinking on that. She does think it would be ok for me to bring it up to H in this way "I have heard from one of your co-workers that your "friend" has been telling people about you and the gift you gave her. Maybe you are aware and ok with that, I just want you to know that I was not the one to bring it out in the open" something like that!

Well, I am at work so will post more later on tonight!

[rockedworld]

Hi CW,
The advice from your DB coach makes sense to me. I don't see any harm in making an anonymous call. And, I think bringing this up to your H in the way suggested would be good. The A coming out in the open affects you too! Believe me, I know how stressful that is, and you have the right to speak up about that. This is YOUR M, not hers!
Pluck up some courage and speak up, my friend!

[lea74]

I would agree with the advise. I definitely wish I had confronted the issue earlier when I still had the chance. If I try and do anything now it just seems lame. In a way because I never did anything it seems as if I accepted it as being alright.

Yes it is your M and not hers - so do what is right for you. Her bahviour is unacceptable and your H needs to know what she is doing.

I would definitely approach it with dignity and grace as suggested and chat to the elders with the approach that you are trying to save your marriage not cause an 'outing'.

[courageous wife]

Thanks RW and lea74-what I am afraid of is that H knows that she is telling people and is ok with it! Now, to find the time to have that conversation with him!

My SIL wants to take the kids to do something fun Friday night. Since I have not heard from H all week and don't know if he has plans to take the kids or if he is working OT I told her yes. This is something else he and I need to discuss AGAIN as he is slacking off in the parent department. Part of it is his work schedule but he could still call the kids and talk to them and see how their day is going. Out of sight, out of mind?