Starting over again

[lostnotgone]

I have had a couple of bad days and feel I need to start over.

Goal today to be positive and up beat with H comes and gets the kids. To have a casual conversion with H.

[gman]

have you reached your goal today?

those bad days are no fun are they - one thing i try to do is learn one or two things from those bad days to help in the future.

[lostnotgone]

thanks gman,
H will be here soon. BOY did I learn a lesson.. NEVER bring up OW. One day he will wake up and hopefully be the man I married. I just hope and prayer that its not too late.

[lostnotgone]

Well H just dropped the kids off - they did not feel comfortable staying over night yet at H house yet. Went ok - I went about my business of taking the trash out and cleaning the kitchen. After yesterdays blow up I did not expect anything tonight. He did not even comment that I went back to wearing contacts - did not expect it.

He is picking up the kids again in the morning and will be dropping them off again tomorrow night - I will be out!! BDay party time for me and 2 of my friends! GAL right!

[lostnotgone]

When does this get easier? H just picked up the kids (all of them this time) for the day. They are off to H's brothers and then back to his house - I should be with them. First time he has taken all of them.

Got up early (just like every morning now) - made sure I was looking good and feeling good. Not sure if he noticed. He smiles a lot when he is here - but I think that this is just for the kids sake.

When do I know when to give up the fight to get him back? Has he really moved on?

[Cadet]

When do I know when to give up the fight to get him back?

Only you can decide this, however if he had cancer would your thought process change? He has depression. He is trying to find a way to fix his depression. His solution is to get rid of you. I didn't say any of these things make any sense, but that is what is happening.

Has he really moved on?

He would like to believe that, until he finds out that the quick fix that he has been trying to get didn't work. Then he will move on to someone else or back to you.

[lostnotgone]

Thanks OldPilot - I see your point - I would never give up if he had cancer.

I guess I should have said - has he really moved on with OW? He is having an EA with another woman and has already moved out - OW is currently married.

[Cadet]

I'll stand by what I said he will either move on to someone else or he could see you as a better option, however you can not force the issue other than making yourself more attractive. Keep your space and leave your expectations at zero.

[lostnotgone]

Finally getting that I can not force it - only makes it worse. The only thing I can control is ME! now if I can just remember that and keep my mouth shut about certain things.

Had a great night out with friends lastnight. GAL really works - woke up this morning and my first thought was not my H! H was the second thought. One of my best friends told me I had a "GLOW" lastnight - WOW I have not heard that in years. maybe I am doing better than I thought.

Thank you for the advise and if H finds that OW is his best option - his choice..out of my control.

[lostnotgone]

HELP!! received a call this morning from mother in law. My H was at the hopital with very high blood pressure and numbness in his hand. So I immedially went to the hospital. I spent all day there with him through all the tests. He was admitted over night the entire day he was texted OW!! He has a stress test tomorrow -do I go? I find out that he called OW as soon as I left!

What do I do? I am damned if I do and damned if I don't! I know that his body is telling him he is on a downward spiral.